I have missed this.

Every day, the natural thought process goes through my mind.... "I need to update the website." That's been a constant for over 6 years. It's a habit. Now, it's one of the things that makes my eyes get wet. "What about the website...."

But I've missed this. I've missed my connection with you. So, hear I am. Here we are.

19 days. We miss him. I'm getting questions like "How am you doing?" "What are you doing?"

I've been trying to work on thank you notes. A little a night keeps me busy. We've worked in the yard. Frank had already purchased some plants he wanted for this summer, so I planted those a few days ago.

Last Thursday was a full day, and one of the hardest so far. I went to his office. Took care of business, and cleaned out the rest of his personal things from his desk. By the time I got home, the call came that the death certificate was in. So, Chase and I went to get them. We went to the cemetery. The flowers were gone and the sod laid. We had a sweet time together. We came home just in time for our first official meal at the table - set for 4. And right after dinner, one of the boys (I can't say who or I'll get in trouble) broke their window with a ball. A first for our family believe it our not! I had no idea what to do. And then.. the dreaded bedtime.

Psalm 6:6 "My groaning has worn me out. At night my bed and pillow are soaked with tears."

I don't think I'll have another day like that for a while. It's sad. But the truth is.... that just the way it is right now. And I know it's normal. I told the kids I feel like I'm quoting a Dr. Sues book when we talk about grief: We can't go under it, can't go over it, can't go around it. We have to go through it.

We're handling the grief like we handled the fight. Head on. We cry when we feel like crying, and we laugh when we feel like laughing. We talk about Frank whenever we want to. And we're doing normal things and getting out a little, too. We're respecting each others right to grieve differently. I am very very proud of the how the kids are handling themselves so far. They have been so sweet to me, and to each other. A mommy couldn't ask for more.

A thought came to my mind the other day. Beautiful Feats Ministries. It was listed in the paper, it was mentioned at the service. But Frank hadn't mentioned it here. And for those who don't live in Memphis, you may not know what it is.

Frank had a dream several years back to start a ministry to be the "hands and feet" of Christ by supporting the needs of families affected by devastating circumstances beyond their control.

This was something Frank worked very hard to accomplish. And with the help of his Board of Directors, he was able to see this dream become a reality. He wanted the website to be fully working before he put it here for you to see. Frank's last board meeting was on April 26th.

I am very proud to be able to link you here to Beautiful Feats Ministries!

http://beautifulfeats.com/

Even though we are walking in a "fog" of grief right now (that's what my book calls it), there are many tender moments we have during the day. The pain of loss is bitter sweet, because with each remembrance of him, we are reminded of how much we love him ~ how much he loved us!

He is everywhere in this house, and in every thing I do! And yet I know that's a blessing. We shared much, and much is lost. We are so blessed! My belief in that has not been shaken. Thank you Jesus!

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

The cards and notes we are getting are so comforting. It's a joy to read how Frank touched your life as well. Thank you! And thank you for your continued prayers for our family. Not just the kids and I, but for his family and mine.

Still in His grace, Peggy