Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from the beginning to end." Ecc 3:10-11

Thank you so much for your continued support and prayers for our family. It is so comforting to hear that so many of you still check for updates and ask to hear from us.

I've tried to sit down many times but the words just wouldn't come. Mainly because they were just so sad! I felt guilty because I didn't feel like I had anything of value to say.... except this hurts!!

And indeed, it does hurt. So much.

Walking with Frank on his journey was amazing. Not like - vacation amazing. Amazing in that is was not anything we planned. It was all consuming. It was life changing. It was filled with victories and defeats, highs and lows and everything in between. I thought after Frank went to be with Jesus, our story would just continue... you know... the journey our family was on. I had learned to live in that story. My character had a purpose. I was a wife and caregiver. I knew meds, lab values. I had places to be, things to do. I had answers to questions. My prayer list was familiar. The pain was familiar. After 6 1/2 years, I knew how to "do that".

But what I figured out is we're on a new journey. It's not a continuation. The challenges are new. The pain is different, the highs and lows are different. The emotions are different. And Frank isn't here for us to do this together, to share in it like we did before. And as much as others try, no one's shoulder feels like his did. I miss his arms around me and I miss the look in his eyes that only he could give.

But the stories do have one thing in common. GOD. His grace is sufficient for our every need. God is there, even through the pain of missing Frank. That pain is a normal part of living on this earth. He is the one so tenderly caring for us, helping us heal, and giving us the hope we need for each day.

It's been 3 months. In some ways April 29th feels like a lifetime ago, and in other ways, I can't believe the calendar. Can it really be July 29th? Where did 3 months go?

We went to Texas to spend July 4th with family. Chandler and I had a mother-daughter weekend with her Covenant group. We are planning college visits.... Miss. State is first on the list! Zach's soccer has started up again. And school starts in 2 short weeks.

God is the Great Physician and He is healing us - day by day. We laugh, we enjoy being with friends and family. We are planning our futures. We are adjusting. We talk of Frank daily and it brings us smiles, and sometimes it brings tears.

But this I know: I am not the same. Frank is with Jesus, and I am forever changed. "I'm going to be the one better off," Frank once told us, "you have the hard part until we see each other again." One thing the Lord has shown me, is that my aim in life should remain the same..... to be well pleasing to Him. Help me Lord - I can't do it without you.

2 Cor 5:6-9
"Therefore we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord.
For we walk by faith, not by sight.
We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.
Therefore we make it our aim, whether present of absent, to be well pleasing to Him."