The Carlton Gang

One year....

2010-04-30T08:53:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was April 29th.  It doesn't seem possible that a whole year has gone by since Frank completed his journey and went to be with Jesus. We still miss him and think of him every single day. I still want to pick up the phone and call him about little things that happen to us. I still miss our late night recap of the day as we got ready for bed at night. That was when we solved all the world's problems!

This milestone didn't sneak up on any of us. We have been talking about it openly around the house and within our family.  The last few weeks have been much harder as we've mentally retraced our steps of a year ago.  Some of us have remembered things others had forgotten, so as we've retold stories, it's been interesting to see a little bigger picture. We've laughed and cried and hugged on each other a lot more these past few weeks.

But April 29th..... a day that our lives changed forever - was sad last year. I was determined to find a way to change that somehow. April 29th was going to come every year - for each one of us. I wanted to find a way to honor Frank's life, his personality and fun-loving spirit and still not take anything away from what this day means for us as a family. So, we formed a plan....

I was awake early yesterday. I spent time alone remembering the events of our last morning together. As a thousand memories went through my head, my heart came back to the same conclusion. We were so blessed. God was so merciful to Frank. I believe every detail of that morning was covered by God's grace.

Thank you, Lord.

We had a plan......... We couldn't think of a better way to honor Frank's memory than for Zach and I to skydive!   God worked out the details of this too! Jumps are usually during the weekend only, but German military (equal to our Navy Seals) were training here this week. The planes would be up, and they allowed us to jump with them on Thursday.

Zach and I enjoyed the experience so much. We loved flying through the air! And our family and friends on the ground seemed to feel secure in their position too. It was a beautiful day and we all had our minds on Frank and his wonderful spirit.

Heb 11: 1-2 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Thank you Frank, for giving us such a wonderful example of what it means to live out our lives to the glory of God, in every situation.

Therefore, comfort one another with these words.

2010-03-27T11:42:00.005-05:00

It’s quiet in the house this morning. The only sounds I hear are the wind chimes outside and Casey’s heaving breathing as she lay close beside my feet.

Spring is here. The Bradford pears are in full bloom. The cherry trees are displaying beautiful shades of pink. Both of those trees remind me of Frank. We had a cherry tree at our other house that we enjoyed very much. And I love the Bradford Pear trees. But Frank refused to plant one at any of our houses. He said they weren’t strong enough. The limbs break in storms, etc. We playfully argued about landscaping and our disagreement about the Bradford pear was ongoing….I tried to have one at each of our houses…until the big storm that hit Memphis a few years ago with straight line winds. We called it “the destruction of the pear trees”. I was convinced. But I had to see it with my own eyes before I believed. Even though Mr. Horticulture knew what he was talking about. I wasn’t convinced until I saw it with my own eyes.

I went to the cemetery yesterday. I’d never seen it like that before. The whole Garden of Grace was covered in white wild flowers. It was so pretty and peaceful.

While I was there, I read the scriptures in 1 Thessalonians 4 about the coming of the Lord. It explains how those who are asleep in the Lord will rise first, then those who remain, and then we will be with Lord forever. The last verse says we are to comfort one another with these words.

After I left the cemetery, my night went on as planned. I picked up Chase from play practice, went to Zach and Jimmy’s soccer game at school, and then drove Chase to a party.

I’ve been in the mood to spring clean the past week or so. It’s time. The house needs it. It’s not about going through Frank’s things, which I haven’t done. It’s more about the process of just getting your house in order. You ladies know what I’m talking about. But everything in the house has things that belong to Frank in it. There’s not one place that was just mine. But I’ve had a week to prepare. I was ready for the challenge.

When I got home, I decided to tackle the office. I spent about an hour throwing papers away that I know I didn’t need anymore. A lot of it was medical papers, lab results, etc. I had made my mind up that I wasn’t going to keep those things. It wasn’t how I wanted to remember Frank. The bottom line for me was that my husband died of cancer. I didn’t need an old lab report to remind me of that. It hurts enough.

So, after an hour, I had a bag of trash and a somewhat organized desk. I found letters from Big Frank, pictures, birthday cards, our wills, and more. And I put them in a special place for safe keeping.

I thought I was doing pretty well until I got in the car to pick up Chase. I don’t know what it is about the car, but that (and the shower) is one place that I can break down and let it all out. Without warning, my soul confessed that I my big cover up wasn’t fooling anybody and the emotions of what I had just done came over me like those straight line winds that ripped up the pear trees. I felt guilty and sad…. and lots of things all at once. What was I doing?? My face must not keep as good of a secret as my car does, because the first thing Chase said to me, walking to my car – in the dark – was “Have you been crying?” Secrets out.

So, this morning, while it’s quiet (except for Casey), I decided to comfort myself with “those words”. I read 1 Thess 4, 1 Cor 15 and 2 Cor 5. I had to ask my self if I really believe this or do I need to be convinced, like the pear trees? But God has never lied before. He’s always been true to His word. So I will “walk by faith, not by sight”, like 2 Cor 5 says.

After some time, I decided that I am indeed comforted by God’s words. I’m finding myself a little jealous of Frank this morning. He is farther ahead in this journey of ours that isn’t finished yet. I know it was a work of the Holy Spirit that prepared Frank’s heart about his going home. He had a peace and strength about what was happening to him that was such a testimony to the grace and mercy of God. It helped comfort all who watched him in those past months.

I’ve read those verses before, but now when I read them, I have the face of my soul mate, my lover, our daddy, and my best friend in my mind. That makes the verses jump off the page for me and mean so much! I hope they do for you too.

Therefore comfort one another with these words.
1 Thess 4:18

gotta love spring break !

2010-03-21T21:32:00.005-05:00

I can’t believe we’re winding down March. In some ways time has stood still this past year, and yet, at the same time it seems as though it’s gone by really fast.

Spring break is the best part of March! The kids and I have been looking forward to Hope’s ski trip for so long! They love to get away with their friends and leaders, and I love getting to tag along. It’s the perfect combination for teenagers…. Mom’s there, yet not around enough to be in the way. Of course, there are Mom benefits too. I don’t have to keep up with their stuff, wake them up, feed them or nag them about anything. Like I said….. we look forward to it all year!

It snowed everyday on the mountain and several nights at the Ranch. It was so beautiful to watch ~ so peaceful and calming. I’ve never been on that ski trip without Frank. I was expecting it to be difficult, but I made some decisions on the front end to try and make it better. I avoided the cabin we always stayed in and enjoyed my week with Jane in a new cabin. We laughed, talked and had a great time. I tried to focus on the wonderful blessing of Frank being there with us last year. Making that trip meant the world to him. It was huge sense of accomplishment and blessing.

There’s just something about being in a different place, especially somewhere as majestic as the mountains that make you feel close to the Lord. His creation is just staring at you all over the place! I know, I know, His creation is here too… but let’s face it…. the Rockies are a lot better looking than Germantown Parkway in rush hour traffic!

With our year mark approaching, I took that time to do a lot of soul searching, a lot of praying, and a lot of talking ~ to Frank and myself. I tried to make some goals for myself, and for the kids. Some of these are practical. I plan on answering questions like: are we going to stay in the house? ~ what about Frank’s clothes? ~ when do I go through his things in the garage? ~ etc. I want to be strong for the kids. Frank was so strong. It just amazes me as I think about all he went through. As I did some soul searching, I tried to set some goals.

I'm also working through my feelings about other things. Chandler is about to leave for college… another big change ahead. I thought I was ready, but the closer it gets, I’m not so sure! I feel we’re the Incredible Shrinking family! Just when I get used to her being gone, Zach will leave the next year! I want to make goals about how I spend my time. The kids are my whole life right now. That just comes natural as a momma. But I’m not their whole life, and I shouldn’t be. They’re trying to leave the nest ~ and I don’t want to clip their wings. I want a healthy balance, for myself and for them. Yet, I know they still me right now. I’m still praying about when to jump into a full time job.

Chase and I celebrated birthday’s this month, along with Frances ~ my birthday twin. My last birthday, Frank sang happy birthday to me from Salida, CO in the cutest pizza joint. I miss the sound of his voice and his sweet kisses. But I was showered with love from my dear friends and family. Chase and I both felt special and much loved this year.

Today’s Streams in the Desert is so good. I love it when God confirms what He is doing in my heart.

“A stoic person despises the shedding of tears, but a Christian is not forbidden to weep. Yet the soul may become silent from excessive grief, just as the quivering sheep may remain quiet beneath the scissors of the shearer. Or, when the heart is at the verge of breaking beneath the waves of a trial, the sufferer may seek relief by crying out with a loud voice. But there is something even better.

Therefore, amid a multitude of trials, souls who love God will discover reasons for boundless, leaping joy. Even though “deep calls to deep” (Ps 42:7), the clear cadence of the Lord’s song will be heard. And during the most difficult hour that could ever enter a human life, it is possible to bless the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Have you learned this lesson yet? Not simply to endure or to choose God’s will but to rejoice in it “with an expressible and glorious joy” (1Peter 1:8). Streams in the Desert pages 121-122

My prayer is that I will live each day, with God’s help, accepting His will with joy.

Thank you for your faithfulness to our family and for continuing to remember us in your prayers.

In His grace,

Peggy

2010-02-08T16:48:00.000-06:00

As I sit to write this post, I am looking outside at beautiful snow! I just love it! I had intended to update on Jan 29th - our 9 month mark, but we got winter weather that day too, and time just slipped away. But yesterday was a special day too.... Frank asked me to marry him 21 years ago on Feb 7! I'm so glad he asked! :)

I have been reminded of the power of prayer and how precious the body of Christ is this past month. I have run into several friends lately that have told me, " I still pray for your family every day". I cannot express how that makes me feel! When people told Frank they prayed for him everyday, he used to tell them, don't pray for me everyday... you'll get tired of it. Pray for me on trash day - that way you'll remember!

Jan 29th was 9 months. There was ice and a little snow on the ground that morning too. The kids were sweet to go with me to the cemetery (they don't really like going). I wanted to see it with snow around it. I never tire of going, although my emotions vary with each visit. Sometimes I go because I just miss any sense of being near him, and I talk to him, even though I know he's not there. I feel like Forest Gump when he talked to Jenny. It's embarrassing. And other times I go and I'm happy and joyful and just reminded of how very blessed I was to have had a good marriage. I know I'm a better person for knowing him, and for loving him.

God is teaching me gently how to love and trust Him in a new way. I have trusted Him as my Saviour. I have learned to say "not my will be done" about His plans for our lives. This isn't easy, but that relationship is familiar after walking with the Lord as a believer. What I didn't realize was that I didn't really know how to let Him fulfill needs that Frank filled. I had to admit that I didn't allow Jesus to supply my every need. As a wife, Frank filled a lot of my needs. Learning to look to the Lord to really meet my every need has been a challenge. But guess what? God never disappoints. Hope doesn't disappoint. And He promises to meet us right where we are!

Since Christmas, I can - for the first time - say that I feel progress being made on this grief journey. (I don't know what else to call it) Christmas was...well.... just really really hard! But even with New Years came a sense of hope, new beginnings and fresh starts. Every sense then, I can feel the heaviness of pain lifting a little. I still cry. Almost every day but it's just a little different than before. I remember with more joy than pain. But this statement couldn't be more true: You never get over it, you just get through it.

The kids are all doing well. They have a healthy perspective about Frank I think. We talk about him very often. His name is mentioned at our house daily in some way or another. We laugh at old stories, we are very mindful of the mark he left on our lives in so many different ways. Even in the little things.... Zach and I went to buy new windshield wipers for the suburban. He bought just what his daddy told him to: "the good ones... don't buy the cheap ones". We just smiled on the way to register... it's just the little things that make us remember him with tenderness and love.

Chase finished his swim season strong and just made the spring musical Fiddler on the Roof at school. Zach is getting ready for the soccer season to start and working at the church. Chandler was recently diagnosed with Senioritis. It's pretty bad... We are on the daily countdown to graduation! Her plans are to attend Miss State (tell me Frank doesn't have pull in heaven!) in the fall. She's still playing the piano and working at the restaurant.

This week is Big Frank's birthday and he and Frances' anniversary. My thoughts are with her and Neely and Scott as we approach the one year mark of saying goodbye to Big Frank. We miss him so much!

THANK YOU for your continued prayers for our family. We are filled with gratitude and thankfulness for you!

"Be stong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." Ps 31:24

2010-01-02T14:55:00.006-06:00

I hope each of you reading this had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. It seems like time has passed so slowly since the Thanksgiving update. I hope time doesn't pass that slowly as you read this post!

The Christmas season hit me much harder than I ever expected. I thought I was ready. I've read grief books, gone to grief counseling (Mom and I even went to a seminar about how to handle the holidays), I get daily email devotions about grief. I had prepared my head like I was cramming for a final exam. But my heart must have skipped class. I cried every day for a solid month. Anything and everything set me off.

I felt so bad when Chase asked me one day why I wasn't be happy and did it have anything to do with him. I tried to explain my tears as best I could and reassured him I how much joy he brings me. There are times I see the "little boy" in Chase that just melts my heart. No matter how grown up he trys to be, he is still so vulnerable and tender. Chase watches me like a halk. When I do cry, he is usually first to my side to try and make it better. I pray for wisdom in how I deal with Chase. We'll have more time together at home than I will with the other two. And at his age, our relationship is different than it is with Chandler and Zach. I worry more about the absense of a father in his life. And then I cry again... because whenever Frank opened up about his prognosis, the first words he'd uttered were "What about Chase? Please Lord, just let me get Chase grown up..."

The kids and I devised a plan to do something different for this holiday. (something I learned in my holiday grief seminar!) We went to my parents for our traditional dinner with the family. But after that, we jumped in the car and drove all night to Panama City. A dear friend let us stay at their condo and we were so excited to be going to the warm beach for Christmas day!

Except..... it was not warm in Florida! But we still had a great time. We began the DVD series of Lost and got hooked! Nocturnal by nature, we stayed up till 3 and 4 in the morning watching tv, slept till mid morning, went out to eat and came back to the condo to play games and watch more Lost. It may seem weird that we drove all that way and only watched tv, but not really. Had we stayed home, the kids would have gone out with their friends, worked, played Xbox, etc. I was thrilled to have them all to myself for 5 days!

Monday was the warmest, sunniest day in Panama City. We went to the beach. For an 2 hours. We were covered up from head to toe with sweat shirts, socks, and blankets. Chandler and I snuggled up while the boys fed and chased the birds. Just being able to see the ocean and hear the waves was soothing. Being in the mountains or at the ocean is alway a good reminder of how awesome our God really is. How majestic is His creation! It reminded me that He is in control and loves us so much.

Another neat thing that happened in Florida was my being able to meet a college friend of Neely's. Through Neely, Stefanie follows this blog and has been praying for us a long time. We met one afternoon and had coffee together. What a blessing it was for me to see face to face someone who has invested herself in praying for our family.

We made it back in time for New Year's Eve. I felt really good all Thursday and Friday. Celebrating the New Year conveys such a message of renewal, moving forward, and new goals. I felt hopeful that 2010 would be a year of continued healing. I am looking forward to seeing what God is going to do in each one of our lives this year.

Today is Jan 2. On this day last year, Frank and I were returning home from a very emotional trip to Little Rock. This was the night we gathered the kids around and told them he wasn't going to do anymore heavy treatments in Little Rock. Frank told them the treatments weren't stopping the cancer and that he would only live a few months. Only by the grace of God...

Zach and Nana comforted each other. I cried with Chase in the middle of our living room floor... the same room we were in when Frank passed away 4 months later. And I will always remember hearing heart wrenching sobs of Chandler crying together with Frank in her room. A year ago......

When I remember that I can only thank God for the blessings He gave us each day with Frank. We are thankful that we knew in advance and were able to make the most of our time together. Whenever I hear of a tragedy that took someone's life unexpectedly, my heart goes out to the family because their goodbye is so different. I can't imagine that kind of loss.

It's 2010. God is still in His throne. The kids are doing well. I am feeling more hopeful than I have in a long time. We are 8 months into our "year of firsts". The memories are vivid, yet each one of them have helped us through the healing process. We are getting stronger each day.

"We have this hope as an anchor for our soul, firm and secure." Hebrew 6:19

Thank you so much for the continued support and love for our family. It overwhelmes us so much. May God bless each one of you..... peg

Gobble Gobble

2009-11-23T01:14:00.000-06:00

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4

I am so thankful for that promise in God's word, aren't you?

This is Monday of Thanksgiving week....... for most it's a time of making the grocery list, ordering the ham, and buying the turkey. It's about cleaning for company, and getting ready for shopping and putting up decorations.

That's always been true at our house, but it's also a time of remembering.
This journey had a beginning ~ that dreadful day when the doctor gave us bad news. And that news that changed our lives forever.

Frank had an MRI on the Friday before Thanksgiving (2002). Monday, we were awaiting a call from the spine doctor that ordered the test. But instead, our Internist called and wanted to see Frank that afternoon. He said the other doctor was on jury duty, and he asked him to see Frank right away. We both thought we were about to get news that Frank needed back surgery. But as you know, it was very different news.

The rest of the week was busy, hectic and everything was urgent.... doctors, xrays, biopsies, surgery, telling the kids, all the family, his Elliott family.... and I remember every detail.

I'm sure there are many days about the last 7 years that I will not remember as clearly as time goes on. But that Monday - and that Thanksgiving week - isn't one of them. It's as vivid as the day it happened.

As Frank's family was saddened to hear the news, my family was still trying to process Jim's cancer diagnosis just 3 weeks earlier. That shock had not worn off and here we had another diagnosis to process. I have often said, "2 sisters with husbands the same age, diagnosed within a month of each other, both with blood cancers. That's probably as likely as lightening striking the same place twice."

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Thanksgiving that year was one of the most precious times our families had together. I remember it being a sweet time, lots of laughter, and tears, a some excitement thrown in for good measure. Dave, Neely's husband fell in the attic and came through to the kitchen! He made a matching hole in the ceiling where I had done the same thing a year before!

Yes.... that day - that week - will never fade from my memory. The thing that sticks out to me, is that in light of everything going on, we rested on a firm foundation that God had not left his throne. And we were not alone. We had all the emotions normal for the situation at hand, but they filtered through that truth as we processed them.

"For this God is our God for ever and ever, he will be our guide even to the end." Psalm 48:14

As we approach this Thanksgiving, 2009, we will approach it the same way. Frank's family is coming to town (Dave won't be allowed in the attic) and we will join families and celebrate God's goodness. God is still on His throne.

A lot has changed since November 2002. Neely and Dave have 3 children, Jim is cancer free, Julie is engaged to be married and much more.... and two precious people will be missing from our table.

My heart is heavy as we experience Thanksgiving without Frank, of course, but my heart is also aching for other friends and loved ones I know are hurting too. Everywhere we turn, we know others going through hard times. Friends in our Hope family are walking a similar journey this season. Friends fighting cancer, Lyme disease, and grieving loss. I ran into another widow friend at Chase's swim meet. We shared our anxiety about the holiday season. I walked away committed to pray for her and others every day of this season. I pray God will comfort them and shower them with His grace and mercy.

"May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You." Psalm 33:22

Last Wednesday, November 18th, was our anniversary. Another first. We would have been married 20 years! Frank tried hard to make that one - we talked about it on occasion.

I watched our "once was lost, but glad we found it" wedding video. (It was "lost" under Zach's bed.) I thought I would cry my eyes out the whole time. I started out with a few tears, but it quickly turned to laughter as I saw - how can I say this?..... as I pondered the choices I had made in planning our special day. The dresses were "interesting", the music was "mood altering", and the preacher was "interested in his topic". That's a nice way of saying the 80's styles were ugly, the music yucky and the service was way too long!

But one part I payed close attention to. The vows. They were just right. I loved hearing his voice as we told each other we would love each other in plenty and in want, in sickness or health until death parted us. In the end, it's all about vows. Little did we know then what our future held together. But I am so thankful for 19 1/2 years together, and for the 3 children God blessed us with. And I am most thankful for a marriage that ended as good as it started.

As we go through our first holiday without our Franks, I am thankful for the blessings God has given us as a family. I still thank God for each person that prays for us, encourages us, provides for us, and continues to love us. We thank God for you, and pray His blessings on you.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Peggy, Chandler, Zach and Chase

6 months

2009-10-29T21:33:00.008-05:00

"How are ya'll doing?" It's a hard question to answer. Well, it's a hard question to answer honestly. Half the time I don't really know. I usually say, "we are where we are suppose to be and doing well in that place." And the quicker version of that is. "Fine. We're fine."

I can hardly believe 6 months have passed. The kids and I talk about how time feels. In someways it feels like time has crept by day after day, very slowly. Yet, at the same time, I can't believe it's October. The year is almost over and I can't remember but a fragment of it. Where did the time go?

Nevertheless, some things remain the same...

We miss him...
We long for the sound of his voice... his laughter...his smile...
I want his opinion about things... anything...
I want to hold his hand...
Share coffee in the morning...
Watch TV at night...
I want him to be mad at me for not giving him my receipts out of my wallet BEFORE he paid the bills...
I wish he could cook us a yummy meal on the grill...
I miss Little Rock and the time we spent there...
I miss the snoring...

Grief is universal. I know many of you reading this blog have felt the pain of loss. (and I'm sorry if you have) I have found over the months, that there's an instant connection when you speak to someone else who knows the loss of a loved one. Sometimes walking around in a fog feels so foreign to the way you used to be. Talking with someone else who has experienced what you're going through is like being in a strange land and meeting someone who speaks your language. They get it. They get where you are.

The kids got to experience a little of this a few weeks ago. They went to a Teen Good Grief camp in AR. At first, they reacted like any teenager would when you suggest giving up a weekend with friends to go... well, you know.... grieve. ("not grieve, mom" as Zach put it, "we're going to heal" - with his sarcastic smile)

God answered my prayer, as I could see them already getting to know their adult "buddy" for the weekend in the parking lot. They all enjoyed themselves, the other teens in the camp and the activities that centered around "where they are right now." They came home really glad they went. Chase was funny. He told me about a relaxation exercise they did. He said he wanted me to do it. "What is it, Chase?" "Well, they call it a relaxation exercise, but it's really just something that makes you cry." I tried it. He was right.

October 13th, I went to Jackson to be with Frank's family. The Mississippi Bar association was having a memorial service for those members of the bar that passed away in 2009. It was a lovely service and it was great to see the family and spend some time with them. Big Frank is missed so much. We find letters he wrote tucked away in books or drawers. Whenever I see a yellow memo pad letter folded up, I know I have found something special.

The kids are busy as usual, and doing well. Chandler is working hard on filling out scholarship applications. Mississippi State is her first choice for college right now. (That's proof of heavenly influence on earth) She's still playing piano, singing in the praise band at church. She's also swimming on the ECS team this year.

Zach is playing soccer for Lobos still. He loves it, his team and his coach. He's also starting to look for a job. And of course, still thrilled to be driving. The suburban fits him just right and it's really sweet to see him behind the wheel of daddy's car. Zach also wears some of Frank's shirts. It warms my heart to see him in them.

Chase is also swimming on the ECS team. He's in the school play - Robin Hood. We're looking forward to his performance in mid November.

I'm still working at Hope and just started a new nursing job at The Shot Nurse. The girls I work with are so nice. It's very different being around people who didn't know me before, know Frank or followed our journey. I thought today was going to be so hard, but when I got to work, I was able to share with them what today was. It ended up being such a sweet day with them. One of the girls was born and raised in Greenville and graduated from the same high school as Frank. Good ole Greenville High! It's a small world!

This is a Halloween picture from last year. I can't remember if we blogged about it or not, but he dressed up and walked around to a few of the departments at UAMS - the PET scan and radiology department. The staff knew Frank, and saw him often... but they didn't recognize him. He was using his walker and looked very convincing.

After we had gone to the Bone Marrow unit for his transfusions, we found out the campus police were looking for him! Someone in radiology had reported him as a missing psych patient! That made Frank's day! He was very proud to know he was on the "Wanted List".

We will miss him this Halloween....

So, here's how we're REALLY doing... it's a long - but honest - answer....

We are waking up every day very well aware that Frank isn't here.
We cry. Some days a lot, some days a little.
But God is faithful. He has never left our side.
He is there, knowing just what we need and providing it for each one of us.
We are growing, and learning how to depend on Him for our needs.
We are getting close to Him and each other.
And we are dreading the holidays.

Thank you for your prayers, cards, calls and emails. It really does still minister to us and mean so much.

We are blessed.... so very blessed.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
For our light affliction, which is, but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,
while we do not look at the things which are seen, but the things which are not seen,
For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."
2 Corinthians 4: 16-18

5 months

2009-09-29T09:06:00.003-05:00

With great anticipation, we waited all day Saturday, the 19th, to wish Zach a happy birthday. Chandler and I (mostly Chandler) planned a surprise party for him. Seconds after the "SURPRISE!!", I asked him if he was really surprised. Zach replied, "No.... I knew." He's not a straight A student on accident. But we all had fun.

He passed his drivers test on the following Tuesday and was able to drive himself to his soccer practice that evening. It was the first time he'd driven alone. We all tried to act cool about it, like he'd been driving for years. But after he walked out the door, Chase and I raced to the window to watch him get in the car, fix mirrors, and pull out the driveway. He caught us at the last second and gave us a smile and a wave.

Tuesday was big day for Zach. Getting his license. Driving.... his daddy's car. The day had it's joyful and exciting moments. But at the end of the day, Zach crawled into his daddy's spot in our bed and had a good cry. That just says it all, doesn't it?? That is a true picture of grief. Life goes go, but never without the pain.

Last weekend, the kids and I were able to attend the Miss State/LSU game in Starkville. The kids hadn't been to a football game in so long their memories were vague. Chandler's friend, Ashleigh, went with us. My cousins were generous and shared tickets with us. Seeing them "take it all in" was really fun for me. The cowbells were ringing and the fans were chanting "maroon" and "white". The game was so exciting!

The whole weekend, the scrolling thought constantly rolling through my mind was how proud Frank would be of me! He was the football guy. Yet, I packed up 4 kids and drove to Starkville. Saturday morning the sky poured down the rain. But that didn't stop me! I was boy scout prepared. I bought rain ponchos, got parked in time for us to enjoy breakfast on campus, walk around the Union and had us in our seats on time!

Just like last Tuesday, we had a great time - cheered, laughed and took it all in.... all with the overwhelming sense of loss that Frank was missing it all. Maybe he wasn't. Ashleigh told us he just had a better view. It was us missing him. Yes, indeed.

Isaiah 49:13 (The Message)
Heavens, raise the roof! Earth, wake the dead! Mountains, send up cheers!God has comforted his people. He has tenderly nursed his beaten-up, beaten-down people.

It's been 5 months. Our schedule is almost identical to the way it was a few years ago. The kids are in school, I'm working at Hope. The familiar routine has been comforting, but it has also caused - for me - a strange sense of denial. Things are so much like they were before, that the anticipation of Frank walking through the door after work is worse now than it was a few months ago. I keep looking for my daily text he always sent when he left the office: "ETA 20 minutes". I am looking for him at our Wednesday night dinners at church. With Zach driving his car now, when I see it gone from the driveway, my mind tricks me and I think Frank is just not home.

I talked with my grief counselor about this. She said it just takes time for our heart to catch up with our head. We know our loved one is not coming back, but our hearts wants it to not be true.

All of this is normal to the grieving process. And in spite of all our emotions, I am pleased with our progress. I am so proud of how the kids seem to be handling everything. We still have long way to go, but we are moving ahead the best we can.

I am excited about being hired by The Shot Nurse. I will be helping them with the H1N1 vaccine through flu season and I start Monday morning.

As promised in His word, God is meeting our needs - in every way. HE IS FAITHFUL. If this blogs sends no other message, it's that He is worthy of our trust.... and that He likes LSU more than MSU ;)

Matthew 6:34 (The Message)
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Frank's Birthday

2009-09-11T12:37:00.013-05:00

September 11th is Frank's birthday. Of course, it's the attacks on our nation that most people think of when you say 9-11. When Frank would sign in at the doctor's office, the receptionist would ask for his name.... "Frank Carlton".... and then date of birth.... "9-11-64". Almost every time, they would look up at him (sometimes for the first time) with big round eyes, as it he had something to do with the attacks somehow. Frank would just smile with that precious twinkle in his eye and say... "It was my day first".

Well, it was his day first. Today marks another "first" in our journey. It reminds me of conversations Frank and I had about his leaving us. He would say them in light hearted way, but I knew there was truth to his feelings. He once said he didn't want to die around any one's birthday or holiday and he wanted his funeral to be on the weekend. He said he didn't want people to have to take time off work because of him. Well, he sort of hit the mark on both of those. Chandler, Jim and Momma have April birthdays, but they are before the 29th. And, we did have a weekend funeral. It made me happy to know it worked out that way for him.......... it's the little things, you know?

Frank and I learned how to make gumbo a few weeks after we were married. I'll never forget talking with his Mimi in Greenville as she instructed us over the phone how to make the roux and share her tips with us. What a sweet memory that is. She had a giggle a lot like Frank's. We have made gumbo every year since then as our special tradition - usually on New Years Eve.

We decided to move Gumbo night to September. We will mark the tradition tonight on Frank's birthday, and then it will probably be Zach's birthday dinner in years to come. He loved sharing a birthday party with his dad. This birthday for him will be especially difficult.

We stayed up late last night making the gumbo. We listened to Frank's voice in different recordings we'd saved. And we cried together as a family as we remembered him on his birthday.

The marker has been placed - as the pictures show. We are pleased with it and think it honors him as he would have liked. I put flowers in his vase from our garden all summer long and will miss the chance to take them out each week. They were flowers that all came up from seed that he had planted the year before.

Thank you for your continued prayer for us. We need it still as we travel through this first year. We are hurting still, but more importantly, we are healing too. We know it takes time and we are continuing to praise our wonderful Savior for all He as done... and will do! His grace, mercy and provision for us is so evident. How can we be anything less than in awe of Him??

One of the things we did last night, as we stirred the gumbo pot, was read the Sept 10th entry from "Streams in the Desert", by L.B. Cowman. I know this is a bit long, but it was so powerful to each one us and so timely... just another little gift from God right when we needed it. I hope it blesses you as much as it did all of us.

With love from our hearts to yours.....

September 10

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me. Psalm 138:8

There is a divine mystery in suffering, one that has a strange and supernatural power and has never been completely understood by human reason. No one has ever developed a deep level of spirituality or holiness without experiencing a great deal of suffering.

When a person who suffers reaches a point where he can be calm and carefree, inwardly smiling at his own suffering, and no longer asking God to be delivered from it, then the suffering has accomplished its blessed ministry, perseverance has "finished its work" (James 1:4), and the pain of the Crucifixion has begun to weave itself into a crown.

It is in this experience of complete suffering that the Holy Spirit works many miraculous things deep within our soul. In this condition, our entire being lies perfectly still under the hand of God; every power and ability of the mind, will, and heart are at last submissive; a quietness of eternity settles into the entire soul; and finally, the mouth becomes quiet, having only a few words to say, and stops crying out the words Christ quoted on the cross: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Ps 22:1)

At this point, the person stops imagining castles in the sky, and pursuing foolish ideas, and his reasoning becomes calm and relaxed, with all choices removed, because the only choice has now become the purpose of God.

Also, his emotions are weaned away from other people and things, becoming deadened so that nothing can hurt, offend, hinder, or get in the way. He can now let the circumstances be what they may, and continue to seek only God and His will, with the calm assurance that He is causing everything in the universe, whether good or bad, past or present, to work "for the good of those who love Him" (Rom 8:28).

Oh, the blessing of absolute submission to Christ! What a blessing to lose our own strength, wisdom, plans, and desires and to be where every ounce of our being becomes like a peaceful Sea of Galilee under the omnipotent feet of Jesus! (from Soul Food)

The main thing is to suffer without becoming discouraged.

Whose the student?

2009-08-12T05:21:00.007-05:00

It's early early morning at the Carlton house and all is quiet. Not a creature is stirring.... not even the pets.

I would love for you to think I'm disciplined enough to be up this early every morning, but for those of you who know me well, you're probably guessing that I just haven't gone to bed yet, instead of assuming I am up early.

Well, today, I am just up early. I took Mom to the airport ~ she had to be there by 4:45. And it's the first day of school for the kids.

I knew this day would come. I am going to miss them as I go through my day. I must say, it's been comforting to have them near. But, how can I be sad? It was in the master plan. Actually, I am not sad.... because it was the Master's plan.

I am so thankful today and humbled by our wonderful God. I think it's easier to read God's word and find our shortcomings. It's easier to speak of our inadequacies than "brag" on the victories. Don't misunderstand, I use that word very loosely, of course, knowing the victories weren't won in our own strength.

But this morning, I realized that I've seen God's will for our family come full circle. After Frank's first relapse, God put it in our hearts that we would home school if he ever relapsed again, so we could maximize our family time together and make being in Little Rock easier.

When the unthinkable happened, we had a peace about moving forward with this plan. God worked out every detail and we had so much to be thankful for. ECS was gracious and helpful in every way. Having their support was so important to us. With God's help, the year together accomplished just what we hoped it would.

So, it's only by God's grace that they will return to school today. They are so excited about going back. Today starts a new beginning for them, yet, it gives them some closer to the past as well. Not that they've moved on by any means. They're still grieving. Chandler was at the computer last night, looked up and saw Frank's picture on the bulletin board and just broke down. Every step without him is still painful. But God is faithful. They are healing.

Oh, how I wish every story in my Christian faith was this victorious: I heard God's voice, I did as He said, and all is well. Life is good. But of course, it is not. Not even close.

So, whose the student anyway? The kids are coming home with a backpack full of books today. Yet, I am the one still in school. Favorite subject: HIStory

"Thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Cor 15:57

I forgot take our tradional back to school photo as I waved goodbye to them in the driveway, so I snapped them right as they were walking in the door from school. They had a great day.

2009-07-29T10:51:00.004-05:00

"I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from the beginning to end." Ecc 3:10-11

Thank you so much for your continued support and prayers for our family. It is so comforting to hear that so many of you still check for updates and ask to hear from us.

I've tried to sit down many times but the words just wouldn't come. Mainly because they were just so sad! I felt guilty because I didn't feel like I had anything of value to say.... except this hurts!!

And indeed, it does hurt. So much.

Walking with Frank on his journey was amazing. Not like - vacation amazing. Amazing in that is was not anything we planned. It was all consuming. It was life changing. It was filled with victories and defeats, highs and lows and everything in between. I thought after Frank went to be with Jesus, our story would just continue... you know... the journey our family was on. I had learned to live in that story. My character had a purpose. I was a wife and caregiver. I knew meds, lab values. I had places to be, things to do. I had answers to questions. My prayer list was familiar. The pain was familiar. After 6 1/2 years, I knew how to "do that".

But what I figured out is we're on a new journey. It's not a continuation. The challenges are new. The pain is different, the highs and lows are different. The emotions are different. And Frank isn't here for us to do this together, to share in it like we did before. And as much as others try, no one's shoulder feels like his did. I miss his arms around me and I miss the look in his eyes that only he could give.

But the stories do have one thing in common. GOD. His grace is sufficient for our every need. God is there, even through the pain of missing Frank. That pain is a normal part of living on this earth. He is the one so tenderly caring for us, helping us heal, and giving us the hope we need for each day.

It's been 3 months. In some ways April 29th feels like a lifetime ago, and in other ways, I can't believe the calendar. Can it really be July 29th? Where did 3 months go?

We went to Texas to spend July 4th with family. Chandler and I had a mother-daughter weekend with her Covenant group. We are planning college visits.... Miss. State is first on the list! Zach's soccer has started up again. And school starts in 2 short weeks.

God is the Great Physician and He is healing us - day by day. We laugh, we enjoy being with friends and family. We are planning our futures. We are adjusting. We talk of Frank daily and it brings us smiles, and sometimes it brings tears.

But this I know: I am not the same. Frank is with Jesus, and I am forever changed. "I'm going to be the one better off," Frank once told us, "you have the hard part until we see each other again." One thing the Lord has shown me, is that my aim in life should remain the same..... to be well pleasing to Him. Help me Lord - I can't do it without you.

2 Cor 5:6-9
"Therefore we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord.
For we walk by faith, not by sight.
We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.
Therefore we make it our aim, whether present of absent, to be well pleasing to Him."

Father's Day

2009-06-21T07:18:00.006-05:00

I knew Father's Day was coming. I knew when I went to bed last night that when I woke up, it would be Father's Day. Maybe that's why I didn't go to bed until after 2 am. And sure enough, at 6:30 this morning, it was indeed Father's Day.

Today will mark another "first" in this new journey we are on ~our first time to not have either of our Franks. My heart and prayers went out for Neely and Scott and then Frances, Chandler, Zach and Chase. And then the list went on....

As I prayed through these feelings of loss, I reminded myself that happiness is a choice. I know I've preached that motto to my kids many times. Whoever coined it, must be proud of himself. I can either focus on what we've lost (which is an involuntary action I can assure you) or focus on what we have.

I am so blessed to have my Daddy. Happy Father's Day to a man a respect and love very much.
We are also blessed to have godly men in our lives that love us and continue to be an influence to the kids. I am so grateful for them as I named them one by one this morning in thanksgiving.

Right next to this computer - Frank's computer - is a Beannie Baby the kids gave their daddy in 2001. The kids would have been 9, 7, and 5 at the time. It's little tag (that tag is important, you know!) reads: "My dad has such a great big heart, He's kind and funny and really smart, He always finds the time to play, I want to be like him someday." "POPS" has sat in Frank's office all these years and is now in our kitchen, in what we had turned into Frank's nook so he could work downstairs. As I stare at this navy plush reminder of.... well.... what was.... I still must choose to be thankful.

We also have wonderful memories to cherish. The legacy both Frank's left on their children is a good one. We speak of them often - sometimes with laughter, sometimes with tears, but always with a smile. And as intense as these feelings of loss are right now, I have to remind myself often that although life will never be the same, the intensity will get better with time. At least that's what the books say..... and I'm counting on that!

It's been 7 weeks, 4 days. Summer is in full swing. Chase left yesterday for Colorado with the youth at church. Zach will go to Padre Island and Chandler and I have a mother/daughter trip to the lake I'm really looking forward to. And of course we're staying busy at home as well.

Thank you for your sweet cards and encouraging comments to Chandler's post. They've meant so much to her - and all of us.

Yep, it's Father's Day. And we are ~ still ~ blessed.

"I will love You, oh Lord, my strength." Psalm 18:1

"But I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more. My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness and Your salvation all the day.... Psalm 71: 14-15

from Chandler....

2009-06-10T22:02:00.008-05:00

The past week has been the hardest so far. Dad is gone.. and I can't change that.

So far, I consider myself to have been in a state of shock. I mean, I guess that’s only natural. Someone dies and it makes sense not to miss them as much when it’s the same amount of time as a vacation. But then, you pass that mark… the point where it really hits you - you have car trouble and don’t know what to do or you sit at home alone and realize that they would normally have been there to keep you company.

Whatever the case, it comes on strong, and there is no way to get around it. So many times I have come home dying to tell dad about what just happened to me. I’ve been swimming laps lately, and the other night I swam 22 laps- the most I’ve ever done. Without even thinking I rushed home and walked in the door... about to open my mouth, when I realized - he wasn’t there. He wasn’t going to be there. And that is my harsh reality.

It’s a weird feeling to see the world around you move on and know that you’re moving about 10 paces slower. It’s hard to describe. Some days I feel on top of the world and others I don’t even want to open my eyes. There’s this since of loneliness that is always there. This empty place in your mind… dad used to be here for me to give some of my love, my time, and my wants and needs. And now that I have lost him…. It’s the same feeling you would get if someone pulled the chair out from underneath you. You’re depending on the chair to help hold you up, and all of a sudden you’re on the ground.

I will get through this though.. and I know that there is hope in every affliction. I have seen that first hand. And I am determined to make it through. This won’t last forever. I get through the day knowing and depending solely on my Savior for my every step. He has drawn me close in every way. Each day is like a new and exciting adventure with my best friend and Lord.

I thank Him everyday for this experience.

Through all of this I have continued to learn more and more everyday. This life is like a series of storms. And while everything around me is going crazy, God is always there. He is my Rain. No matter where I go, I will always be drenched in His love and peace. I have realized that without turning to Him first, I get nowhere. Because the more I try to fix things, or pretend like I’m always alright and that nothing has changed... the more trapped I am in everything I try to run away from.

So I’ve decided to stand in this storm and praise God that I am in it! Because without this storm, I would never have felt the Rain.

“The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise Him, my father’s God, and I will exalt Him.” Exodus 15:2

2009-05-18T22:45:00.006-05:00

I have missed this.

Every day, the natural thought process goes through my mind.... "I need to update the website." That's been a constant for over 6 years. It's a habit. Now, it's one of the things that makes my eyes get wet. "What about the website...."

But I've missed this. I've missed my connection with you. So, hear I am. Here we are.

19 days. We miss him. I'm getting questions like "How am you doing?" "What are you doing?"

I've been trying to work on thank you notes. A little a night keeps me busy. We've worked in the yard. Frank had already purchased some plants he wanted for this summer, so I planted those a few days ago.

Last Thursday was a full day, and one of the hardest so far. I went to his office. Took care of business, and cleaned out the rest of his personal things from his desk. By the time I got home, the call came that the death certificate was in. So, Chase and I went to get them. We went to the cemetery. The flowers were gone and the sod laid. We had a sweet time together. We came home just in time for our first official meal at the table - set for 4. And right after dinner, one of the boys (I can't say who or I'll get in trouble) broke their window with a ball. A first for our family believe it our not! I had no idea what to do. And then.. the dreaded bedtime.

Psalm 6:6 "My groaning has worn me out. At night my bed and pillow are soaked with tears."

I don't think I'll have another day like that for a while. It's sad. But the truth is.... that just the way it is right now. And I know it's normal. I told the kids I feel like I'm quoting a Dr. Sues book when we talk about grief: We can't go under it, can't go over it, can't go around it. We have to go through it.

We're handling the grief like we handled the fight. Head on. We cry when we feel like crying, and we laugh when we feel like laughing. We talk about Frank whenever we want to. And we're doing normal things and getting out a little, too. We're respecting each others right to grieve differently. I am very very proud of the how the kids are handling themselves so far. They have been so sweet to me, and to each other. A mommy couldn't ask for more.

A thought came to my mind the other day. Beautiful Feats Ministries. It was listed in the paper, it was mentioned at the service. But Frank hadn't mentioned it here. And for those who don't live in Memphis, you may not know what it is.

Frank had a dream several years back to start a ministry to be the "hands and feet" of Christ by supporting the needs of families affected by devastating circumstances beyond their control.

This was something Frank worked very hard to accomplish. And with the help of his Board of Directors, he was able to see this dream become a reality. He wanted the website to be fully working before he put it here for you to see. Frank's last board meeting was on April 26th.

I am very proud to be able to link you here to Beautiful Feats Ministries!

http://beautifulfeats.com/

Even though we are walking in a "fog" of grief right now (that's what my book calls it), there are many tender moments we have during the day. The pain of loss is bitter sweet, because with each remembrance of him, we are reminded of how much we love him ~ how much he loved us!

He is everywhere in this house, and in every thing I do! And yet I know that's a blessing. We shared much, and much is lost. We are so blessed! My belief in that has not been shaken. Thank you Jesus!

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

The cards and notes we are getting are so comforting. It's a joy to read how Frank touched your life as well. Thank you! And thank you for your continued prayers for our family. Not just the kids and I, but for his family and mine.

Still in His grace, Peggy

2009-05-06T10:45:00.005-05:00

It's one week since our Frank went to be with the Lord. Even though we thought were as prepared as anyone could be, it doesn't ease the pain of missing him. It just hurts.

BUT GOD..... He is our comfort, and source of strength and peace. The body of Christ has been such such a blessing to our family, uplifting us through this time.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep". Romans 12:15

The outpouring of love was amazing!!! It gave me such comfort for the weekend. It will forever impact the children as well, as they saw the line at visitation and the church full for his service. The kids knew their Daddy as... well... Daddy. Seeing how many people came to pay respect to him as they knew him through business, church, bible study, college, elementary school, etc broadened their perspective how many lives he has touched.

As we reflect on the weekend, "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you."

We do have a favor to ask.....

We have been told by so many people, that the guest book was too hard to get to in the lobby on Sunday, and as a result, we are missing hundreds of names of people that came to the service.

Because we not able to see everyone it would mean so much to us to know who was there.

If you were there and couldn't get to the book, please let us know, either by telling us here, or emailing me (so I can have your address), and we'll record it for you. It would make me sad to miss sending an acknowledgement. I have heard, only from others, of people that came. It touched our hearts, and we would have never known. Thank you so much for helping us with important detail.

Frank's posts were always so great! I used to linger as long as I could before posting after him. I hated "pushing" his down the page of the website. Remember the one about his taking a bath? (Oct 2008) It was powerful.

I feel the same way today, knowing this post would take his picture off the front screen....

so I'm keeping it! I could just stare at it all day.

The "family bed" has been so good for us. I haven't slept alone yet. Your prayers are needed, and so very appreciated for our family during this time. Thank you!!

Peggy, Chandler, Zach, and Chase

Our beloved husband and father.....

2009-05-01T08:38:00.004-05:00

FRANK ANDERSON CARLTON, III, 44, of Germantown, TN, went to be with his Lord and Savior on April 29, 2009 at his home, after a courageous battle with Multiple Myeloma. A celebration of his life will begin with visitation on Saturday, May 2, from 3-5 p.m., with a service Sunday, May 3, 2009, at 2 p.m. Both will be held in the South Hall at Hope Presbyterian Church, 8500 Walnut Grove in Cordova.

Frank was born in Greenville, MS on September 11, 1964. His childhood hobbies included swimming, hunting, and gardening. He was also involved in Boy Scouts of America, where he earned the highest rank of Eagle Scout.

Frank graduated from Greenville High School in 1982 where he was twice voted Class Favorite. He furthered his education at Mississippi Delta Community College, and then Mississippi State University, graduating in 1987, with a Bachelor of Science in Agriculture. During his years at Miss. State, he enjoyed fraternity life, serving as president of Phi Kappa Tau. Frank also worked at the Bulldog Deli, where he met his future wife, Peggy Brody, whom he married in November 1989.

That same year, Frank began working at Elliott Data Systems. He found his niche in sales and earned many awards for outstanding achievement. His 20 year association with Elliott brought Frank great joy, and he considered it an honor to work alongside colleagues, whom he also called friends.

Frank’s love for the Lord was evident in every area of his life, always eager to share the Good News. Frank worshiped at Hope Presbyterian Church where he has served as a deacon, taught in children’s ministry, and was active in his small group. Frank was a member of Bible Study Fellowship for 13 years, where he also served several years in leadership.

Frank loved people, and had a unique gift for making each person he met smile. His positive attitude was an inspiration to all who knew him. After being diagnosed with cancer in 2002, Frank’s passion became sharing God’s faithfulness. It is from this passion that he founded Beautiful Feats Ministries which seeks out unique ways of bringing Glory to God. He also enjoyed cooking, gardening, and spending time with his precious family.

Frank is preceded in death by his father, Frank Anderson Carlton, Jr. He is survived by his wife, Peggy and their three children, Chandler, Zachary, and Chase, mother, Frances Carlton of Greenville; brother, Scott Carlton (Virginia) of Jackson, MS and their children; Rachel, Read, and Phoebe, sister, Neely Carlton (Dave Maatallah) of Jackson, MS and their children; Marissa, Adam and Joshua; father and mother-in-law, Bill and Sandy Brody of Germantown, TN; sister-in-law, Lisa Amann (Jim) and their children; Julie, Lauren, Jimmy and Alexis of Eads, TN; and many other loved ones.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be given to Beautiful Feats Ministry, 5100 Wheelis Drive, Suite 215, Memphis, TN 38117, 901.867.8635; Hope Presbyterian Church, 8500 Walnut Grove, Memphis, TN 38018, 901.755.7721; or the Myeloma Institute for Research and Therapy, UAMS, 4301 West Markham St, Mail #816, Little Rock, AR, 72205

2009-04-30T01:38:00.004-05:00

The outpouring of love for our family has been overwhelming. The support and prayer for us means so much. Thank you. Thank you.

Visitation: 3-5 pm, Saturday, May 2
Celebration service: 2 pm, Sunday, May 3

Both will be held in the South Hall, Hope Presbyterian Chuch, 8500 Walnut Grove, Cordova, TN, 38018.

Memorial Park Funeral home has charge, 901.767.8930

2009-04-29T09:28:00.004-05:00

Hebrew 12:1-2 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Precious loved ones and friends, Frank has completed the run set before him. And he finished the race with honor, courage and dignity.

Frank went to be with the Lord early this morning. He passed away in my arms as I held him close and with our children with him. Our hearts are broken. Yet we know that he is in no more pain, and rejoicing with his Saviour, his Comforter, his Healer, and his friend.

Yesterday was the best day Frank has had in a while. We played hookie from radiation, and the new pain meds did indeed give him relief yesterday. He enjoyed the nice day on the porch for several hours. He told us funny stories, and watched a movie last night he'd been wanting to see for a week.

We will post more information about the service when it is planned.

As I know you will - our precious prayer warriors - keep our whole family in your prayers.

Thank you for walking this road with us. Frank and I thanked God for you so often.

In His grace, Peggy

2009-04-27T01:02:00.004-05:00

Well, it's 1:40 in the morning and I was determined to update before I went to bed! I hope your Sunday was relaxing. After a week of absolutely gorgeous weather, we are expecting rain all week. Life's been sort of like that around here! Sunny one minute, raining the next. But the SON is always out ~ rain or shine!!

Frank didn't need any blood or platelets Friday. Yeah! That gave us more time to spend at the Radiologist. Dr. Lee talked with Dr. Weir, and they decided to order an MRI of his head to try and pinpoint the source of mouth numbness and tongue deviation. The MRI showed a lesion on the side of his face, in front of the ear, that effects 3 facial nerves. But they couldn't find a lesion around the 12th facial nerve. That is nerve causing the tongue to deviate to the right and give Frank trouble talking. They started radiation to the other rib (that they didn't do last time) and the side of his face on Thursday.

Dr. Weir wants Frank to see a new doctor about the other issue, so we have an appointment tomorrow afternoon. The main concern is that the myeloma may be in the spinal fluid now, with that being the cause of the 12th nerve irritation. We'll know after tomorrow's visit. Please pray for wisdom for the doctor and a clear plan of action that is best for Frank.

Frank's pain has intensified again. Today's been a rough day. He was, however, really glad he got to spend time with Scott on Saturday. They had a plan to "rate" famous BBQ from Memphis. They got ribs from 4 stores and the men all tried out the goods for the competition. I'll try and encourage Frank to post soon and share the results!

Tomorrow will be long. Labs at Bapt outpatient, radiation after that, and then our appointment with the new doctor. Days like this are hard on Frank with so much moving around. We are praying in advance for a manageable day with good pain control.

My daddy is in the hospital again. He's getting his gallbladder out tomorrow. It was too pretty of a day to be cooped up in the hospital, esp because it was my Mom's birthday too ~ Happy Birthday Mom! Daddy's heart is back in atrial fibrillation, so please pray for him as well, that his surgery will be successful and he'll have a fast recovery.

Our sermon was on worry. Hummm... I don't know why all those other people were there.... that sermon was just for me! Oh, I am so thankful for His timely words to us.

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. Matthew 6:34 (Msg)

It's a daily surrender to trust God with every detail of what we are going through. Give us the strength Lord, and increase our faith all the more!

2009-04-22T11:01:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday Jim! We love you and hope you have a great day!

Thank you all so much for your prayers and notes to us after the last post. The intensity of Frank's pain has gotten better since we posted last Wednesday. Thank you, Lord!

After meeting with Dr. Weir, the meds changed and a radiation plan was set into motion. Thursday he got a unit of platelets (they were 4) and then we saw Dr. Lee for radiation. He started that afternoon with the first of 5 treatments. The last one is today.

We are so thankful he's getting some relief, but the real proof for us is when he feels like being more active. We don't get out much, so we were most encouraged when a trip to Gus's Fried Chicken sounded like a good idea to Frank for Friday night. Frank LOVES Gus's. Zach and I rolled him right up to a table and and we all enjoyed a deep fried southern cooked meal ~ and even left with a souvenir t-shirt! We even saw a movie Sunday night too!

Monday, his blood counts were low again. His Hct was 25, and Platelets 4, so spent all day at Baptist getting 3 blood transfusions. I pushed him across the street for radiation while we waited on his lab results and had a great time strolling outside. The weather was so nice! We talked trees and flowers and made plans for our yard. The day was productive and fun! The nurses there are so caring and accommodating. They take great care of Frank and our time there never seems burdensome.

Today is Wednesday ~ doctor day. After his last radiation treatment, we'll be at Dr. Weir's office getting Aredia (to lower his calcium levels in the blood and harden his bones) and then we'll meet with him.

Please be praying for our next step. Frank has a lesion on the right side of his face that is pressing on a facial nerve. At first was only making his mouth numb, but is has progressed over the weekend. His speech is slurred quite a bit and he's only comfortable eating soft food for fear of choking. We will talk to Dr. Weir about having that spot radiated. Like the lesion above his eye, we are very hopeful that the symptoms its causing now that seem so scary will go away quickly and he'll have full recovery from those effects.

As for the rest of the family, everyone has been busy. Chandler went to UT - Knoxville for the weekend and had a wonderful time. That campus visit put UT at the top of her choices for colleges. She's working hard to finish school and is looking forward to the prom in a few weeks.

Zach's having to rest from soccer this week for inflammation under his growth plate, around the knee area. I have no idea what that means, but we were all excited to hear that he's not done growing! He quit listening to the doctor after he said that .... either way, we are hoping for him to have a quick recovery.

Chase has a cold and is running fever. Please pray he can get over this FAST and keep his germs away from Daddy and the rest of us.

We are so thankful for your prayers, the meals, the help, calles, notes, etc. We are so so blessed to not walk this journey alone.

peg

2009-04-15T10:59:00.002-05:00

Good morning,

Frank didn't' need any blood transfusions on the 6th, but when we saw Dr. Weir on Wednesday, his platelets were 9, and Hct down to 27. So, Thursday morning, we went in for a bag of platelets.

Frank stays busy during the day working at the computer and "taking care of business" with breaks to nap, or change to a position that brings relief. As always, he's up before me and continues the be the hard worker he's always been - always finding ways to be productive. It's a quality of his I fell in love with a long long time ago!

Friday, April 10th was Chandler's 17th birthday! She's pretty excited... as any teenager would be. She has other close friends that share an April birthday, and they spent the time together doing what teen girls do.... talking and giggling (and don't forget texting) all night!

We were so happy that Frances came to spend Easter weekend with us. We loved having her and hope she enjoyed some much needed rest and change of pace for a few days. We made it to church and enjoyed a wonderful dinner over at mom's with the family.

Monday's labs at Baptist were not surprising to us. He needed 3 bags of blood: 2 units of red cells and a bag of platelets. His Hct was 25 and Platelets 2. That takes up most of the day and we were glad to get home and rest.

Dr. Weir changed his steroid schedule last week to try and help with side effects he was experiencing, but one of the trade offs is that he's more sore in the evening. We've since found out that this trade off was much bigger than we anticipated. His discomfort in the evening and middle of the night has become pretty intense. I know the pain I feel watching him suffer and can't imagine how it feels for him to be one dealing with it all. My heart is committed to help him be as pain free as possible.

Please pray that a solution will be found in order for Frank to be comfortable! Whether this means changing the drug schedule again, or increasing/adding more pain meds, or trying radiation to some of these painful areas... we are praying for relief, and for a clear direction in this area.

Romans 8:18-20, 24-27

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed....
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

We love you all so much are so very grateful for each one of you! We thank the Lord for YOU!
Peg and Frank

BUT GOD

2009-04-06T12:24:00.003-05:00

Frank and I have been saying everyday that we need to update the website, and have gone back and forth about who will do it. We’ve been busy (that’s our story and we’re sticking to it), but behind the excuse, the truth is, sometimes it’s hard to sit down and write what’s going on.

The last entry talked about Frank getting set up for radiation. After seeing Dr. Weir the next Wednesday, the plan changed a bit. Frank is not going to get radiation right now. His pain has increased with respect to intensity, and there are also a few new areas of concern. But I am so happy that the medicine is still giving him the relief he needs. With a tweak here and there, he’s comfortable most of the time. Frank wants to remain out of the hospital setting as much as possible and there was a chance our insurance was going to make us go to Little Rock for further radiation (long story) so he decided to hold off for now. It’s been a week and he says he’s really happy with that decision.

His blood counts were really low again Wed. With a platelet count of 3, the doctor is concerned that Frank may not be making platelets anymore. We’re now set up with a standing order on Mon/Thurs for labs and transfusions if needed… which is where we are now.

So many times, I am asked, “How are you doing?” I answer with the specifics… details like I’ve typed today. But sometimes, with a gentle touch, or a change of voice inflection, I get, “Yes, but how are you doing?” Humm, I don’t know exactly. I wish I could hold myself and the family up to a chart and check it out – like when you check the chemicals in the pool. That would nice wouldn’t it? Oh… I see that I’m a little low on peace today, and my fear is high. It’s seems silly, I know.

“I love the Lord, because He listens to my prayers for help, He paid attention to me, so I will call to Him for help as long as I live.” Psalm 116:1-2

In respect to this website, it seems to have gotten harder to approach the computer. Frank and I have always done this together – regardless of who’s typing, we read each others entries and it’s a joint effort in the end. That’s still true. But we both admitted that sometimes we secretly wish the other would update.

I think it’s because since the beginning of the year, things have been different. There’s been a different outlook, change of approach, a “new normal” to adjust to. It has been an adjustment, but God……

BUT GOD. Those words have been in on my heart for days now. It doesn’t matter what the day brings, what my fears are, what the prognosis is, or what challenges our “new normal” brings. God is the same today as he was yesterday, and He will provide all we need to face each day – for Frank, for me and he kids, for our loved ones… and for you.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Heb 6:19

Well, great news! As I type this entry from the hospital, the nurse just came in to tell us Frank’s counts were high enough to not need a transfusion today! Platelets 26 and Hct 29. This means he made some platelets on his own. Praise the Lord! What a great start to the week.

This picture is from the Chris Tomlin concert last Tuesday at the Fed Ex Forum. Thank you Darrin, for making it happen. We had such a great time. Chris Tomlin has great music, so worshipful, and it was a good show.

We say it all the time, but it’s never enough from our vantage point: THANK YOU for your prayers, generosity, friendship, love and concern for our family. Every day we realize how very blessed we are. Peg and Frank

2009-03-26T22:31:00.005-05:00

Well..... what do you do when you team is down by almost 20 points?
You remember to update your website!
We love cheering for Memphis Basketball, but tonight, yelling "MSU" to a deaf screen is...well... sort of - familiar! :) Maybe things will be different by the time I'm done.

Tomorrow is a busy day. Frank is getting his blood drawn at Bapt. Outpatient in the morning. If he's low, he'll get what he needs and tidy him up for the weekend. In the waiting time, he's going to next door, literally, and get everything set up to begin radiation to 2 spots that the doctor wants to "protect". The 2 areas are the shoulder and upper back. Shrinking the myeloma lesions now will prevent possible fractures in these areas later. The radiation seems to be giving Frank the fastest relief with the fewest side effects. We are thankful to have this option and be able to close to home for the treatment.

Chandler is having her wisdom teeth out in the morning. She's suppose to be playing the piano in front of judges at Festival on Saturday morning. Please pray for her too as she tries to do her best under less than ideal circumstances.

This week has flown by. It's been busy, and filled with emotional highs and lows. It never ceases to amaze me how God is there to meet every need, in every way. It's not just in the 'big' ways, and not just in the Joys, but also in those little hurts - even the ones you never mention out loud. Oh, how I love Him! And, oh, how He loves you and me!

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:18

p.s. Memphis is down by 6 now..... I can hear Frank yelling from downstairs! :) I hope we can do it!
Go Tigers!

2009-03-25T09:49:00.003-05:00

I can't believe it's Wednesday already!

We made it through the weekend, but not without concern for Frank's blood counts. He was bruising everywhere, and I was quite anxious to get him to the hospital Monday morning.

Our suspicions were right, and his counts low. Hct 21, Hgb 7, Platelets 3. (yes, 3). He was almost 4 quarts low! We spent all day getting blood: he got 2 units of red cells, and a bag of platelets.

It was different day for us though. Usually, Frank is asleep the whole time because of the pre-meds they give him, and I am awake catching up on my Bible study or reading, etc. But instead, Frank stayed awake all day and made phone calls about our insurance bills. He had papers stacks all over the room and was a busy as a bee. I have a cold and slept ALL day long. The kind of sleep that embarrasses you because you've drooled everywhere! Either way, we both were happy when we left there. He felt accomplished and I needed the rest. As we walked to the car, he grinned and said, "Now I know how a vampire feels... I'm full!"

Tuesday was another unusual day for Frank. He spent all day at the office. He had things he wanted to do and it was great to see everyone too. He was tired and sore after such a long day, but it was worth it in every way. The kids and I did school and tried to get back to a routine after spring break.

Today, we're headed up to Dr. Weir's office. Frank will get a medicine today that hardens his bones. Then we'll get blood work and see Dr. Weir.

We are so happy to see things turning green and warmer weather! I hope you are too.

Thank you for your constant prayers and support for our family. We love you and thank God for you!

Peg

2009-03-21T21:07:00.006-05:00

Thank you so much for the sweet notes, calls and prayers for our family these past few weeks.For any of you that knew Big Frank, you know how very much we miss him.

We returned home from Greenville late late Thursday night. Friday we tried to switch gears and prepare to leave on our trip to Colorado with the church. The kids left on the buses with the youth group on Saturday afternoon, but our caravan left early Saturday morning. The buses drive straight through, but I am not up for that! We stayed over in Kansas and it broke the trip up for us.

The week was wonderful, weather beautiful and fellowship even better. It was fun being able to ski with kids during the day, but I missed Frank's company on the mountain very much. Coming home for a quiet night in the cabin by the fire was most comforting. He found his own fun during the day and has some wonderful pictures to show for his outings. He and my mom found a beautiful babbling brook and took video of the sound, but they are most proud of the mile high meringue on a piece of pie in a local diner. If you know Frank well, you know he travels on his stomach. He'll gauge any trip on how good the food was.... he said he had a great time!

Frank only had one evening where he felt bad, but thankfully the next day was much better. His fever broke, never came back and we made it home so so happy that the trip was a success. It was a huge goal for us as a family. Thank you Jesus for Your watch care over us!

On the way home we stopped off in Little Rock and hugged the nurses and staff at UAMS. It was wonderful to see them. Just walking the halls reminds of how much God has done! Blessings after blessings. Even though we are home now, our hearts are full of gratitude and will forever be with the staff that had cared so tenderly for Frank these past 6 years. We took pictures and laughed with them before getting back on the road and it made a great end to our adventure.

Monday will be a challenging day at our house. The kids have missed 2 weeks of school. We'll be trying to regroup and finish the year strong! Monday, Frank will have labs drawn and to see how he's doing with Dr. Weir. Frank has a new little bump that is on his skull. It popped up over night, literally. He says he's growing a horn. :) I'm sure we'll have some things to discuss with Dr. Weir. Thank you for your prayers in advance concerning his next course of treatment.

I like this picture of Frank and I, esp because it was taken on my birthday. I skied with the kids in the morning and had lunch with Frank in town in the afternoon. (He asked me on a date... yahoo!) Frances and I share our birthday together and we had fun talking to her too. She had a fun filled day with her sister in Greenville, but we look forward to seeing her so we can blow candles out together.

Ps 107:1 "Oh give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His mercy endures forever."

2009-03-10T00:39:00.006-05:00

Thank you so much for the calls and emails of support of our family during this time.

Frank and Frances with Chandler, Zach and Chase ~ Jan 2009

FRANK ANDERSON CARLTON, JR. 74, United States Army, Colonel (Retired) Greenville, Mississippi. Funeral services will be at 11:00 a.m., Thursday, March 12, 2009 at First Baptist Church. He was called home to be with His Lord and Savior on Sunday, March 8, 2009 in Greenville following a sudden cardiac death. Burial will be in Greenville Cemetery under the direction of Boone-Wells Funeral Home, Greenville. Born, February 12, 1935, in Hollywood, California to Hazel and Frank Anderson Carlton.

Frank was a man who lived many lives well, all at once. His life was punctuated by a love for his family, a love for his community and country, and a love of God, which he shared with others in unique ways. Frank graduated valedictorian of his senior high school class from Jefferson Military College located in Washington, Mississippi. During this same time, he lived with his aunt, the Honorable Zelma Price, while working as a teenager for the Mississippi Legislature in the Post Office during its sessions. This is where he first developed a love for the law, the legislative process, and public service. Frank went on to attend the University of Southern Mississippi on a Golden Gloves boxing scholarship. He was proud of his Golden Gloves record. He was a member of the Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity, where he served as President, 1956. He was active in student government at USM, serving as President of USM Student Body from 1956 1957 and he was selected as the 1957 Outstanding Male Graduate for USM. Frank graduated with a B.A. in History. He was commissioned through ROTC.

Frank reported for active military service at Fort Benning, Georgia for Basic Infantry Officer’s Course. Frank entered law school at the University of Mississippi in 1957 and achieved notoriety by serving as the emcee of the “Murder Bowl” football game between the Pharmacy School and Law School. He dropped out one semester to make his first run for the Mississippi House of Representatives, an unsuccessful political campaign, but it was during this time that he met his future wife, Frances Caillouet. Frank later served as President of the Senior Law Class and graduated in December 1960. He returned at that time to Greenville where he opened his private law office. During his legal career, he was a member of the Washington County Bar Association, Mississippi Bar Association, the Mississippi Trial Lawyers Association, and the American Bar Association. Frank and Frances were married on his birthday, February 12, 1961, in Greenville, Mississippi.

In 1963, Frank successfully ran again for the Mississippi House of Representatives and served from 1963 1972. He was a leader on education issues helping to pass legislation critical to the funding for the Mississippi Public Broadcast System. He was noted by all for his humor and comraderie. Frank began his career as a prosecutor in 1971 until 1975 as an Assistant District Attorney in Washington County before returning briefly to the private practice of law. In 1979, he ran for the post of District Attorney for the Fourth Circuit Court District, which he won and held until his retirement in 2004.

He was an active member of the Mississippi Prosecutor’s Association, serving as President, and mentoring his colleagues. He continued to support the organization beyond retirement. Throughout his legislative and legal career, he had an active military career. He was a Special Forces Green Beret. Most notably, he was a founding member of the original Mississippi Army Guard SF “E” Company in Jackson, Mississippi. He served an extended time as an “A” team leader, eventually rising to be the Commander of “C” Company in Columbus, Mississippi. He was honored by his airborne comrades in the 20th Special Forces Group as the “Best Damn Trooper to Stand in the Door.” He retired from military service as “Colonel Carlton” in 1984.

Frank loved Greenville, Washington County, and the State of Mississippi. He served over 25 years as Chairman of the Board for Washington Warren Issaquena Sharkey Community Action Agency. His service was honored when the Board established the “Frank Carlton Humanitarian” Award. He was a twenty-five year Board Member of the Washington County Opportunities, Inc. (Headstart). He received the Greenville Chamber’s Point of Pride Award. For a time, he operated a newspaper known as “The Delta Gazette” featuring uplifting community interest stories. He organized the “Barbeque, Catfish, and Hot Tamale Cooking Contest” and its companion the Greenville Blue Grass Festival. He was the proprietor of the “Big River Goat Ranch Kick Ass Cooking Team,” which prepared the food for his annual “Christmas in July”, a community celebration for 39 years. One day before he died, he won First Place in the tamale challenge for the Louisiana Hayride Performance Event held in Greenville, Mississippi.

He was a lifelong member of the First Baptist Church where he taught Sunday School. When not spending time spoiling his grandchildren, Frank had many notable hobbies. He loved his family’s homestead, and he was an avid gardener and goat rancher. He passed away while tending to his goats on the land where he was raised, where he raised his children to love the land and where he communed regularly with his Lord and Savior.

He was preceded in death by his father, Frank Anderson Carlton, his mother, Hazel Wells Carlton, and his brother, Walter Carlton. He is survived by his wife, Frances Caillouet Carlton, his children, Scott Carlton (Virginia) of Columbia, Mississippi and their children Rachel, Harrison Read, and Phoebe; Frank Carlton, III (Peggy) of Germantown, Tennessee and their children Chandler, Zachary, and Chase; and Neely Carlton (David Maatallah) of Madison, Mississippi and their children Marissa, Adam, and Joshua, as well as by his aunt Walter Lou McIlwain, cousins Billy Eugene Wells, Zelma McIlwain, Willard McIlwain, III, George Read Carlton, and many other family and friends. Pallbearers are Walter Brown, George Read Carlton, Jim Carraway, Lynwood Easterling, Mike Keller, George T. Kelly, George F. Hollowell, Jr., Charles McKeller, and Dewayne Richardson. Honorary Pallbearers are the Mississippi Bar Association and the Billy Ireland Sunday School Class. The family will receive friends from 6:00-8:00 p.m., Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at First Baptist Church. In lieu of flowers, the family asks for donations to Jefferson Military College Foundation, Post Office Box 11, Washington, Mississippi 39190, 601-442-2901. Boone Wells Funeral Home 662-335-7111

My Daddy

2009-03-09T10:00:00.003-05:00

March 9, 2009

A Time for Everything - Sunday, March 8, Greenville, MS;

At approx. 4:30pm, Frank A Carlton Sr., was out on his goat farm doing one of the things that he loved best, looking after his animals. With a feed bucket in hand, Frank was slinging sweet feed & corn so that all the creatures got their share. It was at that time Frank Sr. had a heart attack.

He sat down with his “friends” and in the most gracious way God could of ever made the call, He told Big Frank, “let’s go home.”

Arrangements are for Wednesday visitation from 6-8 at the First Baptist Church - Greenville and another visitation from 10-11 on Thursday; the funeral service is at 11:00am.

In loving memory of my dad,

Frank

Ecclesiastes 3 - There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.

2009-03-07T23:38:00.003-06:00

Hi everyone,

Just a quick note to let you know the liver scan was normal. They didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Praises!

Dr. Weir took Frank off the Revlimid, and said in about 1% of the time it can cause liver problems. So, we'll see if that works. I already think he's less jaundice. Maybe that's the "lime in the coconut" Frank needs! He's is on an antibiotic and for the past several days hasn't had any fever, so that's good too. Otherwise, all else is well.

We'll see Dr. Weir again on Wednesday.

Don't forget to set your clocks tonight.... much love from all of us....

2009-03-06T01:56:00.000-06:00

Good evening from the Carlton house... and since it's after midnight, I have to officially say:

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY CHASE ANDERSON! Chase has been cracking us up, counting down the day. We are so happy to celebrate with him.

Frank went to see the Infectious Disease guy on Tuesday. We liked him and appreciate the approach he's taking with Frank. He did say there was a bacteria in his lung. It's a cousin to the TB bacteria, but it's NOT TB. It can lie dormant and do nothing, so it may -or may not - be the cause of the fevers. He is doing some more blood work, looking at his past scans and having Frank keep a log of his temperatures. We are happy that he doesn't seem too concerned, and that he's not anxious to just run a lot of aggressive tests right off the bat.

Next in line was Dr. Weir on Wednesday. His liver enzymes had gone up some more, and his hematocrit was 22. So, we went today for a liver ultrasound and 2 units of blood. We hadn't been to Bapt. Outpatient in a few weeks and it was good to see the nurses there. Leaving the relationships in Little Rock has been hard, but we are finding our way into new ones here. The nurses here love Frank ~ it's easy to do ~ and the sweet relationships are forming that make days like today easy on ... well, I was going to say Frank, but it makes it easy on both of us really, but esp Frank. Our nurses today were so sweet and asked a lot of questions about Frank and his journey.

Speaking of which... Frank shared last night a bit of his testimony with a church. He told people of all ages, that God is enough, and faithful, and trustworthy ~ no matter what your circumstances. What a sweet time of fellowship and prayer this church has and what a blessing it was to be there with them.

We learned today that one of our close patient friends, Susan went to be with the Lord on Monday. I have thought of little else ever since we found out. We made friends with them about this time last year and kept up through phone calls and emails when we weren't together in Little Rock. Mike and Susan were in our same apt complex and she and Frank were on the same treatment regimen most of the time. Susan was a strong woman of faith and we spoke often of what the Lord was doing in our lives. I am so thankful this earth is not our home!!

As we enter the weekend, we have many praises:
*that Frank's fevers have not been over 102
*for the flexible schedules we have with the kids
*for the wonderful support system all around us

Please join us in prayer:
*for wisdom as doctors look for cause of elevated liver enzymes
*for stable blood work
*for good results from the radiation (the ones on his head are GONE)
*for the Nanney's as they continue to battle Lyme disease

Ephesians 3:16-19
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

2009-02-27T22:54:00.003-06:00

A lot sure can go on in a week.... the Carlton Gang’s week has been another busy one.

The cool thing is that it's mostly good stuff. Our lives have been blessed, eventful, and busy. One can never say it's never dull around here.

As we described from last weekend, we held the funeral for my mom’s Aunt Alice Ruth George. As funerals go, it was truly a celebration of her life and what a wonderful giving spirit she exemplified while alive. Her life in heaven will be a joyous reunion of her and her family and that is a beautiful thing. After the funeral, with family in tow, we all had a good time catching up.

For those who prayed for Chandler and her getting over the flu, she did get better and she was able to make her trip with Lauren to Cincinnati. They had fun and enjoyed visiting the Univ. of Cincinnati campus and Lauren's grandparents.

As for me, I am still struggling with these “yo-yo” mystery fevers. Some nights I’m all clear, other nights I run 101.7 fevers and sweat up a storm. I also got some strange results from my labs and blood work on Wednesday.
Dr. Weir is calling in an Infectious Disease specialist and we are going to see him soon. I guess this means they're going to “put the lime in the coconut and call me in the morning”. Infectious Disease Doctor, sounds serious. We will let everyone know as soon as we know something.

Here’s some more good news. The egg shaped Myeloma knots that were on top of my head have pretty much gone away. Even the ladies in the radiation department have been impressed by that recovery. My shoulder is better, not fully recovered, but better. And with 3 radiation treatments down I already feel my hips getting loser. Praise God for this! By getting a little bit of relief, it makes me feel more like the person I am on the outside as much as I feel like ole Frank on the inside.

Bill has recuperated to a point where the doctors we able to proceed with his cardioversion to fix the heart arrhythmia. It was this morning, and it worked, first attempt. Yee Ha! God is so good!

Finally, because of my broken tooth incident, I got a new opportunity to share my testimony this coming Wednesday at another church. I am so excited by this, because one of my goals all along has been to try and find ways to honor God with all these “struggles”.

The HOPE that I have in Christ can and is meant to be offered to others that may be facing tough times. God wants us to lean on Him for understanding, He wants us to trust in His promises, and He wants us to cast our worries on Him.

I (we) have had to do this in so many ways and I consider it a privilege to tell others how faithful He has been to me.

Psalm 55:22 “Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.”

Frank

2009-02-18T19:58:00.005-06:00

We hope your week has been good so far. Ours has been eventful and busy. It's never dull around here, you know.

With Monday being a holiday, the kids enjoyed getting out of the house and being with friends. We've also enjoyed spending time at the Athletic club attempting to be more healthy. They have PE this semester and the membership has come in handy.

Frank has been having what we call "yo-yo" days. He'll have a fever for an hour, chills, sweat, and then... not. Since he's pulsing the steroid, the days he comes off, are usually not as good as the days he's on the drug. He takes Dex every other day, hence the "yo-yo". His patch and pain pills still give him good pain relief as long as we stay on top of the timing like we should.

Monday night, Chandler started feeling bad and by Tues morning, she was running over 100 fever. I took her in to see our doctor. While we were there she ran 103 and after a few tests, they said she had the flu. I am so sorry she is sick, but am really mad at myself. I tried to get the kids their flu shots in Little Rock and couldn't get them. The place I went wouldn't give them to minors. After we got home, we were all so caught up with things I didn't take them. They didn't want them and argued they never get the flu. Mother guilt... nothing like it! She has stayed in her room most of the time, away from everyone, esp Frank and is feeling a little better all the time.

Frank did wake this morning with 101.6 fever and "gooky" eyes. When we called the doctor, he wanted a chest xray before we saw him today - just in case. We got in and out of Baptist pretty fast and as always had a good visit with Dr. Weir. He said he thinks the fever Frank's having is disease related. He called it tumor fever. The chest xray didn't show anything infection related, but did show a rib fracture. Frank could've told you that. It hurts.

We discussed radiation options vs some chemo vs doing what he's doing. Frank is going to stay on the Dex and Revlimid for the next few weeks and see Dr. Lee for radiation to a few spots that bother him the most. We meet with Dr. Lee, the radiologist this week.

Overall, Frank and I have talked about how pleased he's been with the mobility and freedom he's had to do some fun things he's wanted to do. Things that being in Little Rock wouldn't have allowed him to do. No one knows Frank's heart as well as he does, but from my view into his heart, he seems to still be at peace with the decision he has made. For me and the kids, that means a lot to us.

Chase has enjoyed his substitute teacher in my frequent absences. My niece, Lauren, came home from graduating college, awaiting her law school admission letter to help out where needed. We have been in need and Chase isn't upset at all about her taking my place. He hugs me real tight in the morning and say.... "Is Lauren coming over?". Who would blame him?? Not me. We are so grateful for the help and fresh perspective she brings to the table for Chase. Julie, my other niece, has been Chandler and Zach's Spanish since last Aug. She's been coming over once a week to grade work and have lab with them. Chase feels special now!

This weekend we will see a lot of Frank's family here in Memphis. Frances' aunt passed away this week and we will celebrate her life this weekend. Aunt Alice Ruth loved much and was loved my many and we will miss her.

Thank you for keeping us in your prayers. We are praying for:
*quick healing from the flu without anyone else getting it
*wisdom for doctors as they make radiation decisions
*God's grace over Alice Ruth's family as they grieve their loved one

We are praising God for all the blessings and answered prayer He has so graciously given us.

Heb 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2009-02-15T20:16:00.002-06:00

I think the Carlton Gang has the traveling bug in its veins.

Last week, we went to Starkville, MS for a basketball game. This week, we jumped into the car and went down to Greenville, MS to drop in on my dad for his birthday. He turned 74, and he’s a young 74, I must say. We surprised him by showing up at a restaurant where we and mom enjoy going. I do believe he was caught off guard. Since we have never done something like this before - drop-in on him for a mid-week visit - I think he really got a kick out it. The food was good, the company was grand, and a good time was had by all.

As we last reported, my treatments and the after effects have been pretty mild. I am still taking Dexamethasone and Revlimid at home. This protocol has me experiencing some good days and some bad days, meaning that my fatigue and pain level vary from day to day. In general though, my pain management has been good.

My lab values from last week fluctuated a bit with my platelets falling down to around 23, and my potassium got low a few times, but overall my labs were stable as well.

We did have one scare this past week, and it came in an unusual way. On Thursday, while we celebrated Alexis and Bill’s birthday I had an accident. I took a bite of chili and somehow cracked a tooth. For most people cracking a tooth on a bite of chili is kind of a weird thing. For me, it’s pretty weird too.

For me, it presents a series of problems that include avoiding infection, considering which treatment option to use because of my low platelets, and long term, I have to watch my temperature really close because it seems to fluctuate so much.

So, here’s where the really cool stuff comes into play. Peggy and I didn’t sleep well that night since we were not sure what we would do next. Well, praise God for the way He can “walk in our footsteps” many times before we even take them. The next morning Peggy and I got up to find the phone number for Dana. Dana is our dental hygienist, friend, fellow soccer mom. She has also walked a journey or her own this year with cancer and knows all to well the sensitive issues you can find yourself in. Dana, and Dr. Clark were so sweet to see us on their day off.

We are so happy for the blessings God gave us. First after checking the x-rays, the crack in my tooth was no where near as deep as we first imagined. It was shallow and clean, meaning it wouldn't have to be pulled, avoiding the platelet issue. Secondly, after the repair had been sealed, Dr. Clark, Dana, Peggy, and I bowed our heads and praised God for the ease of repair and the fact that as believers we can be thankful that in moments like these. We knew that God had prepared the way for this event and had turned what could have been a disaster into a blessing.

God is so good, He is so good to me!

Frank

2009-02-03T15:11:00.006-06:00

The Carlton Gang is so appreciative for all the kindness that has been shown to us. Especially since last Friday, our family and friends have been so gracious. In these past weeks we’ve seen our prayers answered, and in general it seems as though a “blue bird has been on my shoulder”.

For instance, last Friday we got the idea to attempt a family Road Trip to Starkville, MS. We had read in the paper that State was playing Ole Miss so we made some phone calls to see if it was something we could pull off. We are so thankful to Peggy’s cousin Scott, because without his graciousness, none of it would have been possible. It was also great to see family we don't see very often.

The team lost the game but, we were able to console ourselves by going to the BullDog Deli. We ordered up some sandwiches from the establishment where Peggy and I first met. Saturday brought back so many fond memories for Peggy and I and it was fun to show the kids where we used to hang out.

Treatment wise, I’ve been pretty low maintenance. We went in for labs on Monday and to our surprise (and in answer to prayer) my platelets were sitting at 35. (fresh from a different machine). The rest of my lab values were in line as well, so I got to go home without any additional treatment. Man it sure is good to be “healthy”. It takes some of the stress out of our busy schedule. I am still getting the IV antibiotics at home which Peggy can administer. I'm also so thankful that is being done without being an impatient, or needing a home health nurse.

We are praying Mr. Blue Bird will find Peggy's daddy as fast as he found me. God is good, and he is now out of ICU, and on a step down unit, but still needs your prayers. The pneumonia is getting better, but all the medicine has put stress on the kidneys. Please keep he and Sandy in your prayers.

Frank

2009-01-30T23:18:00.003-06:00

Yes yes yes, we are home.

Thursday at UAMS was promising to be a long day. They always are on clinic days. My dad had a rough night on Wed and I was so anxious to get home to he, momma, Lisa and my family.

We shared our family situation to Deena and within minutes things were in motion for us to get out of there. Frank got Invanz, platelets, and Dr. Barlogie said we could skip our discharge meeting with him. We got our cd copies from radiology, and a weeks worth of IV Invanz for me to administer to Frank from home.

UAMS is wonderful and we love them so so much. But we thank God for working through each one of them to meet our needs, big and small. Frank's physical needs, my emotional needs.... God knows it all.

While all this was going on, the kids had packed the car and we were ready to hit the road within 30 minutes of getting back to the hotel.

After dinner I went to see my daddy. I wasn't prepared for the unloading I did on his shoulder when I saw him. I have been holding everything in all week. Bottled up stuff is a specialty of mine these days. I took one look at him and lost it. Which of course, if you know my mother, made her lose it too. And if you know my dad, I got the calm reassuring pat on the back as I cried, "Now now, we'll get through this".

He is still very sick and it's complicated. I could go on and on about oncology from a caregivers perspective, but I don't know much about cardiology from any perspective. RN or not. As I've mentioned before, it's a lot of heart and lung issues working together. He now has Cough Syncope, which means he faints when he coughs ~ which he does a lot from the pneumonia.

I've had many texts and emails asking for an update about my dad, and we thank you for your concern for him as well. Please pray for him and for momma. She won't take her eye off him for a minute. She is tired and worried.

Frank is doing well today. Being home always gives him a special boost. We got up early to go to hospital and get labs drawn. They came back and said his platelets were 75. How many have stopped to reread that??? No way we said, including the doctor. They were 12 yesterday. They got a new sample and they came back 57. That much of a change in 1 hour? Still fishy. Doctor thinks so too. We don't know enough to wonder where the problem may be. We've never actually seen anyone count platelets. Our doctor doubted a platelet count a few weeks ago from the same facility. But anyway, we left and ran errands, visited daddy and went home. Frank even ran an errand tonight with Zach without the walker.

It was a good day for him and we are thankful and grateful and most humbled by the love and prayers you have shown for us. Good night.... from our home.

2009-01-28T23:59:00.000-06:00

One of the goals and prayers that Peggy and I have had these past few weeks has been that God would give us confidence and wisdom as we make treatment decisions. Well, after meeting with Dr. Barlogie, there still is only one choice. Our plan will be to continue our treatment and care in Memphis. The results of the tests here at UAMS confirmed pretty much what we had suspected. This last round of chemo didn't hold back progression of disease, but the places where I got radiation improved those specific lesions. In fact, the lesion behind my eye has almost completely resolved.

Now, as to why we had to come to Little Rock a bit early: my low grade fever and lung infection situation is getting much, much better. In fact my CRP dropped from .32(Tuesday) to .20(today). So if my levels drop again by morning, I expect to be turned lose. We have enjoyed our stay - but it is time to get back to Memphis.

Oh yea, and there's also the matter of platelets. They were 16 today, but they let me wait till tomorrow to get my bag. One for the road. For some reason I still have not been able to keep making platelets. It seems like I make enough to skip a day or two, but then I stop making them and my levels drop. Who knows why this is occurring, but regardless the reason, platelets can be given in Memphis. This issue should not hold us up.

Finally, Go Cardinal’s…….I haven’t declared my favorite team for this weekend’s SuperBowl, so I hope Arizona wins. I don’t have a reason to pull for either team so I’m hanging my hat with the underdogs. They’ve never won a championship so I hope they can bring it home over the Steelers………

I'm drifting in and out of sleep so I'm passing off to Peg for more details... good night.

Good evening,

We've had a good day today. We were thrilled when we woke up this morning and weren't iced in like most of AR north of us. We had to be at the hosp at 6 for a PET scan. Even though we had ice on our car, and roads seemed clear, we still saw a few people stranded from sliding around just in the 5 mile drive to the hospital. The good news for us was: get there early, get out early! We got the Invanz (antibiotic) right after the PET scan and headed to get the kids.

We ate out at Cracker Barrel for lunch. The cold aggravates Frank's pain, so we asked to sit by the fireplace. Sitting comfortably in a chair is an issue, and he stood a lot of the time. First of all, from our vantage point, it is helpless and awful to see him uncomfortable. We each want to help and know that nothing we do can make it go away. We all try to balance how to help him with out irritating him and hovering, etc. But second of all, on a lighter side of it ~ I observed today how others observed us. When Frank would stand up for some relief, the staff all looked around at each other like he wanted something, and eyed for our waitress. So... we got very attentive service. We had also asked to be near the fireplace for warmth. To be nice, they put a few more logs on the fire for us. After a few minutes Frank's back was hot and he had to move seats.

Yesterday was a tough day. Even though we were not shocked with the news, it is still always very hard to hear it out loud and read it in black and white. But like Frank said, nothing much has changed in his decision since Jan 2. We talked with Dr. Barlogie, who called Dr. Weir, and then we talked privately with Dr. Weir. We tried to stay quiet last night and off our phones, and be together and pray. And we had a good talk with Deena this morning. Frank does have confidence in his decision and I am confident with him as I support him. I have prayed that God would give him a peace that no human mind can comprehend - peace that only comes from the Holy Spirit as Frank seeks God's will for himself and our family.

Please forgive me if I've not been able to return your calls or texts. I have been trying to work with Chase in the evenings with school and I haven't been using my phone much. But for those asking about my daddy, I have a quick update on him as well.

His is still in ICU. Momma said it was hard for him to breath all day. He has pneumonia, but the doctors are also saying they think it's COPD. Both the atrial fibrillation and COPD will need to be addressed of course. Please keep him and momma in your prayers too. Our dear friends here at UAMS are always hard to leave, but I am anxious to get home to Momma and Daddy too.

We thank you so much for your prayers for our family! God has been good, and we have had a sweet time together. Hopefully, the next post will be made from Germantown. Love to you..... Frank~n~Peg

2009-01-26T15:56:00.006-06:00

Phil 4: 4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I'm sitting in our room at the hospital. His antibiotic is already done infusing and Frank is sleeping on and off, watching TV. We have a private room with a bed today, instead of being in the open room with 15 chairs or more. We're thankful for days like these.

I don't know how the rooms get doled out, but God knew we needed this room today.

Lisa called me at 3 am to tell me Momma was taking my Daddy to the ER for chest pain and shortness of breath. He's in Cardiac ICU now and stable. It's pneumonia and fluid on the lungs, but the Atrial fibrillation he's trying to get over isn't helping the situation either. Lisa is with Momma and they are sweet to keep the phone on so I could hear things going on in the room from time to time so I don't feel so far away.

Frank and I prayed for Daddy. We prayed for Frank. And we longed for answers today that would send us home.

Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Frank had to have platelets yesterday. They were 19. They had been 20 for several days. He must have lost one. We looked everywhere for it, and couldn't find it, so a replacement was in order.

After we got home last night, he didn't feel well. He slept for a long time, and still felt bad. I took his temp and it was 101.8. Not good. He took a shower and got in the bed. I checked it often, and it came down pretty quick. After talking with the nurses today, they think it may have been a slight reaction to the platelets.

His CRP (inflammation marker) went up again today. It's 44. It was 48 when we got here. It had been going down, but in the past 2 day, it has gone back up. His blood work looks good today but the nasal washing he did the other day came back positive for mold. Huh? Positive for mold. How do you get that? You breathe it in the air. Oh. Whose air? Any air. Hum, good to know.

So, as I type, and Frank rests and watches TV, we are awaiting orders for how to treat ~ how do I say ~ mold in your nasal cavity? When we know, you'll know. See now, there just may be some educational benefits to reading the blog!

We had a long talk with Deena, our APN and dear friend today. She has always had a special way of being able to talk to Frank, and me too, in a very candid, real, yet sensative way. It meant a lot to hear her not only affirm but agree with Frank's decisions and be supportive, esp from her vantage point. She has been a wonderful caregiver, advocate and friend, and feel so blessed to know her.

++++++++++++++++

Well, we've left the hospital ... with no new meds. They said come back tomorrow. There's winter watch tonight in effect for Little Rock. Frank and I left to pick up some groceries "just in case" - but so did everyone else in Little Rock. :) He kept the car warm and toasty for us and we got in and out of there pretty quick.

Tomorrow will be a big day. As you pray for specifics, please pray for my daddy, Bill, for complete healing and for my mom and family as they care for him. Please pray for wisdom as Frank see's the infectious disease doctor about the nasal washing results that came back and with Dr. Barlogie. We are still praying that any sign or hint of infection will go away, so we can go home.

Isaiah 55: 8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

Phil 1: 3 I thank my God every time I remember you.

With much love from our heart to yours.... Frank and Peggy

2009-01-24T15:34:00.005-06:00

As Peggy, the kids and I sit down in our Residence Inn residence, we are happy.

Today (Saturday), we were able to get in and get out of treatment in a mere 3 hours. To some that might seem like a long time, but in the Oncology world, that is a quick trip. The reason things went so quickly is because I didn't need many "suppliments", only the Invanz antibiotic.

My labs today showed that my platelets held steady - that's 2 days in a row. I was 20 yesterday & 20 today. The WBC was 1.8 and all my red values went up, so again today was so good.

Now, let me describe a long day. A long day is where you arrive at 10:30am, sit in the lobby for 2 hours waiting to be called back, and then once you get back in the treatment areas, you don't leave until 7:30pm at night. That's long day! Actually, that was yesterday.

Friday we reported for duty in the Chemo Room. This is where I get the antibiotics. While we waited, we had the good fortune of bumping into a couple that we have developed really good friendship with over the summer and keep up with Susan & Mike from Houston, TX. It was a joy seeing them, but it was unfortunate that we had to see them here again so soon. We've also been visiting with other patient friends here from Collierville that we keep up with . So, life in the waiting room isn't all bad. About the time we finished catching up with them, I got called back for the anitbiotics and we raced to get the bag hung so we would not be late for the MRI.

Mission accomplished, because we walked in for our MRI appointment on time. I was ready, Peggy was ready, but the MRI wasn't ready. We had another 1 hour wait on the MRI, which was our good fortune again because Karen Green and her friend Lisa dropped in on us for a surprise visit. Karen is our friend from Memphis we go to church with and a "fighter" like me. We've been praying for each other and it was really good to see her. It meant a lot to us that she would take time to come see us at the hosp on her fun weekend away from all that.

While Karen, Peggy, and Lisa caught up, I got inside the MRI 'tube' and went to sleep. Yes, after 6 years, I've learned to sleep in an MRI. I guess I've been in them so many times that the noise doesn't bother me anymore.

I woke up thinking I was done, but not so fast. The chemo room had called while I was asleep and asked us to come back for 2 bags of red blood. That doesn't sound like a lot, but as you already know we didn't get home until 7:30 last night.

No one had any trouble getting to sleep Friday night, that's for sure. We ate out and then Chandler and Peggy met Heather at her shop and got their hair done. How very gracious of Heather to be so flexible with them.

But all that was last night.... I was only there 3 hours today remember?

I don't get out much because sitting up is so uncomfortable. I decided to try a movie today for the first time. We hit a matinee and I did better than I thought I would. Then we ordered pizza and went to Heather's house to hang out for a bit. It was nice to get out of the hotel room. We just relaxed. The kids played Rock Band and games, I got to surf the net for MSU states on the game

In His grace,

Frank

2009-01-23T07:57:00.008-06:00

Frank’s Friday Morning (non-detailed & incomplete) Posting

Well everybody yesterday was really busy, we started by…………………………….

Once we were through that ordeal, as if that wasn’t bad enough, we saw the valet parking guy who was flagging us down. If I had of known what was up, I would of run the other way because……

Anyway, once the cops left, we just had to take a break. Lunch sounded good so we took a vote and decided that The Purple Cow has the best milkshakes but Arkansas Burger Company has the best fries. Since the sandwiches are about the same we decided………

Did you know that hydrogen-peroxide will get blood out of a shirt? That stuff is amazing. Anyway, the guy apologized and all, but we still had to find a way to get the wet clothes back to……..

The kids spent the afternoon finishing up some schoolwork so that hopefully our evening would be clear of obligations. I can’t move around very fast, but I can get around so we thought a movie would be fun. Well, our plan was good, but it didn’t work. I wasn’t counting on someone else messing things up. Once we got to Radiology Dept. I found out the system was 2 hours …………..

Finally the longest day was over and since we were so exhausted we just decided to go to Sonic and play the card game - Old Maid. The game is pretty simple really, but we play competitive Old Maid and wear army fatigues when we do it. It’s really fun.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner….Zach won, Chase won, and finally ……………..won and then we had to quit to get some beauty sleep.

Of course by this time you have to know that this posting is a joke. We have had so many heavy posts latley that I wanted to lighten up the mood. We've been spending time laughing and enjoying being together just like we had planned. We're doing well!

We love you guys and can’t wait to see you.

Frank

Ecclesiastes 3:4a There is, "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance".

2009-01-22T10:05:00.003-06:00

Good morning from Little Rock.....

Technology has changed so much. Facebook got the news out before Carltongang. Sorry for the delay. Frank tried for an hour to update last night, but he admits that details aren't his strong suit, so he deleted it and pushed the computer over to me.

His fever had been consistently going up and his congestion hadn't gotten any better. Yesterday, as he was getting ready to see Dr. Weir we noticed his temp was 101. By the time we got the office, it was 102.7.
He also had a pain in his right calf, sensitive to the touch. Dr. Weir ordered test to be run at Baptist Outpatient: blood cultures, chest xray, and an doppler/xray of the leg (to rule out a clot). But before we packed up we discussed with him our options.

We were suppose to be in Little Rock Friday for test and again on Tues to see Dr. Barlogie. We didn't want to miss those appointments. Treatment in Memphis would mean IV antibiotics as an impatient in the hospital. (Can you believe in over 6 years, Frank has never been admitted as an impatient?) But in Little Rock, they can be administered as an outpatient. So, as a practical matter, it made more sense to just come to AR and get IV drugs and not miss our tests. Dr. Weir being the gracious man that he is, didn't have a problem with that, called to speak with Dr.'s in LR, set up orders, and said "keep in touch with me." When we count our blessings ~ and there are MANY ~ Dr. Weir is at the top of the list.

The kids were great. We called and told them to pack up. We chuckled at how we looked like people running from the FBI as fast as we got out of Memphis. But we are very grateful for everyone that made it easy. With one phone call we got dog, cat, mail, paper, etc taken care of. Thank you so much.

We stayed up late watching TV with the kids, playing on the computers, and hanging out. Chase even took a quiz. We talked again about how God went before us to organize this year with school the way He did. Zach mentioned last night how glad he was that we were all here together. Amen to that.

So... with all that history, welcome to the confusion.... We are here. Suppose to be in the chemo room at 9 for labs, etc.

Frank woke up with no fever. The pain in his leg is gone. All gone. He said his congestion is better today.

We believe in miracles! Prayers have been lifted. Praise the Lord for improvement.

Walking into UAMS was like coming home to family for the holidays. Lucrecia stamps our parking sticker, David, drew the labs. We hugged Sandra, one of the nurses, and talked with Deena, our APN.... all just walking around in the hallway. Not that all their names are important..... It's just to show how very familiar and at home we are here. It's a 6 year history, a comfort level, emotional security and confidence, etc.

We're waiting on labs to come back and then Frank sees the infectious disease doctor.
Please pray for wisdom for him, and definitive diagnosis and clear cut answers about what we do next.

Proverbs 2:6 For the LORD gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Love, Peg, Frank and the kids

2009-01-20T08:08:00.004-06:00

Good morning... and a good morning it is! IT'S SNOWING !! Big fat flakes!

Memphis seems to get passed by every time there is of snow so we are thrilled and so excited to see the beauty of it ~ no matter how long it lasts. The kids and I are going to watch the inauguration of our new president today as part of their school day. At least they'll have a pretty view if "watching an historic moment" gets boring..... maybe I should make them take notes.....

Frank's moving around a little more independently over the past few days. He's relying on the walker a little less, willing to venture away from it for short distances around the kitchen or bedroom. We are thankful the radiation has given him some relief. Sitting up can still be painful so he rests on the couch or in the recliner most of the time.

He started running fever over the weekend. Mostly in the 99's but got up to over 100 Sunday. He also has some head and chest congestion. We've been in daily contact with Dr. Weir, even over the weekend, who is watching him closely. Please pray with us that this clears up quickly.

Friday we went to Baptist Outpatient services for platelets (they were 12). We went back yesterday for labs, expecting to need more platelets. But we were shocked, as well as the staff, when they told us his count was 30. Yeah! What a blessing!

His white count was under 2, which makes him more susceptible to infection and the other values are a little low, but not too low.

Frank mentioned being irritable in his last entry. There are times that sitting at this computer is challenging. Being honest about what we're going through isn't always easy, but it's not something we've ever regretted either.

As we talk with friends, we've realized that many are wondering how they can be praying for us, wondering how we're dealing with where we are. This is tough indeed. And I'm at a loss for how to explain what's going on inside our hearts. Actually, I couldn't truly answer that for anyone else other than myself.

But overall, I think we are doing OK under the circumstances. We are dealing with this and not ignoring it. We're talking about it, showing emotions, and adjusting to the our new normal pretty well. How can one judge how well we're doing this? I thank heaven that we don't have a lot of heavy experiences with grief, but it gives me no guidelines? I do know one thing we'd all agree on. It hurts. As Chandler said the other day, we're looking for the blessings in each day. And they are there! We're in our own home for treatment, we see Frank more during the day, the kids are home and have a flexible schedule, there's more support around us. The list goes on and on.

The kids have been sleeping in our room a lot. It started b/c Chandler was having bad dreams. Then, they started taking turns with who got to sleep in our bed. "Calling it" wasn't working out, so now they all sleep in the floor together. I exchanged our coverlet and put a comfy duvet on the bed so Frank could lie down whenever he wanted without having to turn down the bed. Another nice result of that has been more family bed gatherings and a lot more snuggling. Another blessing.

We cry. We laugh. We get frustrated. We get angry. We feel guilty. We apologize. We make up! You know ~ normal! We've all had to learn to balance trying to help Frank. I think it's hard for him to not be able to do the things he wants and is used to doing. Big things: like getting dressed, grabbing your own shoes out of the closest, driving. Little things: like the change in your daily routine. Being the one to get the paper and feed the dog, take out the trash, etc. Frank might even switch those examples. What I said was a little thing, may actually be the "big" thing. Watching someone else do something you'd rather do yourself isn't easy. And even though he admits to being sharp with us at times, we all understand and I think it bothers him more than us. I'm trying hard to balance letting him do for himself and be as independent as possible and be there when he needs me.

But it's the little things that can "get you" and cause a waterworks moment. And after we have one, we feel better, and we go back to living a normal as possible. And we only do that with the Lord's help.

Romans 8:31-39
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.
Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

It stopped snowing already. But it's still going to be a GOOD day.

With love from our house to yours,

2009-01-17T07:52:00.004-06:00

This past week has been pretty busy, but I think we’ve done a good job managing things.

Of course my challenges are very different from most people’s challenges. For instance, one of my goals for the morning has been to stand up, and without assistance, walk from the bedroom to the kitchen and then back. For most people that’s no big deal. But for me, I haven’t been able to do it in nearly two weeks. I’ll have to report back my progress on reaching that goal later.

For Peggy (and the kids) managing things mainly means staying on track with home school work and getting me shuffled around to my Dr’s or clinic visits. Unless the family is just telling me something to keep me quiet, everyone really did do their jobs this week and I am proud of them.

We enjoyed a visit by my parents this week. And they helped us enjoy all the visits from so many friends that have been dropping off “happies” at the house. By happies I do mean food, which we have enjoyed. We appreciate it so much ~ thank you.

Health Update – getting better has been kinda frustrating for me this week. Up until last Monday I was taking chemo and radiation. Now we have to wait to see how much good all the treatments have done OR did for me.

Right now, I do seem to be making slight improvements each day. I’ve gotten a little more agile this week, there are fewer and fewer episodes of shooting pains, and I am getting a fraction of the feeling back in my foot. Being patient is not an easy thing to do, especially when you are cooped up.

Unfortunately, being cooped up can also lead to frustration and anger. In my case a bit of misplaced anger. At different times this week, I have had to apologize to everyone in the family for harsh things that I’ve said. Did you know that a 30 second outburst of anger really can do a lot of damage?

In the book of James we are counseled that we should have self control over our mouths.

James 3:9-12 9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

This is not a new lesson for me, but for some reason I have to learn it over and over and over. As you pray for me, please add having better control of my tongue to the list. If I am going to be a blessing to others I need to have my heart and my tongue under God’s authority.

Well, I have to go now……I hope I didn’t “say” too much,

Frank

5:12pm ***UPDATE..... I did it and I had a glass of water in my hand too!***UPDATE

2009-01-13T16:04:00.003-06:00

Hey there!

Hope your day's been great! This is the first day Frank didn't have an appointment to be somewhere today. We've been busy at home catching up on school, cleaning and getting things done here. Frank's been making phone calls, and trying to work from home too. Zach ran off with the youth leaders for a bit, but we're mostly jealous of Chandler, who made time in her day for the yoga and ab classes at the gym. I'm glad she's making good use of her time.

Frank is doing so much better! Thank you Lord! Yesterday was busy, going to 3 different places for treatment. Chemo at Dr. Weir's office. Radiation at Bapt Cancer Care, and a platelet transfusion at Bapt Outpatient Center. (His platelets were 10 yesterday) He didn't use his walker when we went for radiation, and has been getting around easier and without a lot of pain. We've been so excited to see him more comfortable ~ but as excited as we are, I'm not sure it can't compare to the relief HE feels. Other than his pain patch, he hasn't even taken extra pain medicine today.

Frank has been given so many tests over the years. We've learned about the most detailed procedures and wonderful technologies that effect his treatment. So this sort of... different... The bumps on his scalp where you can see the myeloma pushing out are actually the visual "gauge" to see how effective the chemo is working. No fancy tests. He gets a kick out of that. The smaller ones are gone and only the bigger one is left. Yeah!

The radiation is also helping. His eye looks like normal again. And because he's walking better we know it's working on this hips too. We're excited about that because Dr. Lee said it continues to work 6-8 weeks afterwards.

Thank you so much for your prayers. We feel it, we really do. In our devotion today it talks about trusting God with each moment, whether we sense His presence or not. It reminds us to be thankful for today, because it's a precious and unrepeatable gift. (Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young) That's true, not matter what you have going on in your life! And we are thankful for today! And we're also very thankful we're not alone on this journey.

Frank's parents are coming in tonight for a few days, and Scott's family and Neely are coming on for the weekend. It'll be great to see them.

May God richly bless you today. We're sure asking Him to!

love, Peggy and Frank

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37

2009-01-11T06:05:00.003-06:00

Psalm 118

1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 2 Let Israel say: "His love endures forever." 3 Let the house of Aaron say: "His love endures forever." 4 Let those who fear the LORD say: "His love endures forever."5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. 6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? 7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies. 8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. 9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.

10 All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off. 11 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off. 12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off. 13 I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me.

14 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. 15 Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD's right hand is lifted high; the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!" 17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.

18 The LORD has chastened me severely, but he has not given me over to death. 19 Open for me the gates of righteousness; I will enter and give thanks to the LORD. 20 This is the gate of the LORD through which the righteous may enter.

21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation. 22 The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone; 23 the LORD has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes.

24 This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. 25 O LORD, save us; O LORD, grant us success. 26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD. From the house of the LORD we bless you. 27 The LORD is God, and he has made his light shine upon us. With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession up to the horns of the altar. 28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks; you are my God, and I will exalt you. 29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."

And today I thank you Father, because your love does endure forever!

Lord, thank you for your blessings, you refresh my soul!

Frank

2009-01-09T18:05:00.004-06:00

January 9, 2009....the evening edition…

OK, now the details…. First off, I have to give a BIG OLE "thank you" to my local oncologist Dr. Al Weir. He is just a fine person all around and we really appreciate his attentiveness. All week long he has called me (or made me promise to call him) to give him an up to the minute status of how things are working out. His attention to detail has made the switch to Memphis much, much smoother.

If you recall, we recently made a quantum leap in our approach to treatment by deciding to do our treatments here in Memphis instead of Little Rock. As in the past, Dr Barlogie still is in charge of "managing" my case, but the actual treatments themselves will take place here in Memphis.

In Little Rock, everything is on auto-pilot, one goes to see Dr. Bart, then you march down the hall and everyone just knows what to do. Here in Memphis, the drugs are a bit on the fringe, the staff has to “think” about what labs to run. It seems odd to some that we would want to run an MRI after a week of treatment, etc….but basically, the oncology world in Memphis doesn't revolve around Myeloma. In Little Rock, it's all they do and it's second nature to them.

Sooooo... it has taken us this week to get everyone into a groove. Peggy mentioned this in her previous post, but it was almost funny talking to the nurses. They sat down with us to “explain” our drugs, etc. as they read out of book. We would start laughing (just between us of course) because we knew more about the chemo, the side effects, and how often to give the drug, etc. than they did.

Yet we don't consider these issues as important, we both have said more than once how good it is that we are here. It's working out fine. And again, we have Dr. Weir, our family & friends, and our Lord, to thank for the difference.

As for me and my physical condition, I have had a miraculous turn of events. As late as Tuesday evening, I was suffering from extreme pains that were shooting down my leg. Everyone thinks it was/is the cancer pressing on the sacral nerve. There are lesions pressing on the L3-L5 area. But let me tell you, what ever it was/is, when the pain hits, it's like getting shot through the leg with electricity. Ever seen one of those taser videos? Well, I could be on TV with the way I was twisting on that nerve.

I am happy to say that I haven’t had one of those since Thursday…..thank you for your prayers.

I am also now using a walker. I can make it around without it, but "safety first" I always say.

We are getting lots of offers from people that are wanting to provide meals. If you are one of these people, contact Jennifer Young. She's been sweet enough to coordinate this for us and has a schedule so that we don't wind up with too much food and no one to eat it.

Her email address is jennifer@hopepres.com And thank you in advance!

BTW – I do like fruitcake. If your Aunt Grandie gifted you, then you can re-gift me. I was told that six week old cakes provide extra anti-oxidants and that those are good for my health. Bring em on…..

To top off this week of activities, the Carlton-House Academy of Sciences (CHAOS) started back this week.

We are very happy to report that no one was tardy to home school and that the kids have really stepped it up and got down to business this week. Esp with us gone every day with appointments this has been a big help. I am very proud of my kiddos. They started out on a roll.

We love you guys. Thank you for all you do, and as things roll, we shall carry on.

Frank

2009-01-09T07:30:00.002-06:00

Is it Friday already? Wow, the week really did fly past.

Today, Peggy and I make our way through the healthcare maze by starting at Baptist Healthcare’s Outpatient Center. The chemo that I’m currently taking is really working my platelets over so Dr Weir has ordered a transfusion. No big deal, just takes us getting in line and letting the professionals do their thang.

The plan is to hit the Outpatient Phlebotomy Lab to give them samples to type & match, then I’ll go and get “radiated”, and then we’ll go back to the Blood Lab to actually receive the blood. That should take till at least noon-thirty.

After that Peggy and I were going to go to GPAC and play racquetball. If anyone wants to join us, come on over, we can play mixed doubles.

Speaking of this week, each day has brought so many new and wonderful surprises. I continue to be blown away at the generosity and downright passion that God’s people have for me and my family. There are many verses in scripture that encourage us to care for one another so I should not be surprised. It seems that this week everyone has been working overtime and the love has just been pouring out.

We will have to fill in more of the details a little later, but I did want to post this Friday morning update as a way of saying thank you! We love yall too!

All things considered, Friday is going to be a great day!

1 Thessalonians 3:7,8 Therefore, brothers, in all our distress and persecution we are encouraged about you because of your faith. For now we really live, since you are standing firm in the Lord.

2009-01-06T21:11:00.006-06:00

This is the week everyone gets back to their old routine. Vacation time is over. School is back in session. The decorations are back in the attic. Back to normal.

We have a new normal. We have gone through new normals before. And over all, we are each adjusting pretty well. Our decorations are not up yet. I still get up and turn on the tree lights each morning. School time was sporadic today between appointments, and Frank's vacation time is about to morph into disability. But all these "new normals" come with new blessings as well.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7

I am so appreciative of the decision to home school right now, and I think the kids are too. The time together is good, and hopefully we'll have some flexibility with our schedule.

Frank got the second dose (of 4) of Velcade on Monday at Dr. Weir's office. Getting chemo in a new place was sort of different after 6 years of the same routine. Another new normal. Our nurse couldn't pronounce Thalidimide. And the Velcade had to be special ordered since they don't "give it very often". In contrast, Little Rock has Velcade sitting on the shelf, in bulk, with their own full time nurse that does nothing but handle Thalidimide. Frank filled in the gaps for them and now she's a pro on all the above. It's a beautifully equipped and quiet facility. Everyone was nice and it all got handled as it should. Best of all, we drove back to our house and slept in our bed at the end of the day. Blessings..... Awesome!

We also met with Dr. Lee about the radiation to his pelvis. They measured him and got him all ready yesterday, and he stared today. Dr. Lee says he's planned 5 treatments. This should shrink the tumors that are causing the shooting leg pains and give him relief. We are looking forward to that! I have been so worried about the stability of his hips. I hope this makes him stronger and reduces his discomfort.

This week is filled with more appointments. We see Weir again and get labs Wednesday and Thursday is the 3rd installment of Velcade.

The kids are doing okay. As parents we are watching them closely to see how they are handling things. I am seeing healthy signs out of them so far. Emotions are showing that have been stuffed in the past. Chandler sleeps with us about every other night. We are saving money on electricity... one more person makes it hot, so we don't need our space heater! Another blessing... We've told the kids to come to us anytime no matter what and I'm glad they are listening.... that is the real blessing ~ I was just kidding about the heater.

I have told you this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
John 16:33

Frank and I are in good spirits. Frank tells the same kind of stories, but sometimes, without any warning, you just start crying. I'm pretty good at holding things together - at least I used to be. I'm ok until I'm alone. In the shower or the car. (I can feel you nodding your head in agreement.) I took Zach for a haircut Saturday and started crying in the salon and couldn't stop. I'm was so thankful that 2 of the girls that worked there were Hope people and were very understanding.

Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.
John 14:1

Thank you so much for the comments on the blog. Frank really does look forward to reading them. Thank you for the emails, calls, hugs, meals, Facebook messages, etc. We feel loved and cared for in so many ways.

But most of all for your constant prayers as you lift Frank and the rest of our whole family up to our heavenly Father. We feel it. We couldn't live without it. And we are so appreciative.

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!
2 Corinthians 4:17

2009-01-04T05:15:00.004-06:00

Hebrews 4:16 - Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Oooops yall did it again!

Our prayers for smooth meetings with the Dr's was answered, our desire for more and better pain management was answered, and our request for more wisdom in making decisions was also quickly answered. All of these things and several other prayers were answered almost immediately. I really think the answers were already being taken care of before I (we) had a chance to even ask about them. I am so joyful!

Speaking of joy, Peggy got word Saturday morning that Dr Ravi Zacharais was in town. So we made plans to attend and we slipped down the road with Jim, Lisa, Sandy, and cousins Mac & Theresa to listen. Dr. Ravi Zacharais spoke on the topic "Where is God when life hurts". I thought that if he wasn't doing a good job explaining things, I could get on stage and help him out a little. Needless to say he did a great jod and it was totally awesome.

If you ever get an opportunity to hear him, go. Ravi is a converted Hindu, that moved to Canada back in the 60's and has developed several international ministries since that time. His thinking (and speaking) are on par with some of the greatest Christian minds ever. He has developed his mind and his public speaking abilities into what is called a Christian apologist. He spends a lot of time debating atheists, poly-theists, muslims, and mother earth types on college campuses.

We love you and may God bless you on this day,

Frank & Peggy

2009-01-03T01:29:00.001-06:00

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the LORD”, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Dear Father in Heaven,

On this day, I claim your promise of prosperity, your plan of hope, and your promise not to harm.

In Jesus Holy name I pray, Amen

ALL, I am a living, breathing, walking, talking example of how God’s ways are higher than mine.

I bear witness to the fact that God has been so, so merciful to me and has repeatedly blessed my family during this fight with cancer these past 6 years.

Today, Peggy and I met with Dr. Barlogie in Little Rock. He explained to us that we have exhausted all the therapies and treatments that would successfully suppress the Myeloma for long periods of time. We have returned to Memphis and will continue taking chemotherapy locally to slow things down as best we can and manage my pain.

We want to thank each and every one of you for all the wonderful ways that YOU have ministered to us. And, for all the prayers that have been lifted. Please continue to pray for us.

As the Lord declared, He still has plans for me (and you) and my kids and I sure do want to see a few more blessings poured out on His people before I catch a Holy chariot ride out of here!

In His Name,

Frank

2009-01-01T21:28:00.002-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
I imagine that we Carlton’s did the same thing that most everyone reading this page did today…that is,..we slept late, watched too much TV, and ate a lot of food that we normally don’t prepare for ourselves.

For us it was Seafood Gumbo, Black-eyed peas (with slimy okra), fried oysters, and omelets. Yes, dear ole dad cooked omelets early at the special request of Chase.

And what a day the first day of 2009 was for Memphis. It was such a sunny and wonderful day to start this new year. The sky could not of been any bluer.

As for New Years Eve festivities, the kids spent the early evening with us. We played some games and sat around talking mostly. We usually love having friends over, but a real laid back evening was just what the Dr. ordered.

Speaking of doctors, Peggy and I visited with Dr. Weir on Wednesday. We asked him a lot of questions about the different treatment options that are being planned for me and then asked him for more help managing my pain. We are trying to change up, add to, or possibly take away various pain medicines to come up with something that helps me. Without boring everyone with the details suffice it to say that I really am in excruciating pain without all the medicines. In particular my left leg has shooting pain that runs down the back of my leg that I can’t seem to resolve. The only thing that helps is not standing up. (I’m typing this sitting down)

So, all day long I’ve been sitting around thinking of how I can get things accomplished in short little runs. It goes like this, “If I can shuffle to the bedroom and change socks, I might have time to walk back to the kitchen to turn off the oven, and then go fall on the couch.” After 5 minutes rest, I can plan another excursion.

Anyway, at the stroke of mid-night the kids hooked up with the Varners next door to shoot our traditional fireworks. We had a good time, but for the first time in my life I went back and read the verbiage on the side of fireworks that says, “Adult Supervision Required”. Huh!

We had all been shooting mortars when someone placed a small mortar in a large launch tube. Normally, the explosion creates pressure and sends the firework shooting out into space to explode. However, when the tube is too big, there is little compression and the launch doesn’t go so high. The mortar we lit flew about 30 feet into the air an exploded right in front of us. WOW. Needless to say we were all pretty happy that no one got hurt. It was exciting though! Happy New Year ! After the show, the kids left for a spend-the-night party and we got our second wind to play cards till 3 am.

On Friday, Peggy and I will be traveling back to Little Rock to meet with Dr Barlogie.

We really, really need God’s wisdom and guidance to be with us tomorrow. There are few options and some really tough decisions that we are going to have to make.

Please lift us up in prayer with us as we sort though the issues.

James 1:2-8 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Col 3: 15-17 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Frank

2008-12-29T20:26:00.005-06:00

We are all curled up on the couches watching Mizzou and N'Western play football. Chandler is asleep, but they boys are keeping up. I don't know what's going on, but a football just hit an umpire in the face... that was kinda funny.

Frank and the boys got home yesterday from their hunting trip down in the Mississippi Delta. Chase shot his first deer! I got a phone call about 7:30 Saturday morning from a very excited and proud young man.....and after that, I got to talk to Chase.... :) Zach did a lot of duck hunting with his uncle Dave and a good time was had by all. Chandler worked Friday, Sat and Sunday, but we squeezed in some girl time and saw the movie Marley and Me.

The boys wouldn't have missed that hunting trip for anything, and we're so glad they got to go, but Frank came home admitting his pain has increased each day. He's having a lot of discomfort in his pelvic area, with pain shooting down his leg. He's also having some shoulder, sternum and rib pain. The good news is he doesn't wear his eye patch anymore (and subsequently stopped growling like a pirate) and the double vision has gotten better. Praise the Lord!

We got up early for his last radiation treatment. We also met with the Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Lee. We had a good talk with him and got some questions answered. We've been impressed with how detailed and attentive he is. We are so thankful we were able to do these treatments at home.

Frank and I were up all last night. He had trouble getting comfortable. We tossed and turned, took little white pills, and talked and rested until they seemed to help him. With Frank's increasing discomfort, we talked this morning and decided to call Little Rock. They scheduled an MRI, Cat scan and labs for tomorrow instead of next week. We will still see Dr. Barlogie on Jan 2 as planned.

It's half time for football now..... so we are switching typing duties, Peggy has been itching to watch the University of Memphis basketball game. Our family has deep ties to this game in particilar. Lisa & Jim and Jim's parents are torn (kinda) about who to root for. Mr. Amann and Lauren are both Cincy Alumni and they are all sitting together pulling for........heck, I don't know...but I hope the right team wins ! Peg's trying to find them on TV.

To elaborate a bit more on the weekend hunting event, Chase did bag his first deer, but Zach also had success shooting ducks and the three Carlton grandsons ( Zach, Chase, and Read) all enjoyed shooting a REAL machine gun and riding 4-wheelers. Grand-daddy Carlton is a gun collector and brought out a vintage WW II submachine gun. Compared to today's guns, this kind of weapon is not that effective. But to be able to shoot a 45 caliber, WWII, tanker machine gun was still pretty cool..... and I left my camera at home!
Go Memphis!

Hebrews 13:15 Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.

Please join us in prayer as we thank God for all He's done and for wisdom as we prepare to discuss the next phase of treatment for Frank, for pain relief for Frank, and comfort for every need.

Peg and Frank

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2008-12-25T16:30:00.005-06:00

We hope you all are having a wonderful Christmas. We are having a sweet time just hanging out at the house today.

Frank's radiation treatments have been going well this week. He's really happy to have the day off though. He says about 2 hours after the treatment he gets really tired, and it's accumulative effect is catching up with him. He's napping pretty often and that seems to keep him going.... Right now he's packing the boys for their annual hunting trip. They'll leave tomorrow after his treatment and be gone till Sunday.

Thank you for your prayers for our family. We have been so thankful for each person that has touched our lives in so many ways. After we got home from our family Christmas, we sat in a circle and went through our Christmas cards enjoying every one's pictures, and well wishes. We spent sweet time sharing what God has done in our lives and in our hearts. We prayed for God's blessings on each of you.

Merry merry Christmas!!

The Carltongang

2008-12-22T08:56:00.007-06:00

Good morning,

No doubt, with the last weekend before Christmas behind us, everyone is very busy. We opted out of several parties to have a more focused and relaxed weekend, but even at that, we've been on the move trying to "get ready".

Our pastor encouraged us last week to .... "Be still and know that I am God"..... to "get ready" for Christmas inside and out. What a timely message! A lot of our quiet moments have been in the middle of the night, as Frank nor I are sleeping that much. We haven't had so many 3 am conversation since the kids were in diapers. My other quiet moments are wet most of the time. His have too. I wish my tear ducts would have mercy on me and allow me at least some control. But even with all we have on our hearts, everytime I look in my yard I see a cradle and a cross. I am so thankful for the faithfulness and promises of our Lord and for His unfailing love.

Frank started radiation this morning. It went just like they said it would, FAST. Frank's parents are here with us so we all went to the clinic. We got there early and were done around 8:30 so we went and had McDonald's coffee (and the Big Boy Breakfast) to celebrate.

The treatments are everyday this week except Thurs, with the last one on next Monday, making a total of 5.

We have an appointment to see Dr. Barlogie in Little Rock on Jan 2.

Our devotion out of Jesus Calling yesterday ended like this:

Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles -- and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My glory.

2 Cor 5:7 We live by faith, not by sight.

Please join us as we pray and look for miracles! We feel like Frank is a miracle already!

Please pray we see fast results from the radiation and his double vision will subside.
Pray that Frank will have a clear cut answer before him as new plans for treatment are discussed and that he (we) will feel a peace about what to do next.
Pray for strength: emotional, physical and spiritual for each of us.

Much love, peg and frank

2008-12-16T07:32:00.006-06:00

It's Tuesday morning and I apologise for taking so long to publish this, but we had a long day Monday. When we pulled up to our house, little angels had decorated our yard for Christmas, and our table was set for dinner. After that, the snuggling began.....

To begin with, the meeting with the Dr. went about like we thought it would...I still have some areas of active disease. We kinda sorta knew this was going on, although we had hoped by some miracle, that the myeloma sites were going away.

The tough part is that I have a new lesion above my right eye over the frontal lobe that is causing me to have double vision among a few other symptoms. We wound up getting into an difficult situation with Dr. B in Little Rock asking me to stay for immediate radiation treatment, but my insurance telling me since I had suitable facilities in Memphis I needed to go home. We wound up coming home. It was sleeting in Little Rock when we left and we were glad to get out of there when we did.

All of that was a direct answer to prayer and a confirmation for us. Last week, after careful thought and consideration, we changed local oncologist and I am now back with my first doctor, Alva Weir. He had moved away, but is with UT group now. Peggy ran into him a few weeks ago not realizing he was seeing patients again. We met with him last week and decided to make the move. He helped us set things up right away and I have an appointment this morning with a radiologist to see about getting started with radiation to the lesion pressing on the right eye area.

Running late.... please pray! We'll report more later tonight.

Love Frank & Peggy

OK, it’s the end of another long day but progress was made.

Peggy and I met with Dr Lee this morning, who explained that he needed a special CAT Scan that involved me making a mask and having different kind of MRI in order to for them to make a final plan for treatment. Thankfully we got it all done today.

I was also discussed at Tuesday conference in Little Rock. When Dr. Lee called to have the MRI FedEx-ed here, Dr. Barlogie's nurse was taken off guard. They thought I was there, ready for treatment. We explained what happened with insurance and that we would be back the week as soon as these radiation treatments are over. She shared with me more chemo with stem cell recovery was discussed this morning. At least now I know what their thinking. But like we said before, we are glad to be home for now ... home for Christmas.

Wednesday we will be waiting on a call back from Dr Lee’s office to let us know when the treatments will begin.

We will be back on offense with my cancer soon!

2008-12-12T23:41:00.005-06:00

Thursday and Friday have been very busy, but we are back home.... safe and sound. Zach drove us home, logging more interstate experience to his driving time. He did great.

Frank did his PET scan, labs and MRI's yesterday. He had his bone marrow biopsy this morning. All the staff asked where Zach was.... just grinning from ear to ear. The story got told again of how he just slid right out of his chair last time he and Frank were there. They all thought that was so funny. And we did too. We told them Zach has a really good attitude about the teasing because we really give him a hard time about it. Zach says he did it on purpose to help make their day more interesting.... it was sacrifice!

The kids did a great job staying focused. They worked on school while we were there, and even in the car. We did have really sweet family time together. There is something about being in a little space with nothing to do..... I love it!

We can feel the prayers! Thank you so much. I love it when God just meets you where you are. I know He always does, but sometimes it's just so obvious! Our devotion today started like this:
(from Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young)

"I am taking care of you. Feel the warmth and security of being enveloped in My loving Presence. Every detail of your life is under My control. Moreover, everything fits into a pattern for good, to those who love Me and are called according to My design and purpose." (Romans 8:28)

and ended like this.... "If you could only see how close I am to you and how constantly I work on your behalf, you would never again doubt that I am wonderfully caring for you. This is why you must walk by faith, not by sight; trusting in My mysterious, majestic Presence." (2 Cor 5:7)

Thank you, Lord! (wow, I should have had a V8)

with hearts wide open....

2008-12-10T21:36:00.004-06:00

20 days since our last entry....

Our computer's been broken.............. No?
We forgot our password?..................... No good either?
Yea, no excuse.

We enjoyed Thanksgiving in Jackson. It was great to all be together. Everybody was there! 9 grandkids: ages 3 to 16. That's always fun! Chase got his braces on a few days before we left, but he adjusted well and they didn't bother him a bit. Zach got to show off his driving skills for Frank and Frannie. (I'm sure the color has come back to their knuckles by now!)

Since we've been back, Frank's had weekly labs. You'd never know it to look at him, but his labs have been consistently lower than we have expected/wanted them to be. We both keep scratching our heads wondering why. Is this his new normal after 6 transplants? Is recovery just slow after that heavy of a chemo? Will a bag of stem cells help him? I bet they're better next week!! And so goes the train of thought.
But the labs hover about the same each week. Low enough to need a transfusion one week (Frank says "no thank you", "I don't have time to do that today" ) and just high enough to escape needing one the next week, only to repeat the cycle again next time.

This has been a bit frustrating. Low blood counts have kept Frank more tired/less energy than he's used to operating on. But he is VERY determined to complete a full day. He has been working and so happy to be at Elliott. His other complaint with low counts is that he's cold all the time. Of course winter weather doesn't help that any. We have space heaters in our room and bathroom. I now know what menopause will feel like! He's running me out of the room! Another patient gave us the warmest blanket last month. He'll curl up in the recliner after work with the blanket and nap all toasty in his cocoon!

His pain has been managed mostly with the Fentanyl patches. They're nice because you can wear them for 3 days. It has given him relief for which we are so very thankful.

We jumped right back into a full schedule when we got home. In the past 3 weeks, we've finished the soccer season , piano season, had a guitar recital, a dance, youth group parties, and a house full of kids (my favorite). I even drove to Orlando and back with mom to help her with her aunt. School is almost out for Christmas! We've all survived a semester of home schooling. I now have a nervous twitch, but that's not really important is it?? And finally, Chandler got a job. She is hostessing at a local restaurant and is very excited about ~ well, earning some money!!

But this is always the hardest part to share. I can type all day about all this other stuff, and I know that if you are reading this you either ARE family, or you care ABOUT our family, but the truth is we wouldn't have this website if not for another reason. After 6 years, it doesn't get any easier to come clean with the deepest fears in our soul. In a lot of ways, it has gotten harder.

Since we got home almost a month ago, Frank and I haven't talked much about 'things' at first. It felt good to be home. After being cooped up for 40 days, he gets to drive his own car, go to work, etc. It's great! I have been told that for the caregiver it can be different, and I have found that to be true. Our emotions don't always match, which is normal. I have been a bit numb for lack of a better word. Or maybe it's the best word ~ it is an honest word. As we've gotten back into a routine, things were getting back to normal.

But right before we return for a check up, we both get very anxious. All the wondering and questioning and hoping and praying. These past few days have been very emotional for us. We are concerned about some symptoms he's having. When the patch runs out, he notices pain in his ribs. He also has one eye that is giving him a dark shadow and some double vision. He called Little Rock about this and they're adding an MRI of the head to the tests.

We will be in Little Rock today and Friday, Dec 11-12. MRI's, PET, bone marrow, labs, ect. We'll come home for the weekend. We will return on Monday the 15th to meet with Dr. Barlogie and get the results.

Thank you all for your constant prayers for our family! What a precious husband and Daddy we have! We love him so much. Keep him lifted up tomorrow with his testing.

We are praying for good news on Monday ~ that this last treatment is working. We are still asking God for healing, for constant protection over Frank's body; for emotional and spiritual protection over the children; for comfort and peace for us as well as all of our extended family.

Psalm 139 (The Message)

God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight. You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too—your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful— I can't take it all in!

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight? If I climb to the sky, you're there! If I go underground, you're there! If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon, You'd find me in a minute— you're already there waiting! Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I'm immersed in the light!" It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful! God, I'll never comprehend them! I couldn't even begin to count them— any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! And please, God, do away with wickedness for good! And you murderers—out of here!— all the men and women who belittle you, God, infatuated with cheap god-imitations. See how I hate those who hate you, God, see how I loathe all this godless arrogance; I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred. Your enemies are my enemies!

Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life.

2008-11-20T23:23:00.002-06:00

Hello Everyone, this past week brought lots of activity for the Carlton Gang.

Whenever I return from Little Rock I always pay a visit to my local Oncologist, Dr Johnson. We saw him and reported all that had transpired. Afterward I got labs drawn and started attempting to return "normal" life. For me that means going back to work. For the first week I only worked half days but this past week I actually had the strenght to stay all day. I'm happy that my stamina is returning.

My labs have been pretty stable. I dodged having to get a bag of blood one day. Platelets hover around 21. Hct 26, Hct, 9. White count steady at 2.

Peggy and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary this week. We enjoyed a night out for dinner at Elfo's Italian Resturant. It was a really nice evening and the food was pretty good, too. I give Elfo's a 4 out of 5 stars! The food was actually really something I wanted and it tasted good for the first time in a while.

Believe it or not, Peggy and the kids put up the Christmas tree. Since we are returning to Little Rock so close to Christmas for re-staging, I think they wanted to "be ready" for the holidays. It's bringing in the Christmas cheer in a little early.

We are going to Thanksgiving in Madison, MS to see mom, dad, Neely and Scott and their families. We're looking forward to chilling out and having a good time relaxing with family.

Well, thats it for now,

Frank

2008-11-10T18:16:00.005-06:00

Home.... nothing like it! Watching TV all curled up on the sofa......visiting with friends......... the pets wanting to be loved on......... the feeling of your own bed......... sleeping late on Saturday......... the sound of your child about to throw up......... Wait... that wasn't suppose to happen !

But it did. Zach woke up Saturday not feeling well. I shot up in the bed yelling at him to get in the bathroom! It must have been a 24 hours bug, because by Sunday he was fine. Zach has bragging rights ~ and cashes in on them often ~ about how he never gets sick. The last time he threw up he was 4 yrs old and doesn't remember it.

Frank was happy to have gotten his "get out of jail" card from Little Rock. We were all so excited to be home. He enjoyed his Sat. morning doing his solitary errands in the wee morning hours. He loves getting up early and having that time. He went to the office, the garden to pick turnip greens and, of course, Starbucks. I think he surprised himself at how tired it made him. He slept the rest of the day. He ran fever all weekend and is having some N/V issues too. He's anxious to get his strength back and jump back into work.

We'll see Dr. Johnson here at West Clinic tomorrow and set up weekly labs. Then return to Little Rock around the 15th of Dec for a full work up. Until then, we'll pray that Frank continues to re cooperate as his body gets stronger each day. He didn't replace the pain patch to see how his body feels without anything since the procedures on the vertabrae. We are hopeful to notice a difference.

Psalm 27:14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

2008-11-06T15:26:00.002-06:00

Yep, you're in the right place.... the site looks different I know. People watching in the waiting room has gotten boring, so I grabbed the computer and started playing around.

After his platelets this morning, he got the bump to 51. That's what I call living on the edge! They have to be 50 to do the procedure. After we talked to the staff in radiology, we found out he's having several of the vertebrae done, not just the one at T5. And because they are doing so many, he needs to come back to tomorrow. They can't do them all in the same day.

It's about 4 pm and Frank is still in the recovery area. He has to lay flat on his back for 2 hours so the cement will harden. I'm sitting here beside him giving him peanut butter, crackers and Dr. Pepper. Then he drifts off, which is good cause laying still cannot be that easy. The time will pass more quickly if he's sleeping. It was done on IV sedation and he said it was nowhere near the discomfort of a bone marrow biopsy. He said it didn't hurt. I am so glad of that.

He is craving The American Burger Co. He said he will eat all he can before round 2 tomorrow.

We are so encouraged. The nurses here said a lot of people that get these feel immediate relief from back pain. They ended up starting at T4, saying he had a fracture there. All that area is higher in the back inbetween the shoulder blades, which is where most of his pain is. Oh, I hope and pray this the relief he needs to be pain free. That would be wonderful news!

Ooo.. they are here to get him up. More later

I think I can see the bridge!

2008-11-05T23:11:00.007-06:00

It's late Wednesday... it's been another long day, but hopefully the last one for a while!

Frank and I got the hospital early this morning for labs.
WBC is 5.67 coming back down after the growth shots.
Hct 32.8
Hgb 10.5
Platelets 32, up from 29 on Monday.

He's not going down in anything, which means his body is generating it's own cells. Nice transplant!

Your platelets have to be 50 to pull the CVL line, so they gave him some. Then, a 'not so short' wait in radiology and he was FREE from all appendages hanging off of him. He was so so excited about that. He said he felt human again.

We grabbed a quick bite of lunch to prepare us for the long wait to see the doctor. You know how that goes! We signed in at 2 and saw him at 5. Left at 6:30. Not too bad! We celebrated out last night here with dinner at The Purple Cow! The kids love it .... great milk shakes. We laughed so much we caused a scene.....we're so excited it's time to go home.

Dr. Barlogie said to come back in about a month and we'll see how this is holding. Our hope and his ~ and yours too ~ is that we would return with no lesions.

"And my soul shall be joyful in the Lord, it shall rejoice in his salvation. All my bones shall say, "Lord, who is like You?" Ps 35:9-10a

In the morning, Frank will have the vertebroplasty. They put liquid bone cement in between the vertebrae to keep the space open. They are working on T5, I think! We'll get there early for another bag of platelets (to keep them above 50), and head to radiology again. We should be out of there by 1pm.

The kids and I will pack up the apt while he rests and then..... we should be able to leave!!

Frank and I had that moment today.... that long stare in each others eyes.... that says SO much without saying a word..... and then.... we just High-fived!!! The realization that we're going home without any major complications, admissions, infections, etc. What a miracle. We've mentioned it many times, but we were so much more content this trip. The kids being here made a big difference. We are so proud of their attitudes and the adjustments they've made for our family.

Psalm 33: 20-22 Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.
For our heart shall rejoice in Him, because we have trusted in His holy name.
Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us, just as we hope in You.

And for you... our faithful prayer partners!! We pray God would bring you peace and joy and blessings overflowing!

"I want us to help each other with the faith we have. Your faith will help me, and my faith will help you." Romans 1:12

2008-11-04T08:52:00.005-06:00

Monday was another routine day at the hospital for me. I reported for labs, waited a while for the results, then discussed everything.

I did get good news which will help me to finally get out of here. I have started making platelets!!! My Plts were 25 Sunday & 29 on Monday, so my APN told me that it shouldn't be much longer. We anticipate by Friday.

I also got a confirmation on the vertebralplasty. I go in at 7:00am Friday to have my T5 "solidified". I'm looking forward to that.

I was such a good patient that I also got the day off on Tuesday. I think the UAMS staff figured that on election day there would be enough blood letting so why drag me into the mix. So please everyone, go vote.

But enough about me and all that stuff, our big surprise on Monday was the fact that Chandler's buddy Gretchen drove over for a surprise visit. That was really cool for Chandler especially because everything had been kept a total secret. They had fun doing girly things; you'll have to ask them what that means.

We're all hanging out in Little Rock dreaming of being at home soon,

Frank

Excerpted from Jesus Calling: 'When you don't know what to do, wait while I open the way before you. Trust that I know what I am doing, and be ready to follow my lead. I will give strength to you, and I will bless you with peace.'

"Psalm 29:11 The Lord will give strength to His people; The Lord will bless His people with peace."

2008-11-02T18:56:00.004-06:00

Hello Everyone!

I hope that you all had a pleasant Sunday because we sure did.

We were so appreciative that the change to daylight savings time gave us an extra hour of sleep. And it was sunny and bright today which made it just beautiful.

Not really much to report from our end. Peggy, Chase, and I went to church today. It was really nice to worship but we are anxious to be home.

I reported to UAMS this afternoon for labs and fortunately didn't need to be "augmented". Of course, once again I thank you for all your prayers for my healing. If my body can start making enough platlets on its own we can get out of here.

Chandler and Zach spent one more night in Memphis and strolled into Little Rock around 4:30.

Tomorrow, we will be trying to track down the Dr. that is going to make the call on my vertebroplasty. We still don't know for certain IF I am having this done. And if it is going to happen, when. Please pray that we get clarity on this issue.

Frank

Romans 15:13a "I pray God, who gives hope, will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in Him."

2008-11-01T23:57:00.002-05:00

Trick or treating for us was definitely a Treat. We passed out candy in our own house.... that's right.... in Germantown! :)

I've always heard that it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, but we were good and got permission. Frank had to have platelets and Potassium on Friday, but we got an afternoon appointment for Saturday. Even if for a few hours, going home was very refreshing.

We made it home by 5. The kids got dressed and went to ECS vs Briarcrest game, and then to a Halloween party. I'm so glad they were able to recharge their batteries with their friends.

Frank and I stayed home. We had pizza, saw neighbors, family and passed out candy to our precious neighborhood kids. Seeing the kids was so moving. Several of the kids ~ 5th grade and younger ~ in our cove came up to door and asked for Frank, asked if they could hug him and told them they were praying for him every night. That just melts our hearts!

It was hard to do... but by noon, we were packing the car back up. We made it back to the hospital for labs by 3pm. His platelets were 14, so he got a bag. But afterwards, he felt good enough to go out. So we met my friend Heather and her daughter, ate some dinner and saw a movie. His white count sure wasn't an issue... it's a lot lower today at 19.8!

He's been 2 days without the growth factor shots, and I can tell a difference in how he's walking. The pain patch seems to be giving him a more consistant relief. Thank you Lord! He's still hurting, but he says he's not as sore. His shoulders and hips are what hurts the most.

We are praying his blood counts will stabilize and his platelets will come up without assistance. They want his platelet count to be at least 50 to do the vertebroplasty and pull the CVL line, which we need to do before we go home.

Much love....

2 Chronicles 20:15 "Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's."

2008-10-30T14:30:00.004-05:00

Wow I’m awake.

Peggy is helping Chase with school, so I am decided to make a contribution to the website. Actually, Peggy has the info; and knows the facts much better than I do. I get confused…. plus she’s a better speller.

Then of course there’s the issue with me sleeping all the time. Especially since stem cell collection began, I sleep almost all day. I wake up to be shuttled off to get hooked up to the “stem cell sucker” machine, then off for more tests, then a shot, maybe a bathroom break, or Dr’s visit, and then I go back to the apartment totally drained. So, I sleep some more.

We got word today that I will probably be finished with stem cell collection Friday or Saturday. My collection count for today was right at 700,000, which is on the low side. All in all, we think the collection process was a success because I wound up with nearly 6 million cells, which is enough for another transplant.

Another cool thing that happened from yesterday is that I started using a pain relieving patch ~ Fentanyl, instead of pain pills. I can take the pills in addition to the patch but I haven't had to. The patch has made me a lot more mobile, since I don’t have peaks and valleys. Now I don’t have to wonder if it is going to hurt to stand up because my meds have worn off.

Believe it or not, just typing all this up is making me tired, so I’ll let Peggy finish this note. Before I go, I do want to thank you all for being so diligent in your prayers, it gives me strength and I thank you.

Yes, glad Frank is awake and in the living room with us! He even helped Chase with some history. I like it when he updates, I just can't get him to very often.

Yesterday’s appointment with Dr. Barlogie left us drained and confused. At the end of it all, we decided to press on with collection, while he met with his team at Tuesday Conference (a round table discussion about your specific case) and we would meet with him again next Wed.

Frank spiked a 101.7 fever last night and still had fever during his collection today, so we went back to our unit and saw the APN and doctor there. They opted not to give him antibiotics while he is collecting because it interferes with the process. They ran blood cultures, etc and are watching him. He’s had infusers, whole blood and/or platelets every day. Collection depletes these things so it's normal to need replacements.

When I dropped him off yesterday, a lady that helps patients from their car to the doors knows who we are. She got a kick out of his outfit the other day too. She told Frank that radiology didn’t realize he was joking when he "dropped in" and thought he was a patient on the loose. They called Campus Police and they were looking for him for 2 hours! Oh… Frank enjoyed hearing that!

We'll be in touch! Have a GREAT time trick or treating! We'll miss being out in our cove with our neighors and miss our neighorhood party.

2008-10-28T22:34:00.005-05:00

Well, we had an interesting day!

Frank and I got to the hospital at 7 am. We think he had another good day of collecting. Our guy today told us he expects about 1.3 million, but they'll know tomorrow after they've been counted. Anything over 500,000 means we get to keep going. After Frank collected, he got a bag of whole blood and Potassium/Magnesium "to go". He was tired at the end of today.

Frank dressed up for Halloween. He got the usual glances, laughs, and of course, the ones who walk on the other side of the hallway afraid of him. He had fun with it and it lightened his load, which makes me happy. He wore the hospital patient outfit with the gown open in the back, the 'booty' showing, and topped it off with his bad teeth inserts. If you've ever seen the movie Radio... that's what he looked like.... a white Radio in the hospital.

We made it out of hospital just in time to have an adventure. My friend Heather and her husband took a hot air balloon ride last week. Through the course of the ride, our name came up and she shared our story with the Balloon guy. He said he wanted to take us up! Up, Up and Away.... in a beautiful balloon! He's a pilot with FedEx, (and a Miss State fan) but lives here and has been doing balloons for 20 years. We were thrilled at the idea of it.... (Chase was very nervous, which we teased him about. But he was brave and got over it) It was a clear and gorgeous day and just amazing!! Frank didn't think it was best for him to go up, so he stayed with the 'chaser' and met up with us at the end. He took pictures.

There we are...... yes, there are 5 of us in that tiny basket!

Tomorrow, we have to be in Apheresis at 7. They are going to collect and get us out of there quick so we can make our appointment to see Dr. Barlogie. We're anxious to discuss the PET, MRI and plans for vertebraeplasty. Frank is most anxious to get his ticket to Germantown.

We are specifically asking for prayer about our time with Dr. Barlogie ~ that God would give him all he needs to fight this disease and still meet each patients needs with wisdom and compassion.

Until tomorrow..... :)

later that day....

2008-10-27T20:40:00.003-05:00

We believe we've seen God work in a mighty way today.

We are trying to collect stem cells from him which is very hard to do after the marrow has been damaged from chemo. (The first time he collected we got over 40 million cells in one day.)

The procount is something they check each day. It is suppose to tell them about how many cells they can anticipate collecting in a day based on this lab value. Sat the procount was 1 million. He collected 1.1 million. As a general rule, you collect less each day.

Today his procount was 200,000. Our nurse said, it we can't get 500,000 cells in a day, we call it quits. I am not expecting you to collect that many today based on your procount, so i'll call you when i know for sure but this is probably it.

She called. Frank got 2 million today! Twice what he got Saturday! 4 times more than he needed to be able to try again tomorrow.

We are speechless at the goodness of God for his mercy and grace.....

Psalm 106
Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

2008-10-27T07:40:00.015-05:00

It's Monday - our 5th Monday here, and hopefully our last for a while. We are hoping we can go home after the appointment on Thursday and be home for the weekend. That would be nice!

Yesterday was such a relaxing day. Frank got up early and went to get his shot, and was able to get back in time for us to go to church. The Ray's picked us up and we went with them. Our spirits were recharged and it was wonderful to worship together. Afterwards, we had a great lunch and then went fishing! The boys were able to catch serveral big catfish, and one tiny winnie one before we had to rush back.

It was great to have the kids back. They all had a very productive weekend at home. Chandler continued her training with a 10 mile run on Sat with Kristy. Zach's LOBOS team won the tournament they played this weekend. We're sorry we missed it, but are so proud of all of them. And Chase went camping and dirt bike riding with the Gormans in Brownsville and had a lot of fun. Thank you mom for always being there for us and helping the weekend go smoothly!

We got to the Apheresis unit today at 7. I'm glad he's sleeping, waiting on them to get started. His pain meds didn't agree with him this morning. Still and quiet is good right now. Our nurse told us that Saturday's count came in at 1.1 million. It think that is just wonderful. She said that was a reasonable goal, but might be hard to do...... and of course.... are we shocked at all? :)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud0kaWLHEd4

2008-10-25T12:09:00.004-05:00

Things went well yesterday. His CVL line got put in without any difficulty. In fact, he had a good time talking to the man working with him. He was from Lake Village, AR and knew our friends from there very well! It's a small world. While he was doing that, I had run into one of the couples we'd seen so much over the past year. They were heading home to NC and it was so good to see them and how they were. I had asked about them so much this visit and it relieved my worries.

When we got back to the unit for his fluids and shots, scheduling called to set up the vertebraeplasty. She said the doctor saw the MRI and said he needed one, but when we got a copy of MRI, we had questions. There is small fracture in the cervical spine, and some compresson at T5. We want some clarification from the doctor, but it'll be Monday before we can talk to someone.

His PET scan was at 7pm. With the new line on one side and his port-a-cath accessed on the other, he said he felt like the back of a PC with wires everywhere. He was good and hungry after the test. I like watching him think about what he wants to eat. He really does ponder over what sounds good. He decided on KFC chicken, esp craving the slaw. So, we flipped channels and licked our fingers until time for bed. He slept on the couch so he wouldn't bother the line or his shoulder.

We got to the Aphereis unit at 7. They checked his counts. I have no idea what they're looking at, but whatever it is - a Procount - it's a predictor of how many cells they think they'll get from him that day. His count was 800,000 today, so the nurse said getting a million today would be a reasonable goal. Once you've had a transplant, the marrow is not the same, so it won't be like the first time we collected. We both slept through most it. Frank was kind enough to make room for me. The nap was nice for us both and the time passed quickly.

Being able to collect again brings hope to me. It keeps options open for him and I am so thankful for the opportunity to get more precious cells for him to use. Let's pray for the shots to keep working and the collection process to go quickly!

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

We got out of there at 11:50 and shuffled to the MRI room for his noon appointment. They're going to do the other parts of the body scan since they only did spine and pelvis yesterday.

After this we are headed to the hospital unit to finish out the day. His white count is high because of the shots for collection, but his other levels are low today.

WBC 13.55
Hct 25.3
Hgb 8.4

He's getting some whole blood today, some platelets and Potassium and Magnesium infusers to go home with.

It's a long and busy day, and he's still taking pain meds around the clock. I know he's tired, and sore, and ready to go home. I look for ways to comfort him and try and keep his spirits high, but no doubt, it's the other way around. I just saw him pull out his Hope card and give it to someone.......

2 Cor 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

2008-10-24T08:31:00.006-05:00

Hello! We can't believe it's Friday already. I loved Frank's post so much, but theres a lot going on over here so here is the latest!

Frank's labs have been looking better over the past 3 days. He got a bag of platelets but they've held their own at 35 the past few days. The CRP has continued to come down every day, even though he still has low grade fever at night. And... the white count has just jumped up! It went from 0.2 to 0.9 to 4.0! And this morning it's 8.15! Yippee!

We had a doctor's appointment to see Dr. Barlogie yesterday. Dr. B set things up to begin the collection process today. We are scheduled for the Apheresis room, where they will do special blood counts to see when it's time to start the process. He'll have a special CVL line put in sometime today.

Frank was honest with him about the level of pain he has been in. He seemed very concerned and ordered a MRI. He said he wants to find out what's going on "because Frank is NO wimp ~ not at all ~ " And we all agree with that don't we? The biggest concern would, of course, be if the pain is because of any myeloma not being taken care of. We don't think that's it. The more reasonable culprit is a possible compression of the vertebrae where some of the lesions are. Our prayer last night was that the test would give us some answers. We left his office at 5ish and had to be back for the MRI at 7.

Frank's taste buds have been off because of chemo, and we haven't gone out because of his white count being so low. But with both of those better, eating out was going to be a treat. So, we met the kids at The Arkansas Burger Co. Our friend Kristy recommended the place and we've been saving the opportunity for a time such as this. Hummmm... it was worth waiting for! And we made it back just in time for his appointment.

The kids had a blast over at the Ray's house. What a blessing they have been. We have mutual friends in Memphis, and they've been so sweet to take us under their wing, open up their home to us and make us feel so loved. The boys went to church Wed night with them and last night they hung out and played Rock Band. I'm so glad they can get out of the apt and have some fun.

So, here we are at the hosp. We got here 7 am sharp! Just going back to the same place we collected his stem cells almost 6 years ago brought back a flood of memories and reminded me of how far we've come in this fight.

His port-a-cath isn't working this morning. They need it to give him magnesium and platelets so he can get the CVL line put in. After the line gets put in, we'll just wait for the call that he's ready ~ or "ripe" as Frank calls it ~ to collect. It could be this afternoon, or Sat.

He's also having a PET scan tonight to go along with the MRI in their search for the cause of pain.

Please pray specifically for: his port-a-cath to work, ( they got it working! 11 am ) for the x-rays to be decisive, ( MRI showed compression, so a vertebraeplasty is scheduled for Thursday morning ) and for the kids as they travel home for the weekend.

xxooxxoo, peg

2008-10-21T23:50:00.000-05:00

I took a bath tonight………not a shower, a bath.

But it was not the regular fill up the tub and jump in bath; it was a “bath” that sick people finally take because it has been so long since the last one that you know you smell funny
and you probably need one anyway. I figured everyone would benefit.

Now bathing for most doesn’t require a lot of effort, but for me it’s a different story. First,
it hurts to stand up, sit down, bend over, walk, really everything I do hurts. My muscles & bones just haven’t been getting along lately. I feel like I’ve been in a car wreck.

Secondly, I always seem to have some “thing” attached to my chest. Tonight, it’s a Phosphorus infuser, which is delivering extra nutrients so that my body can repair the damage that the cancer and the chemo have caused. I have to wear it for 5 hours tonight.

So after Peggy and the kids left to go run errands and get a bite to eat, I made my move.

As my water ran into the tub, I did my best to position my infuser on the edge where it wouldn’t fall in and I eased down into the water. As I waited on my water to rise, I decided I would pray. Again, this bath really was very different.

I started praying for all of you! I thanked God for all the people that have and are lifting us up each day. I thanked God for the way everyone has bathed us in prayer for strength, both physical and spiritual, for your prayers for my healing, for answering the very specific prayers of our immediate needs and for how He has honored the requests of His people.

I thanked Him for bringing people into our lives at specific junctures who have then delivered His divine message.

No one knew this but I have been agonizing over thoughts of being physically disabled and today God showed me that my body is healing. I thanked God for once again showing me how He honors His word.

(James 5:15-17 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. 17Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years.)

I started seeing all of the faces of all of you in my mind. It was a mental video of all the people that have shaken my hand, done us a favor, delivered food, etc, etc, and then told me that you are praying for us. I thanked God for you, for being the hands and feet of Christ to us.

To be frank at this point I was overwhelmed. I sat in my tub of water and cried. Not just tears, I wept out loud and again thanked God for His mercy and grace and love. “Our God is an awesome God he reigns from heaven above, our God is awesome God….”

I prayed for all of you, for your hurts, your needs, and for your faithfulness. I praised God for you!

Yes, I took a bath tonight, but I think everyone got a little wet.

Frank

2008-10-20T20:40:00.018-05:00

What an emotional roller coaster the past few days have been.

Frank and I both avoided updating the website yesterday - neither one of us felt like doing it. I lost the coin toss! When we have a bad day, it seems like we don't want to share it, but that isn't honest. It's unrealistic to think that we'd be "up" all the time. And one thing we've learned over 6 years is that God is there in the good and bad days ~ and even more so when we're feeling down.
Sunday Frank's CRP went up again to 167, from 144. Normal values are between 1 and 10. He was running fever in the 100's. We were still doing IV antibiotics at the apt.
All his other counts are still going down, which is to be expected. But his platelets were 16, so he got a transfusion. All of this is pretty familiar to us. We know the drill very well. What's different this time is the soreness/pain that Frank has. It hurts me to know that I cannot fix it, or make it better. Even a quick stop or bump in the road makes him groan. I have found a new route to the hospital that has smooth roads so the ride is more comfortable for him. Doting over him doesn't change it ~ sometimes it makes it worse! I am learning to hold my tongue and not ask over and over, "What can I do? Are you alright?" He knows I just want to help, but its still irritating when you feel bad and really just want to be left alone.

Chandler met my mom in Forest City to get Chase and bring him back to Little Rock. I was so thankful she did that for us. She's been so helpful. Chase had a great time and it was good to have all 5 of us together again.

Yesterday afternoon, we learned that our patient friend, Dr. Francisco from Miami passed away Saturday. We've asked you to pray for him before in one of our blogs. He was 41, fighting Myeloma since age 38. He and Frank have had the same treatments, including the 6 transplants. Francisco had an intense treatment schedule, having done in 3 years what Frank has done in 6. His precious wife and I talked and cried together. We were able to see her today and say goodbye before she leaves for home in the morning. She is being strong and it is evident, in every way, that she is leaning on the Lord for her strength. Their kids are 5 and 7. Please pray for them tomorrow as she reunites with her children and tells them about their daddy. We found out soon after that another patient, and our apt neighbor during the last transplant, also passed away the Sat. He and Frank were both getting PAC MED at the same time. It's like a family here with other patients we make friends with. The common bonds we all share run deep, and our hearts are broken for them as we share their grief.

Cooking was the last thing on my mind Sunday afternoon. Liane, Chandler's piano teacher, has a friend here that used to live in Memphis. Marian has been so sweet to take us under her wing. She cooked a meal for us and brought it over... perfect timing! The kids were starved, and it was good for us to sit together and eat. Frank even ate and said it hit the spot. Satisfying his taste buds right now is a tall order. We saved him leftovers and he ate it again tonight. What a treat that was for us.

Today, Zach got up and drove Frank to the hospital for his shot and labs. It's a quick visit, knowing he goes back in the afternoon for any meds and fluids he may need. I stayed here with Chase for class. When we got back to the hospital this afternoon, we were happy to get some good news.

His Lambda light chain and IgA marker, his type of Myeloma, are within normal limits for the first time since July. That is great! Also, his CRP went all the way from 167 to 108. Wonderful! We were so excited about that!

Other labs: WBC 0.02, Hgb 9.6, Hct 28.4, Platelets 11. So, he got a transfusion for platelets, and came home with an infuser for Potassium and Magnesium. And of course, the antibiotics.

As we sat there waiting, Frank got a phone call. It was Sandra with insurance. Are you ready for this? Humana approved the stem cell collection so Frank can collect more stem cells! We are absolutely amazed! Sandra said they had a long talk with Humana about Frank's age, and quality of life, etc and they approved it. Tears of joy!

Romans 8:26-28
Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:37-39
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Frank and I both send our love and gratitude for the time you give to reading the blog and praying for all the details of this journey. To God be the glory, and may He bless each one of you!

2008-10-18T18:42:00.003-05:00

Happy Saturday,

It's about 9:00 and Frank, Chandler, Zach and I are watching a movie ~ Stranger than Fiction, with Will Farrell. It's been a beautiful day here, and cool. We're all comfy and settled in for the night. Chase is at Victory Ranch on a junior high youth trip.

Since we posted last, Frank has been running a fever. If it hits 101, we start fever protocol ~ IV antibiotics. His CRP (inflammation marker) level has been going up each day. Today, it took a jump from 35 to 144. So, he's on IV infusers of antibiotics that we do at the apt. They did a nasal wash at the hospital to check for anything viral, and ran blood cultures. They already tested him for the flu... which he doesn't have. They are covering all the bases. He is still achy and has some pain, but the pain meds give him relief. His spirits are good and he's been watching football most of the day. MSU isn't doing so good..... but... we don't let it get us down!

Zach stayed with Frank yesterday while Chandler and I drove Chase home to go on his trip. He loved driving him around! We had a whirlwind 7 hours at home, not even sitting down unless in the car. We went home, packed up Chase, dropped him off at church, went to get a new car battery for the Honda, came back home to get in her scheduled long run (8 miles, yea Chandler), showered, ran 2 errands and headed back to Little Rock! We got back at 2:00 am. Yikes! Just time to get a nap before being at the hospital at 8.

I felt so bad to learn Frank had run fever. APN. It started after I left and he didn't want to worry me, so he didn't call, knowing we were coming back in the same night. Zach took good care of him and they enjoyed their boy time. But I was really glad to be back.

Today's labs were what we expect to see right now.
WBC 0.01
Hgb 11.3
Hct 33.0
Platelets 25, no transfusion today, but maybe tomorrow. 20 or below gets a transfusion.

Please pray with us that his fever will go away, and he will stay free from infection, or any complication and that his pain would get better.

We miss home the most on Sunday's. But we'll look forward to seeing Chase tomorrow and hearing all about his trip.

We love keeping in touch with our other patients/friends. Susan, from Houston, and I emailed back and forth today, and she left me with a verse we needed today.

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

2008-10-16T18:39:00.006-05:00

Oh my gosh, I think I might be pregnant!

No, no this is not a post by Peggy, this is Frank. Let me explain.

I have spent the past 8 days being subjected to "the science experiment" that is my life and all I can eat is crackers, oatmeal, bananas, and Boost! (thank you Kimberly & Jay)

Of course during the time I am awake, I usually wind up on the FoodTV channel, with dreams of fine dining. Or heck a big fat cheeseburger and greasy fries.

So, while I wait patently for my body to reacquaint itself, with itself...I will have to live vicariously through my memories of GUS's fried chicken, hot tamales, bacon wrapped asparagus, grilled salmon, shashmi & sushi, hot breads, and fine cheeses. I haven't had a craving for Spaghettio's and ice cream so maybe I'm not prego after all....

Today was day 4 after transplant, still not hitting the bottom on my counts yet but with a WBC .04, PLts 20, Hemo 13.1, and Hematocrit 37.8. It won't be long before I've bottomed out and I'll climb out of this "hole" again.

Peggy and the kids are holding down the fort here in Little Rock, but please keep praying for our speedy recovery. We miss being home!

May God Bless You in All that you do,

Frank

2008-10-15T16:56:00.003-05:00

Hey guys...

Light day at the hospital today. Frank got a bag of fluid and labs.

WBC 0.12
Hgb 13.4
Hct 39.1
Platelets 34

2008-10-14T10:39:00.004-05:00

Good morning,

We just got here and someone was looking for us..... the lab tech that delivers the cells came in to tell us we were right. I only have one bag left. She double checked. The 2 bags, 11+ million was probably the total before I used one yesterday.

Hearing that news was like being all excited you found sour cream for your baked potato (it was behind the pickles), but opening the lid only to find out it needs to be thrown out! "Oops. Never mind"

You can't always help thoughts that go through your head, esp my head. But we got a chuckle out of it anyway.

Just waiting on labs and getting fluids at the clinic...

2008-10-13T20:24:00.007-05:00

We woke up to a rainy morning. Not every day can be sunny. And I suppose human emotions are similar. We all have days when we feel burdened and worried. Frank was having one of those days. Of course, everyone reading this knows Frank doesn't feel that way very often. He stopped taking his pain medicine a few days ago. He said he wanted a "true" reading of how his body was feeling without the help of medicine. Unfortunately he's had some pain, and had some discomfort getting through some simple tasks. He's also been so worried about the insurance approval.

Psalm 120:1 In my distress I cried to the Lord, and He heard me.

Deena, our APN, came in to talk to us. The morning couldn't have been any sweeter. We were in the last room at the end of the hall. We didn't share a room with anyone today, and it was quiet. Frank shared his thoughts with Deena, and she was the one sent to minister to Frank today. She reminded him all his thoughts were just part of being human. It's important to feel and think on many different levels from time to time. But we deal with our thoughts and keep our faith and the goal is not to stay down for long. She was so encouraging as she told him how special he was to her and the entire staff. He is a role model to so many because of his attitude and disposition. My synopsis doesn't do her sweet words justice. She spoke the perfect words for Frank to hear. Deena is from India and it's taken years to fully understand her accent at the rapid speed at which she talks sometimes. But she is a believer and we love sharing stories of faith and love for the Lord. She said the first candle she lit at church Sunday was for Frank, and she called to have her father light one in India for him. The staff says Frank is her baby, and she confessed. The affection is mutual!

While we were waiting on the cells to arrive, we got a call from the insurance lady with UAMS. I could tell from the large sigh released by Frank that it was good news. Humana has approved the transplant! Frank and I just prayed right then to thank God for his continued goodness.
Well, they did arrive, and here is Frank about to get his 6th bag of stem cells. Amazing isn't it? I remember when he collected all those cells ~ on April 10th, 2003. Chandler's 11th birthday. We prayed God would be merciful and allow him get all the cells he would need. And He did! We found out today he has 2 bags left instead of one. (11+ million) We were told at the last transplant that he only had one bag left. I don't know how you miscount something like that. I imagined myself searching through my refrigerator and finding the pickles I wasn't sure we had! "Oh, here there are! Yeah" ~ "Oh look... another bag for Mr. Carlton. Cool!" I don't know who is right... but let's go with 2 bags left! If they counted them, they must be there.

As we got up to leave the hospital today, Frank said the link between mind and body is indeed a mystery. He said with the good - no, great - news today, he was feeling better! I am so so glad for my sweetie. I am proud to be his wife.

Thank you for praying for Frank and for all the details that surround his care. May you be blessed!

Ephesians 3: 14-21
For this reason, I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height - to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

2008-10-11T22:39:00.004-05:00

May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us. Psalm 67:1

Happy Sunday. We got done early today at the clinic. We were home by 10:45! Our wires got crossed about the chemo schedule. Frank actually got the Melphalan yesterday. It only takes about 20 minutes to infuse the chemo. Most of yesterday's time was spent chewing ice. "huh" you might be thinking.....I'll explain. The theory, although not scientific, seems to work. The Melphalan is strong and effects the mucous membranes in the GI tract from start to finish - or attic to basement - :) To help prevent mucositis, patients chew ice before, during and after Melphalan is administered to help constrict the vessels of the GI tract so the Melphalan avoids contact with the membranes. The drug is metabolized quickly and out of the system within hours.

Today he got discontinued from the back pack of pumps and fluids. He's free!! He's so happy he doesn't have to carry that around anymore.

His counts are starting to drop today. He's neutrapenic already. (That means his white count is below 2.00) So he has his mask now and will have to be careful about germs, etc.

WBC 1.61, RBC 3.71, Hbg 11.1, Hct 34.6 Platelets 71.

Frank gets stem cells on Monday. His 6th of 7 bags! Then ~ we all know what happens next! We wait on levels to come back up! There is such comfort in knowing what to expect each day. It seems routine at times, but we never take for granted the seriousness of it - nor the miracle of it! Keeping free from infections and knowing the cells are grafting in the marrow is so important. Thank you for your faithful prayers for those specific things.

It's quiet here without the kids but the time alone has been nice too. It always gives us the opportunity to talk and pray together. Being away from our home isn't easy, but there are nuggets of gold tucked all around. That is one of them.

I miss our furry friends. Moses, our cat is very fond of my mother, but Casey,the golden retriever, follows my dad everywhere. I think he hides bacon in his pocket!

Until later....

2008-10-10T19:00:00.003-05:00

I just thought Thursday was a long day. Friday took the cake!

I arrived at UAMS today at 5:15am as requested and got down to business right away. I loaded up first thing with my radioactive isotope injection and got inside the PET scan machine an hour later. Once done with that, I marched upstairs for some more chemo drips and more fluids. They like to keep you hydrated that's for sure.

Side bar: with all the steroids and hydration that I'm on I now weigh in at 167. I'm usually 155 or so. If you've ever seen one of those ugly goldfish with the big buggie eyes that's what I feel like. I just hope when the steroids are stopped, I'll drop some of this water weight.

Once I got finished with chemo, we then went over to WAIT on Dr Barlogie. Our appointment was at noon today. Promptly at 3:00pm, we saw Dr B and got the semi-good news. Of the 34 lesions that I arrived with, I now have 19. That is good news, however our desire was of course to have zero lesions show up on the scan. Well, maybe less than ten lesions would of been nice. There was also mention of 2 lesions in my humerus bones - one in each. But, in the end - it IS working and we do have one more day of regular treatments and then a big whopper dose on Sunday. Pray for the Whopper to put this stuff down.....

The kids are home enjoying fall break with their friends. Please keep Jimmy in your prayers. He's very uncomfortable and has a long recovery ahead.

"My soul, waits silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my Salvation. He is my defense. I shall not be moved. In God is my Salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge is in God." Psalm 62: 5-7

Going to eat Chinese food....

2008-10-09T22:33:00.002-05:00

Hello All......

Today (Thursday) was a long day. I arrived at UAMS at 5:45am in order to get started with a PET Scan that was to be used to determine the progress that I've made so far.

Well, this plan was quickly dropped when it was discovered that the chemo bag I was wearing was full of D5W (sugar water). So much for not eating to prepare for the scan.

So, on Friday I will arrive at UAMS at 5:15am to try again.

Friday will be an all day affair. PET scan, chemo drip switch out, and then a visit with Dr Barlogie in the afternoon. This will be the meeting where we get "the news" as to the progress we've made since we got started this past Tuesday.

Here's a little hint on the progress, the egg sized knot on the back of my head is gone! That is progress my friends. Thank you for your prayers and for keeping tabs on us.

More as soon as we know....

2008-10-07T23:45:00.006-05:00

Good evening... it's almost midnight now. Just wanted to update before we get started tomorrow so you will know how to pray.

For day one, it was tougher than we expected. Usually we see the accumulative effect over the week ~ getting more and more tired as the days go on. But today, it was almost immediate. Frank felt it right out of the gate. He's never had this BCNU drug. He got flushed and his blood pressure dropped, headache and tingling in his face. They slowed down the rate and that helped, but after that he slept the whole day.

Getting up to go home was interesting. He could hardly walk! So much for the stairs this time. I called for help and the cute little golf cart took us through the hospital. He was more tired than I expected . But I am so thankful for the out patient system they have set up here. Getting up and walking around is so much better. He came home and slept till 7.

He's been so much better tonight. He watched some of the debate, and checked his email. I fixed him some dinner and he ate well. He's asleep again. :)

His fanny pack of chemo is so heavy this time. We put it in Zach's back pack with the padded shoulder straps. That's more convenient for him.

Having the kids here is so sweet. They each have their time snuggling with him, and me. For all the down sides of having them out of school, (they miss it terribly) none of us would trade this time together for anything. It is so special. Chandler leaves every night and drives to a restaurant nearby to sit in the parking lot and enjoy cell coverage! Crazy!

Frank is strong and he's a fighter. We feel good about this and we're glad things are rolling ~ finally. We are praying for great results! They will do a PET scan Thursday morning at 6am to find out.

Good night......and now good morning....

it is interesting to me how one's perspective can influence the way the story is written. After waking up this morning and reading Peggy's account of how yesterday played out, I thought I would add a couple comments too.

First, she was correct with how quickly the chemo "got a hold" of me, but the bonus for me has been that I am in much less pain now. For the past 3-4 weeks I have been hobbling around like I have arthitis in my hips and back . Now that I am loaded up on steroids and chemo I just about can't feel anything. I like that part.

And while I am experiancing max. fatigue, I have not yet felt the "fuzzy headed" fog that envelopes my mental processes once I take all this hard stuff. I figure it will be in the Sat-Sun time frame before I go fully under the spell of the chemo drugs.

And guess what, the goose egg lesion that is on my head is almost flat now.....

WAITER - "How do you like your goose egg cooked Mr Carlton?"; MR CARLTON, "I like them heavily fried in a mixture of chemo-coctails, on both sides of course, and then thrown away thank you very much....then I'll have some orange juice."

We are enjoying being together as a family, I am so thankful for the sacrifices that the kids have made, and Peggy too, in order for us to be together at this time.

We are going to get through this, and return with more vigor than we had before we left!

Frank

Chemo, day 1

2008-10-07T12:02:00.005-05:00

Happy Tuesday!

On Friday we had not heard from insurance. Come to find out the entire transplant office was out for seminars. Glad no one needed anything important..... please excuse the sarcasm. It's been frustrating, but we are trying to stay positive.

We decided to go home for the weekend. It was so so good to be home. We visited with family and friends and saw my nephew Jimmy all laid up in his cast. He's having surgery today at 2, so please pray for him! But the highlight of the weekend was going to church on Sunday. Just being there, singing and having communion was just the medicine we both needed.

Chandler and Zach had a wonderful time on their Victory Ranch trip. It is so wonderful out there and the weather was great. But as Sunday came to a close, we all headed back to Little Rock.

Monday morning, as the kids and I had school, Frank headed to the hospital to see what he could get done. The transplant team of Humana is out of the office until Wednesday, so Frank signed papers to go ahead and get started. The fighting gloves are on the the bell has rung!

So, here we are! He is already asleep. The "B" of the BEAM + blah + blah blah.... is infusing over 2 hours, then the "A" and "E" after that. Another handful of pills by mouth and Day One will be over. He is very happy that a central line didn't need to be put in this time. They are using his port-a-cath. That makes things more comfortable for him.

Our favorite and wonderful APN Deena has charge over us and we are so blessed. She said this treatment will be tough. Frank said "Bring it on!" She called it the kitchen sink of chemo. Well, Frank and I like to cook.... maybe the kitchen sink is just what we need to do the trick!

We'll be updating daily, or close to it. Thank you for signing in and saying hi. It means so much!

Craig used this verse Sunday, and I've decided to memorize it: Romans 12:12 Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times. (TEV)

We love you all ~ thanks for caring so much for us! peg

2008-10-02T21:25:00.006-05:00

Hi guys. Just wanted to check in.

We didn't hear anything from the insurance company yet. But today was interesting. I would much rather Frank be telling this story, but he's sound asleep!

Frank was in a meeting at the Myeloma clinic with some of his guys from work. He was glad to be able to work a little since he didn't get started on chemo today. When he got home, we asked him how things went. Guess who was in the meeting? The insurance manager we had the meeting with yesterday. Frank said the look on her face was pretty funny. He said you could see the confusion trying to place it all together.

She was pretty straight with Frank as they talked after the meeting. She said that she has never seen an insurance company pay for 5 stem cell transplants. She's never seen them pay for more than 3. So, she was not very encouraging about the approval.

All that did was make us so thankful to see how God has provided for us over these past 5+ years. (It will be 6 in Nov) We will continue to trust in that provision for us no matter what we hear from our insurance company. We have seen God work in mysterious and marvelous ways. His thought are higher than ours, that is for sure! We are humbled amazed all the time!!

Frank is doing well in the waiting. He is uncomfortable a lot of the time. He's takes pain medicine now to help him through the day. He doesn't complain though. You just know by watching how carefully he moves around, etc. Once we attack those lesions, we are hoping the pain will subside.

The kids are doing okay. Biggest issue is that they miss their phones. We don't have any cell coverage at the apt. NO TEXTING?? Are you kidding me!?!? Actually, I am bummed, too. I do my share of text messaging. We wish we could be staying in better touch with everyone. We all have our computers, so email email email! Thank you for those who are sending sweet words of encouragement. We appreciate it so much!

During the debate tonight, (kids are watching for a grade!) we got a phone call that Jimmy was on his way to hospital with a soccer injury. We don't know what's going on yet, but I think it's his knee. He's downtown on some Morphine at the moment. Please pray it's nothing serious. We're anxious to hear something..... from the land line! Which is 501-225-6971. Call if you can!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in every thing by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil 4: 4-7

This is Dr. Barlogie and Frank on Wednesday. Not the white coat most people expect. Leather pants is his usual fall/winter attire. And just in case you're wondering..... his idea for Frank to sit on his lap! And I'm not jealous..... :) Gotta love it!

love to you all..... we're hanging in there.... In His grace, Peg

2008-10-01T17:17:00.006-05:00

I don't know where you are while reading this... but our weather is FABULOUS! It's one of those perfect days that you just want to spend every minute outside. I love it!

We saw Dr. Barlogie today. We want to share all we know with you, but just a warning ~ this will be a long entry.

When we were here last, the disease had shown up in 35 new lesions. One of our prayers is that things wouldn't progress in the 2 weeks we were gone. We were happy to fnd out that the PET showed only 34 lesions. I guess he left one in Europe! However, the ones in the spine and pelvis did grow in size. Some of the other markers have increased, but nothing alarming, and not unexpected.

Dr. Barlogie wants to give Frank a 9 drug regimine. For the ones that love detail....
The treatment is BEAM + VTD + Rapamycin + Cisplatin. What is all that, you ask?
It's BCNU, Etopiside, Ara-C, Melphalan, Velcade, Thalidimide, Decadron, Rapamycin, and Cisplatin. All these drugs work a little differently to act on a different stage of cell reproduction. Giving all these will enable the cancer cells to die at each stage of their growth. Sounds good to us!

His heart functions came back with no change from 2006. That was good news. That means his heart has handled all these treatments really well. Of course, we can all look at him and know that! We don't need fancy tests to tell us Frank is strong.

Our hope was that he get started today. But of course, we have to wait on insurance approval. The manager over insurance came to talk to us. I guess you say she was good at her job because she talked to us for a while and she was very kind and friendly. But after she left the room, we realized she wasn't giving us great news, but we didn't realize it until after she left.

She said we were really lucky to have gotten the coverage we've had so far. Many other companies don't cover 5 stem cell transplants. This will be his 6th. She said it would have to be called a transplant (even though sometimes calling it a boost is a more favorable way of getting approval) and we just have to wait and see what they said. It could take 3 days or so. If we didn't want to wait, we could sign this little piece of paper that says we will pay for all of this if without insurance approval. She was so nice and friendly.......

So.... we are waiting. And are resting in the knowledge that we are where we need to be. And God will take care of us. Just as He always has, and we trust Him to always do. Please join us in this prayer.

The kids are with us. That has given me a great deal of peace in the decision we made about school. I was having my doubts a few weeks ago. The change isn't easy, but that doesn't mean it wasn't best. But now that we are all here together, all the planning has come together. We are glad that part has worked out like it has. Chandler is training for a half marathon. Zach has been enjoying the free time, although he misses his soccer team. Chase is going with the flow. We told him he's really in night school, because I work with him after I get back from the hospital with Frank. He's got the mornings off.

Psalm 33: 20-22 Our soul waits for the Lord, He is our help and our shield.
For our heart shall rejoice in Him, because we have trusted in His holy name.
Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us, just a we hope in You.

Frank has the only cell phone with coverage. Me and the kids have no bars at all in the apt. The local number is 501-225-6971.

We'll let you know something as soon as we do...... here's Frank......

My Little Rock days have been a whorl-wind experiance for sure. I arrived in Little Rock Monday around 1:30 and walked right in to the test lab. Blood work, EKG, PET scan, ECHO, MRI, Bone Marrow biopsy, and to wrap it all up I entered an apple bobbing contest. I would of won to but Zach pushed me in the tub.

Day one and two were just stacked with appointments but all very well managed. Hats off to the staff of UAMS, a tightly run ship for sure.

There was one incident of sorts. On Tuesday, I engaged the driving services of Zach Carlton to deliver me to the bone marrow biopsy room. He was happy to drive and eager to watch the proceedure, being that he aspires to be a surgeon one day.

Well all went pretty much as planned. Dad arrived on time, got assigned a room, went in and dropped his pants, got draped and then hopped up on the table. Ryan, the tech, inserted the needles and started screwing the corkscrew device into my hips. Like I said everything was going along pretty well....they started chipping away some bone fragments, and then it was bone marrow pull time. Once they started puling the marrow, ol Frank tensed up for the pain and Ryan the tech started drawnig it out. No sooner than the first RED tube was pulled Ryan's assistant yelled out, "hey we have a problem".

Yep, Dr Zach had started sweating, turned a cold shade of gray, and was sliding right out of his chair onto the floor!

They had to stop messing with me to get some assistants in the room and put Zach on a bed in the next room. Ryan and I were laughing so hard that we had trouble finishing our pulls.

Zach came out of it after some crackers and juice, but we were worried about him for awhile.
He came away from the experiance with a new appreciation of "procedures" from a patient perspective. Seeing his dad in pain didn't sit well with him.

I love you too, son!

Switching gears....

2008-09-29T08:28:00.003-05:00

We're home! Amazing.... exciting....fabulous.... we could go on and on about the trip.

Frank will post his favorite pictures and we will share more later, but for now, we are trying to shift gears quickly and ignore the jet lag. We were welcomed at the airport around 10:30 with mom and all 6 kids. It was wonderful to just hear their voices and be able to hug everyone. We got to bed around 1am after trying to stay awake all night on the plane. (some of us did better than others).

Frank has to be in Little Rock by noon today. We already have a new apt waiting on us. MRI, PET, MUGA, ECHO, Pulmonary function, labs.... we will hit the ground running.

We are ready to fight hard and kill some Myeloma this month! Love to all... peg

2008-09-19T17:43:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZACH!! WE LOVE YOU!!

Bon voyage!

2008-09-18T17:43:00.003-05:00

Well, as I type, we are sitting the lounge of the Delta Crown room with Lisa and Jim. We have a layover in Atlanta before we board for Barcelona. Even if the trip were over now, we've had a good time! I am easy to please, huh?

We are very excited about the next 10 days. It'll be an experience of a lifetime. Frank is feeling pretty good. Everyone reading this knows Frank won't complain. I see him wince from time to time and I know he's a little uncomfortable. Please pray for relief from his pain and that the meds he is on will work to be killing the myeloma every minute of the day! He's on some high dose Thalidomide and Dex while we are gone. I am praying for minimal side effects from these as well.

We get home Sept 28th, and have to be in Little Rock by 1 pm on Monday the 29th. He has tests already lined up: PET, MRI, EKG, Echo, labs, etc. After all the preliminary testing, we'll see Dr. Barlogie on Tuesday and hopefully start chemo that afternoon or Wed morning.

We've got the apt booked and the kids are looking forward to having one extra room this time. Nobody on the floor! It will be good to be together for this next round of treatment. This is the reason we chose to home school this year, and now that "the time has come", I am more peaceful about the decision than ever before. It's has it's drawbacks, and we'd rather them be in school under any other circumstance, but this is best for now. ECS has homecoming tomorrow, and they are looking forward to the game.

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future.

We covet your prayers as the Lord leads you for the trip, the treatment and the trust!!

We love you.... peg and family

2008-09-12T21:52:00.003-05:00

Hello Family.......I guess I'll just get straight to the point; today's update is a confirmation of the fact that my cancer has returned.

This development is something that we (the Memphis Crew) really kinda knew was coming. We had been hopeful, and praying, that there could be some other reason for all the discomfort and downright pain that I have been experiencing, but it has now been confirmed.

When I left Little Rock 5 weeks ago, I had gone from 10 lesions down to 4, and those 4 had all reduced in size. Everything was looking good. Since then I have been taking some "light" chemo in Memphis and doing all the regular stuff; work, family, church, and some occasional skydiving. (Well, OK I've just been dreaming about the skydiving)

About two weeks ago I started having occasional pains in my ribs. These occasional pains slowly migrated to other areas of my body, mainly in my chest and along my spine. They also became sharp stabbing pains and at times I have had to leave work and take medication to cope. As I said, I knew something wasn't right.

After returning to UAMS for MRI's, PET scan, and other tests on Wednesday, Peggy and I returned to see Dr Barlogie today for the results. I now have 35 active lesions.

We have a game plan and will be returning to UAMS to start treatment on Sept 29th. Lisa and Jim had been planning on taking us with them on a cruise to Europe, and have been worried we wouldn't be able to go. One of the bright spots in the day was that Dr. B encouraged us to go. He wanted to be in Little Rock to oversee my next treatment and he was going to be in Russia next week. So, he was happy for us both to enjoy our trips and get busy fighting at the end of Sept. He is putting me on oral Thalidimide ~ 400mg ~ and Dex during the trip to begin the fight and try to help me with pain.

While this is certainly disappointing news, we have learned that everything can be turned into a blessing. So, that's part of the new plan, to start looking for ways to be a blessing even in the midst of tough times.

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1: 2-4

We will start posting more often, especially in a couple weeks when treatments begin. Until then know that we appreciate all the prayers and hugs that have come our way.

May God continue to bless,

Frank

'Having cancer is a lot like a plane flying through a storm.
Once you're aboard, tightening the seat belt and praying is all you can do!'

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANK!!

2008-09-11T22:18:00.004-05:00

Today is special day indeed! Frank is 44 today!! We ate out for dinner and had a nice time and surprised Frank with some new kitchen gadgets.

Yesterday, Chandler, Frank and I went to Little Rock for a full day. We left Memphis around 7 and got there in time for Frank to have a business meeting. Chandler did her school work while we waited. I got my hair done while Frank and Chandler ran some errands. Then Frank had his PET scan, and then his MRI before we got on the road. We made it back home around 11. Having Chandler with us was a nice treat and we had fun together. We laughed about the news all day and talked politics. You know..... lipstick on a pig.... Biden's asking a wheelchair bound man to stand up..... oh... good day for talk radio.... we had a ball!!

But underneath it all we are anxiously waiting the news tomorrow from Dr. Barlogie. Are we scared? With the pain he's been having, the only truthful answer is that we're very nervous about his results. The nurse called today and said his CRP is up and he needs to start his antibiotic. (The CRP measures inflammation and usually accompanies infection. It's an indicator they watch closely. )

Our hearts are burdened tonight for our other patient friends. He's been on the same round of PAC MED as Frank. We talked to his wife today and he's been admitted into the hospital with some serious complications. He is a year or 2 younger than Frank and his kids are only 4 and 6 years old. Our hearts are heavy for the burden they are carrying. As hard as we try to be upbeat and positive, Frank and I both admitted to each other that it was hard not to compare our situations. But we are doing our best to stay positive and trust God with each day He has blessed us with. We are going to visit with them tomorrow. Please pray for them and for us: that God would enable us to minister to them in some way tomorrow.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

Oh my goodness... we are counting on that promise and asking our precious Lord to increase our faith!

We are a month into home schooling. It is going great in most areas, challenging in others. But overall we are adjusting pretty good. Each of us are different, so what we gain, what we like and dislike are all different. Nothing replaces the wonderful school where they were, and all of us are looking forward to being back next year. Chandler and Zach try to have lunch there every few weeks. We've also enjoyed all the home games and visiting with friends.

The perks of not being in school are also being enjoyed. They don't have to be up at 6 anymore!! Chandler's best friend is also home schooled and she comes over to work with us once a week. We love her and the addition is fun. My niece tutors and grades their spanish. It's so much fun to listen to them talk in spanish for a few hours. I would miss all that if they if were away at school. They are custom fitting their work to their own schedules, but I must say... I'm pretty strict. I knew I would be, so I have to really myself relax. I am mainly referring to when they do certain lessons: Getting everything done in one day vs saving something for evening, rolling over a lesson into the next day, etc. But overall they are proving themselves very responsible and eager to learn. I still see them trying hard to do a good job and that makes me so happy.

We will update tomorrow when we get home. Much love, peg

2008-09-07T14:06:00.003-05:00

Well it has been a few weeks since we dropped everyone a line so here's a Sunday afternoon update.

The past 4 weeks have been, different, that's a good word to use. Nothing earthshattering to report, it's just that our lives just seem to be "bouncing" around down life's highway.

Kind of like being on a trampoline. At times, bouncing can be a lot of fun. But sometimes, when you get to close to the edge, it gets unnerving.

I am happy to report that so far none of us have fallen off !

This week Peggy and I return to Little Rock to go through a new round of testing. As always I appreciate your prayers and we will let everyone know how it goes as soon as we know too.

I do have a specific prayer request. I have been having some pain in my chest for the past week or so. I pray that this is a "healing" pain and not a new something that has to be dealt with.

May God bless you this day!

Frank

2008-08-16T07:10:00.004-05:00

“Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.”

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/a/w/awakemys.htm

I guess the words (and the musical score) to this most renown Christian
doxology were imbedded in my subconsiousness many many years ago
when I was a child sitting in the pews of the First Baptist Church - Greenville.

Whenever I hear really good news, this is usually the first thing that starts
running through my mind.

On Friday afternoon the choir struck up the tune; we had gotten a really good report.

I will be coming back to Memphis for follow up chemo treatments and we are
in awe of how God works in our lives.

Just over a month ago I thought I was walking my last steps.

Now I can see that there are a few more steps to take than I thought,
‘Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!’

Frank

2008-08-14T09:10:00.003-05:00

Hello everyone,

The Carlton's are patiently waiting to meet with Dr Barlogie on Friday to see what is in store
for us next.

While in Little Rock I bumped into some dear friends and fellow patient (Margaret) & Sam Martin.

After we had spent some time catching up on things she reminded me of something I had said to her a long time ago. It had really resonated with her, and in a strange way, it once again resonated with me too.

Since we were both waiting to speak with the Dr. to find out if we were 'alright!', Margaret recalled a conversation that we had. At some point in this walk I told her that often we ask God to give us clear answers or clear understanding about what we can expect next. Sometimes we are left wanting because we don't get those answers. It occurred to me that the reason we might not get those assurances is because God wants us to rely on Him daily.

I know in my own walk I am guilty of thinking that since all the BIG STUFF is taken care of I can revert back to auto pilot where I am in control. I'll call on God when I get back in a jam. It's not a conscious process, it just happens. I have to confess that I wind up in this mind set way to often and I have to ask for forgiveness for wanting those reigns.

Thank you Margaret for reminding me that each day, I need to reach upand grab hold of my heavenly Father's mighty hand.

We have so many friends going through some rough times. We are praying for YOU, but today I have a real burden for a family that is in the midst of "the battle". John & Candy are fighting hard today. Instead of praying for me, please, lift them up in the following ways:

John has asked for some very specific things, so please pray that God will show His mighty power leaving no doubt in the minds of those in attendance that they have witnessed a miracle.
Pray that it won't be necessary to remove as much of the bone as they have predicted.
Pray that John will make a miraculous recovery not suffering as they have told him he will.
Pray for strength and encouragement for Candy as she waits alone during the lengthy surgery.
Pray for their children as they wait for news.
Pray for wisdom and skill of the surgeons.
Pray they get every bit of the cancer so that John won't have to go through this again.
Pray that God calm their fears tonight.

More from the Carlton Gang later.........................Frank

Florida update!

2008-08-06T07:36:00.004-05:00

Oh..... we did not mean to be bad bunnies....

(we hope you remember Dr. Seuss's book.... "PJ Funnybunny did not mean to bad... but sometimes he could not help it.... ")

We have gotten several emails wondering why we haven't posted in a while. We feel so bad. We are pleased to tell you that no news is good news.

Frank and I enjoyed Christmas in July a few weeks ago and then he had labs the following Monday. Things were steady... everything creeped up a little bit and he enjoyed a good week at work and resumed most of his normal activities. Actually, we all did. Once things get back to normal with our schedules, things aren't so "in your face" concerning his treatments and such. We read this blog and wonder whose family that is on the screen... it not ours!!

Some dear friends of ours have been gracious enough to open up their home and we are now updating the site from Panama City Beach, FL. It's been a long time since just the 5 of us have been away and we are having so much fun. The beach is wonderful. (Esp when you loose your head!!)

I took my i-pod and walked the shoreline and had such a peaceful morning. I walked past condo after condo, family after family. It's amazing how we flock to the majesty of God's creation, just to be near it! And then I felt a pain.... I have that same majesty at home right outside my kitchen window. How often do I take for granted my own sunsets?

Since we've been here Frank has been totally into cooking, which he enjoys so much. I feel guilty, but since I have clean up duty, it all evens out, right? The kids and I are all into the Twilight series of books. There are 4 of them and and we are each working on one, reading all the time. Zach reads so fast that he started them in the car, finished the 2nd and is now passing me up on the 3rd book. Every time I turn around he's stealing my book and then we play tug of war with it! Being here is very relaxing and we are grateful. Chase has beaten Frank at gin 6 times in a row, and is enjoying his bragging rights! Chandler is on the 4th Twighlight book that was released at Midnight Friday. Since we were on the road, we stopprd at Barnes and Noble in Birmingham and joined about 100 others that had waited in line all day for the release. We took pictures as we left there at 1:30 am, and then go back on the road!

We will leave here and drive to Huntsville, AL for Zach's soccer tournament and be home Sunday.

I know we have asked for prayer concerning the kids school for next year. After much prayer, we have decided to home school this next term. Our plan is for them to return to school the following year. This will allow them to come with us to Little Rock from now on and not leave them anymore. Frank always says that he can handle the treatments, but having our family split apart makes things harder. We both felt strongly about the time we spend together and felt like this was the best decision. God has confirmed this decision for us over and over. Although it's going to be very different and we are nervous, sad and excited all at the same time... we know we are where we are suppose to be in this regard. Thank you for your prayers about it.

Frank will go to Little Rock on Wed, Aug 13th for his testing. Radiology and labs only... no bone marrow biopsy this time! Then, on Friday, Aug. 15th, we'll both go and meet with Dr. Barlogie about what to do next. After keeping up with our other patient friends that are on this same MED PAC regimen, we are expecting another 2-3 week stay in Little Rock very soon, but that may not be the case at all. We'll have to wait and see what test results show.

Oh... we love you guys so much for being to faithful to come to this site to check on us and pray for us. We are praising God for each of you today!

2008-07-22T16:04:00.004-05:00

Christmas was a blast.... :) Doesn't that mean New Year is around the corner?

Regardless of how messed up our holidays are, we are celebrating. Frank's labs remained very stable over the weekend. Everything is about the same, and his platelets are still increasing. He also said his pain is getting a little better each day.

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:14

Frank is working everyday, which is so good for him. Chase is at Urban Plunge this week. The youth are running VBS for the inner city kids. They sleep downtown all week and minister to the kids, play with them and get to know them. We are taking dinner to them tonight, so I'll get to hug his neck. Zach and Chandler are catching up with friends ~ and boyfriend ~ before going back down to Greenville for some one on one grandparent time.

Our thoughts are heavy for our friends going through similar journeys: Nanneys, Thorns, Bartons, Carmons, Wherry's and our other patient friends in Little Rock. We pray for you guys, and hope you are feeling the loving arms of our Saviour today.

2008-07-18T12:05:00.004-05:00

Hey guys,

Frank's labs yesterday were a down just a bit. All except for his platelets, which is good news. He usually struggles with making platelets after a treatment. They were 60, up from 37.

WBC 1.7
Hct 26
Hgb 9.1

We are leaving for Greenville in the morning for the annual Christmas in July party. We're looking forward to seeing family! We're also excited to be getting Zach back from his church trip tonight. We already know he had a good time, because even with a cell phone, we only got one text message all week.

Chandler started running fever last night. She hasn't felt good for a few days but no other complaint except for fatigue.

Prayer request:
* protection for Frank's body while being around people this weekend. that he would stay free from infection. that his counts would continue to rise.
* for chandler to have healing. and for her fever to go away

We've been home a week now. We are so amazed at God's goodness. He has brought us so far and we have blessing to be thankful for every step of the way. We have been ministered to and Frank and I are both thankful for the peace we've begun to feel in certain areas.

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips. Psalm 63:5

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

2008-07-14T12:14:00.005-05:00

You didn't click on anything different... I'm just playing around with the templates. I was going to say I'm bored, but I have so much I should be doing... it's really more like procrastination from my "to do" list.

Frank rested most of the weekend. He still very tired and uncomfortable in his ribs and back, but so glad to be sleeping in his own bed!

He had labs today at West Clinic. There were some changes in his numbers, but the good news is he didn't need any transfusions. Yeah! His white count dropped to 2.2, which is slightly above being neutrapenic. His platelets held their own at 37. We were excited about that! His Hct and Hgb both fell to 27 and 9, which explains his being winded easily. His body is strong and he'll continue to recover over these next few weeks. He won't get labs drawn again until Thursday.

He is going to Elliott for a few hours. Even if he had strict orders to stay home, he would go in. So I just encouraged him to wear a mask anyway and be really careful. He's blessed to have a job he loves and I know he has missed everyone in the office.

Please for:
protection over him these next 4 weeks,
for him to move forward in recovery with no setbacks,
wisdom with decision making,
and for sweet family time together.

Love to you....

Now that's what we're talking about....

2008-07-11T23:24:00.006-05:00

Hi everyone....

As you read this, Frank is downstairs watching TV from home in Germantown. WE ARE HOME!

We saw Dr. Barlogie this morning. He was talkative about everything except Frank's treatment. He was pleased with how well he tolerated everything.... which he did!! Answered prayer!! "Come back in 4 weeks. Labs bi-weekly at home" was all we got out of him.

Frank's platelets were 21 today. They have to be 50 to pull the central line, so they transfused him, only to have them increase to 33. So they gave him another bag, which got them up to 44. They bent the rules a bit and pulled the line anyway. He was so so glad to have that out of his chest. But he's under some pretty strict orders to not lift anything, or use his right arm or move it around a lot.

I was never so glad to have the kids around! They pitched in and help us pack up the apt. Chandler and I's cars were so loaded down! We worried it wouldn't all fit, but it did. We got a celebration milk shake and hit the road in 5 o'clock traffic. All we could see was the Memphis-Ark bridge at that point!

The nurse said Frank would probably be neutrapenic again by Monday. He stopped getting the growth factor shots, so we should expect to see a drop. He will still be recovering even though we are home. He's suppose to lay low and stay away from crowded places.

It was so good to be home. My mom and dad met us here with our cat and dog ~ who, by the way, don't love us anymore. Casey followed my dad out the door as if to say "wait for me". They helped me unload the car knowing Frank couldn't and we had a quick dinner together. We hadn't seen them since we left, so that was a sweet treat.

Even though we are glad to be home, we made friends with new patients this time. Precious couples from Houston, Miami, Kentucky, Detroit and Nashville. One lady is 36 yrs old and has an 18 month old baby. I am finding that my thoughts are still in Little Rock this evening as we've left our friends there. I pray for God's healing mercy on each one of them.

Thank you for your prayers, your emails, and messages, texts and treats that encouraged us each day!! We love you so much!!

Psalm 33:20-22 We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord even as we put our hope in You.

2008-07-09T18:50:00.006-05:00

Hello everybody.

Today's been good. Frank's white count is coming up. It's 0.57 today. His platelets were 10, so he got an infusion today. The CRP came down too. His recovery is going well and talk of going home is at least being discussed. Yippee!

We see Dr. Barlogie Friday. We're hoping to be home by early next week if not before. Let's pray for that!

Our better news came from the MRI report. Frank has been hurting in his back and ribs. He was so worried that these treatments weren't working. But we got good news today that that is NOT case. Praise the Lord! The MRI showed no new lesions.

We are so relieved, of course, but I am careful never to forget that even though we are "all in this together", it is Frank that carries this disease in his body. The burden of uncertainty and fear that he's had these past few days has been so heavy. I truly believe some of the sweetest moments spouses can share are together in prayer. We've cried out to God that these treatments are working, and we praised Him together for His mercy on Frank. His mood and disposition has already changed this afternoon.

My sister Lisa came to see us with her kids. Julie and Frank read books together while our kids and Jimmy and Alexis swam most of the day. They had a good time hanging out, even finding time to excercise, and paint pottery! The change of pace was nice and we loved their visit.

Psalm 116:1-5 I love the Lord, because He has heard My voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live. The pains of death surround me, and the pangs of Sheol laid hold of me; I found trouble and sorrow. Then I called upon the name of the Lord; "O Lord, I implore You, deliver my soul!" Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; Yes, our God is merciful.

2008-07-07T23:45:00.005-05:00

LATE NIGHT UPDATE FROM FRANK- As I lay in the bed tonight (1:15am), punching the remote, I came across a really neat TV channel ( The Worship Network ) and heard "It is well with my soul". Not only did the hymn comfort me, but much to my surprize many of the musicians were from my home church. The program was a recording of many great hymns of the faith and filmed at Hope Presbyterian Church. It makes me so proud to be a part of Hope. That was sooooooo cool!

Sorry we're so late posting. (earlier in the evening)

Frank and I got to the hospital for labs and then darted over to Dr. Barlogie's office to see him at 11. We got to talk to the sweetest family here from West Palm Beach. We both love moments like that.

Dr. Barlogie wanted to do another MRI. He said since Frank's counts are low right now, there is less hyperactivity going on in the marrow, and that would be a good time to get a look at the lesions and what they are doing now. Frank shared with him that he's still experiencing pain his back and rib area. We also asked about what his plans are for future treatment plans, etc. He said he didn't know yet. Frank went for an MRI tonight at 8:45 pm.

After seeing Dr. B. we went back over to 7c to see his labs and finish up there. We were so pleased that he didn't need platelets for the 2nd day in a row! They were 28 yesterday, 22 today. His white count also moved up today!! It's 0.04. That is all great news.

He was still running a little low grade fever today, and his CRP level jumped from 1.7 to 7, so they ran blood cultures on all his ports. He also got another bag of IV antibiotics. But he's not running fever tonight, so that's great too!

The highlight of our day was stopping by to see Deena, our sweet APN that usually follows us. She's been out of town, and is assigned to the bottom floor chemo room, so we don't have her this time. But she talked to us and was really encouraging. We both felt uplifted after being with her.

Thank you so much for your prayers for Frank and our family.

We are so very blessed. Peg

2008-07-06T12:45:00.000-05:00

Happy Sunday to everyone!

I hope each and everyone woke up with a sense of enthusiasm this day. I sure did.

For me I woke up thinking that I might have a shot at getting out of receiving more platelets today. God blessed me with that little treat.

While my counts are all still pretty crummy, Plts 28; WBC .01; Hct 30.3… I won’t have to get platelets this time. That puts a smile on my face.

My APN (Cindy) did ask me a bunch of questions about a low grade fever that came up last night. 99.5 is not a lot, but for safety sake, she decided to infuse me with some heavier antibiotics. I’ll take the infusers anytime over an infection.

They also ran an EKG on me because my sitting heart rate was about 140. Once Peggy left the room my heart rate went back down so I think everything is working like it is supposed to on that regard.

We are excited to have the kids coming back to Little Rock today. They have been “vacationing” at home in Memphis since Thursday. Peace and quite are nice but we miss them and are ready for them to be back here with us.

If I haven’t said it lately, I must say it again thank you, thank you, thank you for all your prayers and may God richly bless you this day.

Frank

2008-07-05T14:47:00.002-05:00

I love the sound of the rain ~ when I am inside. It is raining here really hard and the thunder is so loud. We beat it by 10 minutes or so making it back to the apt before the downfall.

Frank got another bag of platelets today, and an IV infuser of Magnesium and Potassium to come home with him. The CRP (which we affectionately call 'the crap' ~ hope that doesn't offend) came down a little. That's good, since it's a good indicator of infection. Hence it's nick name.

WBC 0.02
RBC 3.24
Hgb 10.5
Hct 30.8
Platelets 12

We shared a room with another PAC MED patient ~ a sweet couple from Nashville. Yet another testimony of this place. They live 4 miles from Vanderbilt and their doctor told them to come here.

That makes the 5th patient getting the same combo as Frank. The dark humor in me sees everyone pulling a number to wait your turn like Baskin Robbins. "Whose next for PAC MED? NEXT!!" Seriously, it's good to meet others walking the same road as you are. There is a strong sense of family among patients. But if 5 (that we know of) of the dozen or so all got the chemo about the same time, then only a handful have gone before us. That can make your mind wander in the quiet moments of the day. But it does settle its thoughts on HOPE! Hope that this is helping patients respond, and that even with some tweaking along the way, that this is the combo that will kill those ugly cancer cells.

It's been quiet with the kids in Memphis. We've enjoyed reading the blog comments, and emails that you send. It may be just the 2 of us here, but we know we aren't alone.

Psalm 63:2-5

"I have seen You in the sanctuary

and beheld Your power and Your glory.

Because Your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify You.

I will praise You as long as I live,

And in Your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;

With singing lips my mouth will praise You."

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY

2008-07-04T16:16:00.002-05:00

We hope everyone is having a wonderful day. A day of fun. A day off work!! Frank and I had a quick stay at the hospital this morning.

His platelets were 10 today, so he got a bag. White count 0.02. His CRP marker which measures inflammation was up a tad, so they did blood cultures to be safe. Just pray Frank stays free from infection. Several people are getting admitted into the hospital from our unit. Our nurse said, "it's those PAC MED patients". Oops.... She probably didn't mean to say that. We're one of those 4 patients that got those drugs. We are praying that Frank stays healthy through this recovery.

He feels good today with energy enough to cook our "beenie weenies" and pork chops. I love seeing him do what he enjoys. We have a small watermelon too, but with his platelets so low, I won't let him cut it up. No knives. :)

It's raining here. That makes me sad for people watching fireworks. The kids are glad to be home for the weekend, hanging out with friends and family.

Love to all.... peg and frank