Monday, May 18, 2009

I have missed this.

Every day, the natural thought process goes through my mind.... "I need to update the website." That's been a constant for over 6 years. It's a habit. Now, it's one of the things that makes my eyes get wet. "What about the website...."

But I've missed this. I've missed my connection with you. So, hear I am. Here we are.

19 days. We miss him. I'm getting questions like "How am you doing?" "What are you doing?"

I've been trying to work on thank you notes. A little a night keeps me busy. We've worked in the yard. Frank had already purchased some plants he wanted for this summer, so I planted those a few days ago.

Last Thursday was a full day, and one of the hardest so far. I went to his office. Took care of business, and cleaned out the rest of his personal things from his desk. By the time I got home, the call came that the death certificate was in. So, Chase and I went to get them. We went to the cemetery. The flowers were gone and the sod laid. We had a sweet time together. We came home just in time for our first official meal at the table - set for 4. And right after dinner, one of the boys (I can't say who or I'll get in trouble) broke their window with a ball. A first for our family believe it our not! I had no idea what to do. And then.. the dreaded bedtime.

Psalm 6:6 "My groaning has worn me out. At night my bed and pillow are soaked with tears."

I don't think I'll have another day like that for a while. It's sad. But the truth is.... that just the way it is right now. And I know it's normal. I told the kids I feel like I'm quoting a Dr. Sues book when we talk about grief: We can't go under it, can't go over it, can't go around it. We have to go through it.

We're handling the grief like we handled the fight. Head on. We cry when we feel like crying, and we laugh when we feel like laughing. We talk about Frank whenever we want to. And we're doing normal things and getting out a little, too. We're respecting each others right to grieve differently. I am very very proud of the how the kids are handling themselves so far. They have been so sweet to me, and to each other. A mommy couldn't ask for more.

A thought came to my mind the other day. Beautiful Feats Ministries. It was listed in the paper, it was mentioned at the service. But Frank hadn't mentioned it here. And for those who don't live in Memphis, you may not know what it is.

Frank had a dream several years back to start a ministry to be the "hands and feet" of Christ by supporting the needs of families affected by devastating circumstances beyond their control.

This was something Frank worked very hard to accomplish. And with the help of his Board of Directors, he was able to see this dream become a reality. He wanted the website to be fully working before he put it here for you to see. Frank's last board meeting was on April 26th.

I am very proud to be able to link you here to Beautiful Feats Ministries!

Even though we are walking in a "fog" of grief right now (that's what my book calls it), there are many tender moments we have during the day. The pain of loss is bitter sweet, because with each remembrance of him, we are reminded of how much we love him ~ how much he loved us!

He is everywhere in this house, and in every thing I do! And yet I know that's a blessing. We shared much, and much is lost. We are so blessed! My belief in that has not been shaken. Thank you Jesus!

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

The cards and notes we are getting are so comforting. It's a joy to read how Frank touched your life as well. Thank you! And thank you for your continued prayers for our family. Not just the kids and I, but for his family and mine.

Still in His grace, Peggy


Anonymous said...

Peggy, thanks for coming back. I have missed this too. Praying for you all... robin d

Anonymous said...

Peggy, it is hard to have words to say right now. Thank you for sharing your heart all along this journey. Frank, you, and the kids have shown us all how to live genuinely in the good times and bad, with joy and hope in Christ. Our love to you all,
Karen and Dave

Lorrie said...

You are a such a beautiful family. I am proud to know you. As I told you at the visitation, I strive for my family to have what you so beautifully have. You are constantly in our thoughts and prayers. God got the PERFECT angel.

Lorrie Malone

Anonymous said...

Peggy, so appreciate your willingness to share yourself with us all. I reread the "bath" entry as well. It was really amazing. I'm so glad the kids are filling up the family bed, that is a good thing. Love you all, Barbara & Scott C.

Michele said...

Bless you Peggy, and family!

Anonymous said...

Somehow, it made me feel so good to see Frank's flowers the other day; just another sign that he is still so much with us-an outright visible sign-and, of course, he made such a huge impact on us all, his presence will always be near. Love you all!! Pat

Anonymous said...

It's so comforting to see your posts Peggy. It gives us a sense that, day by day, God is guiding you through this season. May you continue to feel His embrace and those of your family and friends. We love you, The Brunos

Shannon Ray said...

Peggy, I lift you and your family up everyday and I pray that you feel Gods calming touch and his amazing strength and peace.. I can not even begin to imagine the pain you must have missing him but I know I know that he has to be telling God to give you those sweet whispers every moment that he can:)You are such a wonderful example to all of us and we just thank you so much for sharing your life and your heart! Oh how I long to be like you!! xoxoxo love you and will think and pray for you daily!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for the posts. As you can see many of us still carry you and your family in our hearts. Reading this gives me a sense of connection to something great. God chose Frank, you, the kids to minister to so many. And you have done and continue to do that with Grace. Frank was/is loved by many but what is so evident is how much he was loved by you and by His Eternal Father. Continuing to pray for you and think of you often. Vicki

Marian said...

Thank you, Peggy, for sharing from your heart, just as you did through the journey with Frank. May the loving arms of Jesus hold each of you up and give comfort and joy as you walk through this together.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for continuing to share your heart with all of us. I know Frank is very proud of you for handleing things with courage, strong faith and honesty. God bless you and your children
Margaret Martin

Anonymous said...

Peggy and Family, People that don't know you and didn't know Frank personally still daily pray for you. You and your husband touched so many lives. (including mine)I thank God for you and how you let us be a part of your journey. Your lives and your testimony will stand for all eternity. Christ has surely used you to be a light unto His feet. May God continue to strengthen you and give you peace. Stephen L. Hale